


Fine Line (The Story of Us)

by GuiltyPleasureIsMyPleasure



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Album: Fine Line (Harry Styles), Anal Fingering, Beach Sex, Best Friends, Bottom Louis, Coming Out, Famous Harry, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Heartbreak, Larry Stylinson Is Real, Louis Tomlinson in Panties, M/M, Mentions of Death, Mentions of sex work, Non-Famous Louis Tomlinson, OMC is temporary, Some fighting, Top Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:28:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 46,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27612089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuiltyPleasureIsMyPleasure/pseuds/GuiltyPleasureIsMyPleasure
Summary: Walking through Harry's album Fine Line. Each chapter reflects a song off the album.Harry knew he was a lucky guy, really he did. He knew that in the cosmic pulling of straws he had pulled the long one and basically won the lottery. With a number one debut album, millions of adoring fans, and many a celebrity praising his work Harry should feel happier. He should be skipping instead of walking, singing instead of talking, and grinning from ear to ear. Maybe he was ungrateful. Maybe he was numb to it all. Or maybe he had a big, ocean-sized crush on his best friend.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Louis Tomlinson/Original Male Character(s), Niall Horan/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 53
Kudos: 81





	1. Golden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is almost completely written, so I'll probably updated one or two chapters a day until it's done. Your comments are much appreciated! I'd love to hear from you on what you think!

Harry knew he was a lucky guy, really he did. He knew that in the cosmic pulling of straws he had pulled the long one and basically won the lottery. With a number one debut album, millions of adoring fans, and many a celebrity praising his work Harry should feel happier. He should be skipping instead of walking, singing instead of talking, and grinning from ear to ear. Maybe he was ungrateful. Maybe he was numb to it all. Or maybe he had a big, ocean-sized crush on his best friend. The best friend that had made him laugh until he cried on more than one occasion. The best friend that had held his hair back while Harry puked into a toilet after drinking a few too many cocktails. The best friend that had held his hand and hugged him with pride shimmering in his eyes when Harry had come out. And the best friend that Harry had been pining over since he found himself in the music business.

Harry knew he needed to tell Louis how he felt before this crush got any bigger and would potentially break his heart. He knew Louis wouldn’t let it get in the way of their friendship, but Harry also knew that Louis had dated a lot of women and no men. He had been there to meet every one of them, the knife in his chest twisting every time he had to smile and pretend to be excited to meet his best friend’s love interest. They had never fully discussed Louis’ sexuality, that was always an unspoken rule. Harry was the open one, telling Louis all about one cute boy or a cute girl he had seen on the street or in the studio, but Louis never brought up his own love life until he brought a girl around to meet Harry. It was confusing to Harry, to feel like he was stumbling in the dark only to have a spotlight shined in his face, metaphorically speaking. Maybe it wasn’t his business, but it hurt a little to be so open with Louis and not have it be returned. The twist in his gut from holding in his feelings had grown to be a consistent ache and he knew he would need to tell Louis sooner rather than later just to get it off his chest.

Harry sighed and traced his finger around the rim of his glass at the Blue Moon Bar, watching the reflection of his finger in the amber liquid inside. He was well aware that he looked like a pathetic drunkard drinking away his pain but maybe he’ll just allow himself to feel pathetic for just a few moments. He closed his eyes and took a sip, tilting his head back. He hummed and rolled his head to each side, stretching the muscles in his neck and shoulders. With another sigh, he let his eyes wander around the bar until they landed on Louis.

_Golden, golden, golden / As I open my eyes / Hold it, focus, hoping_

Lips quirked into a smile. Blue eyes crinkled at the corners. The boy winked at Harry and let Liam grab his hand and drag him onto the dance floor. He pursed his lips and twisted the rings on his fingers, eyes trained on the golden boy across the bar. His skin shone in the flashing lights, pink, green, and blue reflecting in the slight sheen of his skin and Harry was sure his eyes were sparkling. They always did when he’d had a few of those fruitier cocktails. Tequila usually did that to Louis. He started off with one drink. After two drinks he loosened up enough to flirt with strangers. When he got to three drinks he was usually on the dance floor losing himself in the music. Judging by his swaying hips, soft parted lips, and fringe hanging in his eyes, Harry would guess that he was on his third. He smiled as he watched Louis laugh loudly as Liam accidentally stepped on his foot and bumped into him, making the drink in his hand slosh over the lip of the glass.

Harry downed the rest of his own drink and slid the glass across the sticky wood surface of the bar towards the bartender. His lips quirked up in a smile of gratitude before he dragged himself off of the barstool he was sitting on and to his feet. He knew himself well enough to know that after his second drink his inhibitions would be lost.

“Harry! Get your arse over here!” Niall cackled from his spot in a booth next to the swaying, sweaty bodies of the dancing patrons. He had been keeping an eye on Harry, watching him slowly sip at his drink and stare forlornly at his best friend.

Harry tightened his lips into a slight smile and wove through people’s bodies to the booth with Niall and his girlfriend Mel. “Hey,” he hummed and slid in across from the two.

“You good, man?” Niall asked, resting his arm around Mel’s shoulders. “You seem a little…. Y’know…”

“I’m alright. Just been a bit of a long day.” Harry shrugged his shoulders and fought not to look over at Louis.

Niall squinted his eyes and twisted his mouth to the side, debating in his head if he should let it go or press further. Mel interrupted him before Niall could even open his mouth. “Come on, H. Let’s get you on the dancefloor to loosen up,” she hummed and grabbed his hand.

Harry groaned, glaring at Niall. “Your girlfriend is a menace,” he muttered. It was a lie. He really liked Mel. She was good for Niall and had a similar care-free kind of attitude. She and Niall were the only ones who Harry had told about his feelings for Louis and she was much more helpful than Niall had ever been in this situation. Niall was a bit of a lost cause when it comes to things with Louis, but Mel usually gave Harry great advice and knew how to get his mind off Louis when he needed it. So he let Mel drag him among the fray of swaying bodies, laughing as she danced off the beat and made ridiculous faces while she pumped her fists.

Harry joined in, bouncing from foot to foot and rolling his fists in circles, snapping his fingers to the beat as he stuck out his tongue and laughed with Mel. She grinned and nodded, miming picking things off the shelf and putting them in a shopping cart. The two danced, letting go and lightening Harry’s gloomy mood. After a few songs, Louis had danced through the throng to join Harry and Mel, Liam on his heels.

“You two look fucking ridiculous!” Louis laughed and sipped at the strawberry-flavored cocktail in his hand. Harry smiled dopily and shrugged, copying Mel’s exaggerated hip thrusting with a wide, dimpled grin.

“C’mon, Lou! Join in! You know you want to,” Harry laughed and pumped his fist.

Louis rolled his eyes but took another sip and mirrored the sway of Harry’s hips. He licked the sweet liquor off his lips and glanced up into Harry’s very green eyes. “You don’t know what I want.”

Harry shrugged and turned around, facing Liam and grabbing his arms to make him join in too. “I don’t know, Lou. As your best friend, I know you better than anyone else. Pretty sure I can figure out what you want,” he said over his shoulder, dimples presenting themselves.

Louis rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Nah. You’re not my best friend anymore. Liam is,” he smirked and winked at Liam over Harry’s shoulder.

“You brat,” Harry laughed and shoved Louis, no heat at all behind his actions. “You know I’m it for you. Nobody will ever be a friend like me,” he sang out with a wide smile.

Louis simply shrugged and returned to dancing along with the music. Once the song ended, Liam pulled Harry and Louis closer. “Hey! I’m gonna go get another drink. You guys want anything?” He shouted over the music.

Harry shook his head. “My drink’s with Niall. Wanna grab it for me?”

“I’ve got it. I’ll bring it over to you,” Mel smiled and glanced at Louis, who was still finishing his cocktail. “I’ll be back in a bit,” She hummed and grabbed Liam’s arm to drag him through the crowd.

Harry looked over at Louis who was smiling up at him. “And then there were two.”

“Yeah. You really know how to clear a room, Styles.” Louis laughed and grabbed one of Harry’s hands. “C’mon, dance with me.”

Harry nodded, following Louis’ lead as he danced along with the heavy beat of the song blasting through the speakers. Their moves were still light-hearted and fun, the two laughing at each other as they jumped around and mirrored each other’s movements. Harry wished he could kiss the crinkles at the corners of the golden boy’s eyes. He longed to feel Louis’ soft hair against his chest as they lay together. Louis was the antidote to his pain, he was sure of it.

Soon, the bass dropped as the DJ switched to a slower, heavier song that oozed heat, and the sexual tension built among the crowd. Harry had the fleeting thought that maybe this song was a bit much to dance to with his best friend. Perhaps they should remove themselves from the dance floor before things got weird. But when Louis looked up at him from under his lashes with a smile tugging at his lips, all thoughts of self-preservation fled his mind. Harry’s lips parted as Louis stepped closer and brushed his hand up Harry’s arm. He watched as Louis lifted the glass to his lips and finished off the remaining few sips of his cocktail. The glass ended up on some table off to the side, Harry wasn’t sure. He was too busy staring at Louis’ lips and watching the pink tongue that darted out to wet them.

Suddenly hands were on him, planted on his chest. Harry’s eyes widened at the touch, letting his own hands settle on the dip of Louis’ back. He was in somewhat uncharted waters here. They had always maintained some fairly clear boundaries prior to tonight. But then again, by now usually Louis had found a girl to dance with while Harry sat on a barstool off to the side. Harry licked his lips, moving his body with Louis’ as they swayed to the music, edging closer with every beat. It wasn’t until Louis was firmly pressed against Harry’s chest with their legs slotted together that things started catching up to Harry. He slid his hand up to hold Louis closer, sweat gathering at the nape of his neck.

Louis looked up at Harry with slightly hooded eyes, the cocktails he enjoyed earlier loosening him up a bit as he bit his lip and leaned forward to nose against Harry’s shoulder. His skin was glowing hues of pinks and purples under the lights and the bass coming from the speakers made it feel like his blood was pumping thickly in his veins. It felt like forever that the two danced, but Louis would guess they were only on the dancefloor for three more songs. With liquid courage in his veins, he grabbed Harry’s hand and tugged.

He looked beautiful in his black t-shirt with a scoop neck so deep that his tattoos were proudly on display. His black jeans clung deliciously to his thighs and hugged his curves wonderfully. Harry’s head felt thick with desire as Louis led him through writhing bodies grinding together to the beat. He had no idea what happened to the drinks that Liam and Mel had left to go get but he was beyond grateful that they hadn’t returned and broken Louis and Harry out of whatever trance they were in.

The door of the small bathroom swung open as Louis tugged him inside and closed it behind them with a click of the lock. Harry looked down at Louis with wide, dark eyes. “Lou,” he whispered under his breath, scared to ruin whatever was happening.

Louis shook his head and visibly swallowed thickly. “Don’t,” he breathed. He licked his lips before closing the distance between them and surging up for a kiss so brief that Harry wasn’t even sure that it had happened.

Harry stared at the boy, chest heaving as his heart pounded in his chest. He hesitantly lifted his hand and let it rest against Louis’ side. Slowly, so slowly, he leaned in, studying Louis’ face for any sign that his advances weren’t wanted.

Finally, he pressed his lips against Louis’ and felt him melt under his touch. He tasted salty like sweat but sweet like strawberries and rum. His lips were soft but the hair dusting his chin and jaw was scratchy. It was intoxicating, the blend of sweet and salty, soft and harsh.

Louis hummed, reaching a hand up to cup Harry’s jaw as he pressed closer. His lips moved slowly and teasingly against Harry’s where they stood in the middle of the bathroom lit with moody lighting and speakers pumping the same music from the dance floor. His lips parted as Harry swiped his tongue along his thin bottom lip, deepening the kiss in an instant. The warm, wet slide of tongues and heated press of lips warmed his whole body. He felt fire in his veins and he hoped that Harry felt it too. His breath hitched as Harry slid his hands down to grab Louis’ thighs and lift, hoisting him up into his arms and pressing him against the door with a creak. Thoughts flew through his mind, echoes of _holy shit_ bouncing around in his head as their lips slid together and he felt Harry’s hands on his bum. _His best friend is touching his ass._ He slid his hands into Harry’s freshly cut head of curls and breathed out shakily through his nose. Kissing Harry felt unreal. It brought something to life that wasn’t there before and that was terrifying.

As the song ended, Harry pulled away with hooded eyes as he studied Louis. The golden boy who held his attention and knew him better than anyone. It had happened. Louis had kissed him. What did this mean? Was Louis gay or was this the alcohol’s fault? He wasn’t sure.

“Lou?” Harry asked, lifted his fingers to his lips, the fleeting sensation of Louis’ lips against his felt like a ghost.

Louis bit his lip and scratched the back of his neck as he stepped back. “I um. I guess I got caught up?”

“Louis, I feel like I need to tell you something,” Harry sighed and moved to lean against the sink, crossing his arms across his chest and crossing his legs at the ankles. Louis nodded and leaned against the bathroom door opposite Harry. “I like you. I know we’re best friends and all but I like you as more than that. I liked kissing you, a lot. I’ve been wanting to do that for ages but I didn’t know if you were interested because you’ve always dated women.”

Louis chewed on the inside of his cheek and rubbed the scruff on his chin. “Harry, I don’t know. I’m sorry. I think… I liked it too,” he whispered, eyes slipping shut as he dropped his head.

Harry grinned and reached out to rest a hand on Louis’ shoulder. “Lou, this is great,” he hummed and rubbed Louis’ shoulder. “Babe, we can totally figure this out and make this work. We’re already best friends and I know that things aren’t going to be weird. Maybe we should go on a date sometime.”

Louis shirked away from Harry’s touch. “I – I don’t know.” He shook his head and scrubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms. “I’ve been feeling things for a while but – fuck. This isn’t me. I’m not gay, right?”

Harry’s smiled slid off his face. He bit his lip and looked back down at the floor. “I can’t answer that for you, Louis. You need to figure that one out for yourself. Nobody can tell you what your sexuality is.”

With a shaky breath, Louis closed his eyes and covered his face. “I wish you could. It’s just so confusing. And scary. All my life. I’ve thought… I’ve thought I liked girls. But..” he took a deep breath. “Kissing you feels different. You don’t feel like girls do when you kiss them. You’re – You’re more firm. Like. You kiss more firmly and girls feel softer.” He didn’t dare look up yet. His head was swarming with liquor but he knew that the alcohol didn’t change the feelings that were already there. “I think I like firm.”

Harry looked up at Louis and furrowed his brows. He was pretty sure he knew what Louis was trying to say but he needed Louis to say it. He pushed away from the sink and walked closer to his best friend. “You like firm? Or you like me?”

Louis slid down the door until he was crouched with his back against the door, covering his face as he felt his head swim. He had never admitted before that when Harry hugged him he felt a warmth in his stomach that he didn’t feel with previous girlfriends. When their hands brushed in public, he felt heat rise in his cheeks. He repressed all of those feelings and told himself he was imagining things. He convinced himself that the reason he didn’t feel those things with the girls he dated was because he just hadn’t found the right one. But Harry. He kissed Harry. He fucking kissed his best friend and that information was swarming in his mind. He was terrified of what that meant.

_And I know that you’re scared / because hearts get broken._

Tears prickled at Louis’ eyes as he trembled, but he felt Harry’s warm and comforting hand against his back. “It’s okay, Louis. You can say what you need to say. I’ll always be your best friend. Just be honest with yourself, that’s the hardest part,” he whispered, rubbing circles against Louis’ back.

“I – I. Fuck. I think… I um. I do,” Louis said under his breath, wiping at the tears that slid down his cheeks and sniffling wetly. “Maybe I do like you.”

Harry smiled and moved to cradle Louis’ head against his chest, running his fingers through his hair. “I’m proud of you, Lou. I’m so proud of you,” he murmured and nuzzled into his hair.

Louis melted against Harry and sobbed into his chest. He had never felt relief quite like that before. He had never felt weight being lifted off his shoulders quite like this. But at the same time, he had never felt so much fear to actually say it out loud. Admitting that he felt anything for Harry felt dangerous. He knew with his girlfriends that things were safe. He didn’t get hurt. He never felt pain from a break up with his girlfriends. He felt a sense of loss but never pain. It never broke his heart. He loved Eleanor but he wasn’t heartbroken when they broke up. He felt like he set her free. But things with Harry could hurt him.

“I’m not out. I’m not ready for anyone else to know. I’m not like you, Harry. You’re not ashamed of who you are. You’re not scared of being vulnerable. You’re not me,” Louis said quietly, hiding his face in Harry’s chest.

“That’s okay. I’ll be here while you get there. I’ve got your back. You have nothing to be ashamed of, babe.” Harry promised and kissed the top of Louis’ head.

_I know that you’re scared / because I’m so open_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr at GuiltyPleasureIsMyPleasure for updates and more! (New to Tumblr so apologies in advance!)


	2. Watermelon Sugar

The three weeks following that night at the Blue Moon Bar, things hadn’t changed much between the two of them. Harry wanted to remain a safe harbor for Louis, so he never pushed him to talk. They’ve only kissed twice since then when nobody else was around and they were in the safety of Louis’ apartment. Harry knew he was still figuring out his feelings and he was still trying to navigate what felt like a whole new world. Harry couldn’t be more proud of the progress that Louis had made. All he wants for Louis is self-acceptance and eventually self-love. He vowed to show Louis that he was a beautiful person, he vowed to show him the truth.

Over the past three weeks, Louis and Harry would still have their movie nights, their game nights, and they still went to grab drinks after Louis was off work. The two times they had kissed were when Louis had a few too many drinks after a game night, and the other was when Louis and Harry had been curled up on the couch together watching movies late into the night. Louis seemed to still be getting comfortable with the idea of kissing another man, so Harry was sure to let him take his time figuring things out. He didn’t want Louis to think that he was just in this for a physical relationship, he didn’t just want midnight kisses and drunken hookups. He wanted Louis. He wanted a real relationship. So, he had come up with a plan to show Louis that he wanted more. He packed up a picnic basket with chilled champagne, watermelon, and a few mini sandwiches for a day on the beach at Harry’s beach house. He knew they couldn’t be in public together yet, that Louis wouldn’t be comfortable with that, so he invited him over to relax in the sand under the sun in the privacy of his private beach.

Harry could hear Louis use his key to unlock the front door to Harry’s house and heard his footsteps as he made his way towards the kitchen where Harry was listening to music over the Bluetooth speakers. “Hey!” Louis called out, grinning as he walked into the kitchen in a white t-shirt and pale blue swim shorts.

Harry smiled and closed the picnic basket. “Hey! C’mon, the weather is perfect for a day on the beach,” he hummed and hoisted the picnic basket into his arms. Louis followed him out the back sliding glass door and onto the back deck. Louis slid his sunglasses on and kicked off his sneakers when they got to the sand before taking off across the sand towards the water, sand kicking up beneath his feet. Harry finds him far too endearing.

Harry pulls out a big blanket from the basket and unfurls with a toss, laying the striped blanket out across the sand. He smiled as he watched Louis run over to the water and kick at the waves before plopping down on the wet sand and spreading his legs out in the surf. He hums happily and feels the sand under his feet, taking a deep breath of sea-salty air. He loves the beach with the crashing of the waves, the sound of the birds flying overhead, and the sun that warms his skin. And he loves Beach Louis. He’s calmer, more relaxed, and his already tan skin positively glows under the rays of the day.

“H! Get down here, it’s perfect!” Louis called over his shoulder, shielding his eyes with his hand as he looks back at Harry. When Harry nodded and made his way over, he smiled and patted the sand next to him.

“You’re right. It is perfect,” Harry agreed and sat down beside Louis. “Perfect day,” he sighed happily and leaned back to prop himself up on his elbows. “I have a surprise too.”

Louis grinned, grabbing a handful of wet sand and forming it into a dome. “Surprise, huh? What kind of surprise?”

“The yummy kind.” Harry trailed a finger through the sand to draw a sun for Louis. Louis was golden like the sun, warm like the sun, and liked to be at the center of everything like the sun.

“Hmmm. You’ve piqued my interest, Styles.” Louis tilted his head to the side and smirked as he drew in the sand next to Harry’s sun.

“A dick? Really, Lou?” Harry laughed and rolled his eyes fondly as he hoisted himself back to his feet. “C’mon, I don’t want the surprise to get warm.”

Louis whined and collapsed on the sand. “I don’t wanna move,” he pouted to no avail. Harry wasn’t having it, so he finally accepted his outstretched hand with a mutter.

Harry didn’t drop Louis’ hand once he was up. He twined their fingers together and gave Louis’ hand a squeeze before leading him over to the beach blanket. “I wanted to take you on a date. I know you’re not ready to go public, so I thought we could at least do this. I want you to know I don’t just want kissing and sex. I want more. I want to cuddle with you and stay up all night sharing secrets. I want to lay on the beach and drink champagne.” He reached into the basket and pulled a bottle and two flutes out.

Louis bit back a smile and nodded, rolling his bottom lip between his teeth. “A date, huh?” He asked softly, kicking at the sand. “I don’t think I’ve ever been on a date like this. One that I didn’t plan.”

“Well, Louis. It’s about high time you were taken on a nice date. You deserve to be spoiled and cherished,” Harry murmured and carefully twisted the cork out of the champagne bottle. Once he got the bottle open, he poured them each a flute of champagne. “I’ve also got some food to snack on.”

Louis accepted the glass of champagne and took a sip. “Yum.” He sat down on the blanket and sighed, gazing out across the water and watching the waves. He wasn’t used to this. It felt strange to have someone else plan a date and say all of the things Harry just told him. He was relieved that Harry wasn’t in this just for sex, because he wasn’t sure if the sex would be good or not, if he’d like it, if he would top or bottom, and it was intimidating to be the one who knew nothing. Harry was so open and he had so much more experience than Louis, which wasn’t exactly hard considering Louis had never slept with another man.

Harry noticed that Louis was lost in his thoughts so he sat next to him and sipped his own champagne before pulling out the Tupperware of watermelon and mini sandwiches and setting them in front of them on the blanket. He wrapped an arm around Louis and rubbed his shoulder but let him sit in his thoughts for a few minutes. He knew this was hard for Louis. He remembered when he himself went through something similar a few years ago. But he didn’t have someone to guide him through things like Louis did. He was pretty much on his own when he realized how he felt and made a few mistakes with boys along the way. Louis was always there though to pick up the pieces or hold Harry’s hand after his first and last time bottoming. He wouldn’t let Louis stumble through this like he had. He wanted to help him, while still giving him the space he needed to do things his own way. He knew Louis needed that.

After a few minutes, Harry kissed Louis’ shoulder softly and rubbed his back. “Hungry?” He asked and nodded at the food in front of them. When Louis nodded, Harry handed him the Tupperware of watermelon and smiled. “Something sweet like you,” he said quietly and popped a cube into his own mouth too.

Louis snorted and shook his head, accepting the watermelon and stuffing a cube into his mouth. “Champagne and watermelon pair well together. Who woulda thought,” he hummed around a chunk of fruit, pulling a laugh out of Harry. He smiled and swallowed the fruit before speaking again. “Thank you, by the way. I don’t think I said it earlier, but I really appreciate you doing this for me. It’s really lovely.”

Harry met his look with a smile and nodded. “Of course. You deserve it. You deserve a lot of things that I don’t think you’ve gotten.” He looked out across the expanse of beach behind his home and bit his lip. “I want you to see yourself. Like, truly see yourself. It’s like you’ve got your head down and all you can see is the up-close. Someday you’ll be able to lift your head and see yourself the way I see you. I can see all of you and you’re a beautiful person, Louis. Inside and out. I hope you see that eventually.” He looked back at Louis and rested his hand on top of the smaller boy’s.

Struggling to hold back tears, Louis took another sip of his champagne and spread his fingers to let Harry’s slip between his own. Harry did know him better than anyone, but it was hard to believe that Harry saw him that way. Louis tended to put on a confident façade and act self-assured but he had so many insecurities that he only really told Harry about. Harry was probably the one person who knew how insecure Louis really was. To know that Harry thought he was beautiful boggled his mind. He hoped someday he would see would Harry saw too.

Harry pulled Louis closer and rested his head against Louis’ shoulder, fingers rubbing soothing circles on his back over his thin white t-shirt. He liked moments like this with Louis. Over the past eight years, he and Louis had shared plenty of cuddles, but this moment in time felt like it held more weight. It held more significance. “I love this,” he murmured. “I love sitting here in the warmth of the sun with my best friend. I love feeling the heat from your skin. I love your turquoise shorts. I love how happy and content you look here.”

Louis’ lips tugged up into a smile. “I like it too. I didn’t know it would be like this.” He took a sip from his champagne flute before reclining to lay on his back with his face tilted towards the heavens.

“Be like what?” Harry asked, following suit and resting his head next to Louis’. He craned his head to the side to get a better view of the golden boy.

“So weightless. I kind of feel like part of me will float away. I feel like I’m not really anchored or weighed down,” Louis explained, closing his eyes against the sun. “I didn’t feel like this before. I used to feel so in control. I could control how things happened and how I felt about things. Not like this.”

Harry nodded and squeezed Louis’ hand. “Do you think that means this is real? I think part of liking someone is being vulnerable and feeling like a leaf floating on top of the water, at the mercy of the ripples in the water.”

“Kind of intimidating, don’t you think? To never feel anchored. I thought all the greats talk about love being anchoring.” Louis asked.

“I’m not so sure if it’s anchoring or just tethering you to someone. You’re still a bit at the mercy of the waves, but having someone you love there with you makes you feel stronger. No matter where life takes you, you’ll always have the other person,” Harry said softly, rubbing his thumb against the back of Louis’ hand. They sat in silence after that. Harry was content to just lie next to Louis and Louis was letting their conversation sink in and take root.

Pretty soon they were both getting a little warm, so Louis and Harry stripped off their t-shirts and headed to the water to cool off. Louis, being the trouble-maker that he was, smirked and immediately shoved Harry into a wave as it came crashing towards the shore, cackling as Harry shrieked at the cold water against his sun-heated skin. His laugh was soon cut off as Harry wrapped his hand around Louis’ arm and tugged him in after him with a cheeky smile. Louis fell on top of Harry, knees digging into the sand on either side of Harry’s hips from where he had fallen.

“Well, hi there,” Harry laughed and patted Louis’ thigh. “Have a nice trip?”

Louis rolled his eyes and cupped his hand to splash water in Harry’s face. “Dork,” he giggled and splashed him again.

“Hey, that’s not very nice.” Harry pouted playfully, resting both hands on Louis’ hips. Louis’ smile faltered a little, taken aback by the position he just realized they were in. He only had moments to think about it before Harry was using his grip on Louis to pick him up and throw him into the water with a victorious cheer.

Louis gasped as he flew backward and hit the water, his bum hitting the sand in the shallow water a little harder than he would’ve liked. He sat up and shook the water out of his face. “Oh, you are so fucking dead, Styles!” He yelled and clambered to his feet to barrel towards Harry.

Upon seeing Louis running at him, Harry turned on his heel with a giddy laugh and bolted for the shore. He made it to the picnic blanket before Louis was upon him, letting out a surprised yelp as Louis tackled him to the ground. Louis grinned, digging his fingertips into Harry’s sides as he straddled his waist and tickled him.

Harry’s head fell back in laughter, dimples creating craters in his cheeks and green eyes shining happily. For a moment, Louis was distracted by how seeing Harry like this did a weird flipping thing to his stomach. That single moment was all it took for Harry to flip them over and pin Louis to the beach blanket. “Tap out! Tap out, or I tickle you!” Harry demanded, moving to wiggle his fingers against Louis’ sides.

“Mercy! I tap out!” Louis laughed breathlessly, gazing up at Harry. Harry grinned back and removed his fingers but didn’t get off of Louis.

“See, that wasn’t so hard,” Harry murmured, smiling down at the boy beneath him.

“You fucker,” Louis huffed, rolling his eyes with no real malice behind his actions. He couldn’t keep the smile at bay any longer and let the corners of his mouth tilt up.

“Well, I usually don’t put out on the first date, babe,” Harry laughed, brushing some of Louis’ hair off his forehead.

“Me neither.” Louis shrugged and let his hands fall to Harry’s thighs. “You gonna let me up?”

Harry shook his head and leaned down. “Can I do something first?” He asked, voice nothing more than a soft murmur as he tilted his head towards Louis’ lips. Upon receiving a nod from Louis, he closed the distance between them and kissed his lips softly. “You taste good. Kind of like watermelon and sugar,” he whispered.

_Watermelon sugar high, watermelon sugar high_

Louis opened his eyes and looked up at Harry, moving his hands to fall on the firm muscles of his abdomen. “You taste like champagne. I feel like I could get drunk off of you,” he hummed back as Harry leaned down again to mold their lips together.

“Challenge accepted,” Harry whispered against his lips and trailed his fingertips over Louis’ salty skin and reveled in the warmth radiating from him. He loved the sweetness from the watermelon on his lips and could taste the champagne on his tongue as their lips parted and tongues met in a slick slide.

Louis’ skin felt ablaze with heat, partially from the sun that was shining down on them and partially from the way Harry’s lips moved against his own. The warmth felt like it was oozing down his body, curling low in his belly. Sweat beaded at his hairline and his back felt sticky from the heat. Louis slid his hand from Harry’s abs to his back and pulled him closer, surprised to feel Harry’s arousal against him. His breath caught in his throat and Harry pulled back so he could see his expression.

“Everything okay?” Harry murmured, combing his fingers through Louis’ hair and admiring how blue Louis’ hooded eyes were.

Louis nodded shakily and craned his neck up to bring his lips to Harry’s once again. Watermelon met champagne in a sweet and intoxicating tangle of tongues as Harry kissed him back eagerly, a hand landing on Louis’ hip. He felt Harry squeeze his hip and slide his hand to his thigh, squeezing the flesh there again. Louis got the memo and lifted his legs to wrap them around Harry’s hips, hooking them behind his back as Harry’s tented swim shorts pressed against Louis’ own.

He felt like time had slowed down, like watching thick molasses lazily dribble off a spoon. It felt a little like they were moving through honey, warm and sweet skin everywhere. Louis didn’t feel like this with his previous girlfriends. This felt thick with passion and significance and before it felt like an obligation. Harry was a _really_ good kisser. Louis couldn’t help but wonder if any of his girlfriends had felt like this with him or if Harry was feeling the same thing he was feeling.

Harry separated their lips and smiled down at Louis lazily before kissing next to Louis’ mouth.

“You missed,” Louis breathed, feeling like his heart was practically in his throat with how fast it was beating.

“Did I?” Harry asked, pressing another kiss to Louis’ chin and smiling when he nodded. “Hmm. I thought I had better aim.” He parted his lips when they reached Louis’ jaw and darted his tongue out to wet the heated skin under his lips.

Louis’ choked out a soft sound and panted underneath Harry, the heat he felt in his gut spreading down his legs. When Harry’s lips met his pulse, he couldn’t help but let out a gasp as Harry licked his skin and sucked softly on the tan column of his neck.

“How about now?” He whispered, dragging his lips down his neck to his collarbones. When he got no reply from Louis he scooted down to kiss the soft patch of hair in the middle of his chest. “Surely, here?”

Louis bit his lip, eyes closed and chest heaving. Feeling wet heat envelope his right nipple, Louis’ back arched off the beach blanket and a surprised moan fell from his parted lips. “Oh my god. Harry,” he gasped out, hands shooting to tangle in his curls.

Harry paused only for a moment to make sure Louis wasn’t going to push him away before switching to the other pink bud on his chest. The golden boy’s skin was salty but held a sort of sweetness that Harry was sure was all Louis. He licked over his nipple one more time before sliding down his ribcage to his tummy. “God, I love your belly. So soft and tan and warm,” he breathed, kissing a line from the bottom of his ribcage to his belly button.

Louis’ mouth hung open as he felt arousal pooling in his belly. “Harry. Fuck,” he whimpered. Had he been less turned on, he would maybe be embarrassed with how easily Harry got him to this point and how eager he was to feel Harry’s mouth on him. In any normal circumstance, he would’ve been wildly uncomfortable with Harry giving so much attention to his stomach. He was incredibly insecure of the pooch of his tummy, but with Harry’s warm and soft lips and wet tongue on him, all he could think about was _Harry, Harry, Harry._

_I want your belly and that summer feelin’._

“Lou? Can I?” Harry asked, tilting his head to look up at Louis from where he was perched over Louis’ tented blue shorts. He wanted to make Louis feel good and feel sexy. He loved feeling Louis’ body under his lips, the softness of his skin warming his lips and seeing Louis finally let go was so rewarding.

Louis whined and opened his eyes to glance down at Harry. “I – I. Yeah. Okay,” He breathed, trembling a little in anticipation. He’d gotten blow jobs before from previous girlfriends but from the magic Harry had worked on the rest of his body, he had a feeling this one would be different than the previous ones he had received.

Harry grinned and pressed a quick kiss to the skin above his waistline and tentatively placed his hand over the tent in Louis’ shorts. “Can I take these all the way off or do you want me to just pull them down?”

Louis hesitated for a moment before answering. “Just pull them down a little.” He decided, dick twitching under Harry’s hand as he watched with hooded eyes.

Harry nodded understandingly and resumed kissing the area of skin above his shorts. When he felt the muscles in Louis’ stomach relax, he slowly pulled the waistband down until Louis’ cock sprung free. He hummed, petting Louis’ belly with one hand and cupping his dick with the other, pulling a moan from Louis’ lips.

“Oh my god,” Louis gasped. His eyes fell shut once again and he let his head fall back against the beach towel. When he felt Harry’s warm, wet mouth on him, he nearly came on the spot.

Harry watched Louis cautiously, tonguing at the head of his pretty pink cock and grasping the base with his free hand. He hadn’t always been a big fan of giving head but _fuck_ , with Louis looking as good as he did right now, Harry wouldn’t mind doing this forever. He pulled back and licked a fat stripe up the length of Louis’ dick and the dimples in his cheeks popped when he heard Louis groan above him. He licked a few more times before sliding his mouth over Louis again, licking the underside as he went down.

Louis couldn’t believe how different this felt than the previous blowjobs he had received. It’s not like Harry was doing anything different than anyone else had, but the fact that this was _Harry_ sent a thrill up his spine. The weight of someone with a broader stature and defined muscles was so much better than the petite frame and light body of the girls he had dated in the past. With Harry’s mouth on him, his toes curled and he could feel he was barreling towards an orgasm like a bullet being shot from a gun. “H – Harry!” He keened, fingers carding through Harry’s short curls.

Harry didn’t stop his efforts, bobbing his head as he brought Louis closer and closer to cumming. He gripped Louis’ hips to keep them still and looked up at Louis just in time to see his back arch off the towel as he came on Harry’s tongue.

Louis was practically seeing stars, and would probably look back on how quickly he came with a hint of shame. But right now, all he could feel was pleasure turning his blood thick in his veins like sludge. He felt Harry pull off and crawl back up his body as the aftershocks ripped through his limbs.

“S good?” Harry asked quietly, laying down next to Louis and wrapping an arm around him.

He didn’t know quite why, but Louis felt tears pooling behind his lids. He had never felt like this before. How could there be such a difference in how he felt with Harry versus the girl he dated for three entire years? He felt like an idiot for not realizing that he wasn’t sexually attracted to his girlfriends. Had he known it could feel this good, he would’ve tried it a long time ago. As a salty tear dripped down his cheek, Louis rolled onto his side to face Harry.

Harry frowned at the tear. “Hey, hey, hey. Is everything okay? Did I do something?” He asked, biting his lip nervously as he cupped Louis’ cheek and wiped the tear with his thumb. He felt a pang of relief go through him when Louis shook his head but he was still confused and worried.

“’M so sorry. I don’t know why I’m crying,” Louis sniffled, hiding his face in the beach towel.

“It’s alright, Lou. You don’t have to be sorry. I just want to make sure I didn’t do anything to make you feel this way. Was it okay? Did I go too far?” Harry brushed through Louis’ hair and rubbed soothing shapes into his back.

Louis shook his head. “No, it was really good. I just…” He sniffled. “I didn’t know it could feel like that. It had always felt good before but this – this felt so much better. I’ve never felt like that before.”

Harry couldn’t help the smile that crept across his cheeks. “I’m glad it was good for you, baby. You deserve to feel good,” he murmured, hugging Louis close.

Louis lay there like that for a little while longer, sniffling as he tried to just stop _fucking_ crying. When he felt like he had pulled himself together enough, he pulled back and smiled sheepishly. “Sorry. I um. I’m sorry.” He glanced down and noticed Harry was still hard but had softened a little. “Oh. I’m sorry, I should’ve offered to – um. I don’t know.”

A head of curls shook. “No, Louis. You’re not obligated to do anything. I didn’t do that so that I could get something in return. That was just for you,” Harry hummed and adjusted himself in his shorts.

“Do you want me to?” Louis asked, biting his lip. “I don’t know if I’d be any good at giving you one but I could try?” He offered.

“I don’t need a blowie. If you’re not comfortable with that, you could just use your hand. But if you don’t want to do anything, that’s totally okay,” Harry promised, giving Louis a small smile and receiving a nod in return.

Louis trailed his hand down from Harry’s shoulder to his waist, covering the bulge in his shorts with the palm of his hand, which – _okay_. He should’ve guessed that Harry would have a huge dick judging from the size of his feet and hands but he was truly a bit surprised to feel the weight of his cock in his hand. “Oh,” he said softly, giving a tentative squeeze and getting a grunt in return. He had obviously never given another man a handjob before, but he knew what he liked so he figured he would just try that out on Harry.

He squeezed Harry a few times through his orange swim shorts before hooking a finger on the waistband and slowly pulling them down. The cock that sprung out from his shorts made Louis’ eyes widen a little. This was really happening. He set his jaw in determination and slid his hand over the head of Harry’s cock to gather his precum. He used the heel of his hand to skate over the head of his dick and twisted just how he personally liked. He was pleased to hear Harry let out a shaky groan. He squeezed the head and watched clear liquid jump from his slit. Louis kissed Harry gently as he pumped his hand over the tip of his cock, feeling Harry’s breath come out in puffs over his lips as he panted. “Good?”

Harry nodded eagerly, curls bouncing as his abdomen flexed. “F-uck. Yeah. Good,” he agreed, letting his head fall back against the blanket as Louis pumped his fist. “Just a little more.”

Louis bit back a smile at his achievement and worked his hand faster, teeth digging into his lip with the effort to jack Harry off with a twist of his fist at the palm. Soon enough, Harry was bracing his feet against the towel and jerking his hips up to push his dick into Louis’ palm.

“Lou! I’m gonna cum,” Harry groaned, biting his lip and furrowing his brow. Moments later, he shot his load into Louis’ hand with a few spurts landing on his own stomach. His chest heaved and his muscles in his stomach and legs fell lax as he came down.

Louis smiled and wiped his hand off on the towel next to him before curling back up into Harry’s side. Harry hummed sleepily and pulled Louis even closer, nuzzling into his hair.

“That was fun,” he murmured into his still-damp hair.

Louis nodded his agreement and sighed, exhaustion catching up to him. “If we’re gonna sit out here any longer, we’ll need sunscreen. I’m not about to get sunburn on my dick.”

Harry barked out a laugh against the top of Louis’ head and nodded. “I’ll rub you down any day, babe.”


	3. Adore You

After that day on the beach, it felt like a switch had been flipped. Louis had grown in confidence with Harry and Harry couldn’t be prouder to see the progress Louis had made in discovering more about himself. He watched him slowly open up like a flower that was late to bloom in the spring. It was difficult at times to watch Louis stumble or hear him say self-deprecating things when he had too much to drink but Harry held on. He had to be there for Louis through it all. He drove to Louis’ apartment at two in the morning the night Louis couldn’t sleep because he felt so angry at himself. He held him for two hours before the boy in his arms finally fell asleep, having cried himself out of tears. He was there for him the first time a man had hit on Louis and called him a fag when Louis rejected him. Harry held him in the cab ride home after that, rubbing his back and telling him that man was just a small, weak person who didn’t deserve to take up space in Louis’ heart.

Harry was also there when Louis tried on a pink button-up, something he never would have worn before, even though he would have wanted to. He was there when he accidentally walked in on Louis shaving his legs in the bathroom. Louis had told him he had always liked how it felt on his girlfriends and he wanted to see how it felt and looked on him. Harry was proud of him. He was proud of Louis for exploring his own sexuality and trying things out to see if he liked them. Before that night a few months ago, Louis would never have been okay with trying those things, much less Harry being there to see him trying those things. Harry was so unbelievably proud of Louis, and he made sure to voice it often.

Louis had also started staying the nights at Harry’s after that day on the beach. It wasn’t every night, but maybe twice or three times a week he would end up at Harry’s house sleeping over in his bed. He claimed that the guest bedroom was just too cold for him, but Harry was well aware that the temperature of the room had nothing to do with Louis climbing into his bed and curling up on the right side of the bed.

It was two months after that day on the beach when Harry offered Louis a drawer in the dresser in his room. Louis had cocked his head to the side, mouth twisting as he seemed to think things over. Without a word, he grabbed his overnight bag and dumped his stuff into the drawer before climbing into bed. “Good. I’m sick of hauling that stupid bag back and forth,” was all he said with a small smile on his face as he fluffed the pillow under his head. Harry had felt it then.

Harry had known his feelings for Louis had been mounting over the past few weeks, feeling a fondness swell up in his chest when he watched Louis roll out of bed in the morning. He felt his heart beat a little faster when Louis would beam up at him during a funny movie. He felt his skin heat up when Louis would fling off his shirt and wiggle his jeans down his legs before climbing back into bed with his briefs on. He felt it in his bones.

When Louis came over after work still in his dress shirt and slacks and had kicked off his shoes and shouted, “Honey, I’m home!” Harry had known. He knew when Louis walked into the kitchen and kissed his cheek while he stirred sauce on the stove that he was in deep. Louis had then hopped up onto the kitchen counter and tidied up Harry’s mail that was left there. Harry had known.

After dinner that night, Harry had spread out all of the blankets on the floor in his living room while Louis did the dishes. He lit tea lights and a few scented candles before turning off the lights and setting out the dessert he had made for them both. The smile that crept onto Louis’ face when he discovered the set up made Harry’s knees feel like goo.

Louis walked over to Harry and wrapped his arms around him. “You lose power or something?” He teased and kissed Harry softly, sliding his fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

Harry had simply grinned and pulled Louis over to the fort he had built. “Come on, we only have the place for the night,” he joked and held the blanket door open for Louis to crawl in. Once they were both inside, Louis beamed as he took in the fairy lights Harry had arranged at the top of the fort and admired the pastries Harry set out on a wooden tray.

“What’s the occasion, Styles?” Louis asked, laying down on one side of the fort and taking a pastry from the tray.

“It’s been four months since you came out to me and I thought we could celebrate.” Harry shrugged and laid down next to Louis, slipping his arm under him and cuddling up to his side.

Louis smiled and kissed Harry’s cheek. “Thank you. You’re the bestest best friend I could have ever asked for. You’re amazing,” he whispered and rested his head on Harry’s shoulder. “Wanna watch a movie or something in here?”

Harry nodded and grabbed his laptop, pulling up the episode of New Girl that they were now on. It had become their thing in the evenings. After dinner, they would lay on Harry’s couch and watch a few episodes before bed. Harry loved it. It felt lovely and domestic and perfect.

As Louis settled into his place at Harry’s side, the latter smiled adoringly at Louis and brushed some of his fringe out of his eyes before kissing his forehead and focusing his attention back on the show. It wasn’t until the third episode of the night ended that Louis spoke again.

“What was your first time like?” He asked, craning his neck to look up at Harry.

Harry pursed his lips and tilted his head to the side. “With a boy or with a girl?”

“Either.” Louis shrugged.

“Well, my very first time was with a girl. It was embarrassingly short and her dad ended up coming home right as I finished so I had to throw on my clothes and hide under her bed until there was an opportunity for me to leave. I’m pretty sure he found out and lectured her, because she never talked to me again,” Harry chuckled, playing with Louis’ hair. “My first time with a boy was when I was about nineteen, I think. I topped that time. I didn’t know the guy well enough to try bottoming. I met him in art class and we ended up at the same party halfway through the semester. A few drinks in and he started hitting on me. It was a bit sloppy and messy but not as bad as the time I bottomed. Quickly learned that was not my thing.” Harry shrugged.

Louis nodded, seemingly digesting that information. He picked at a patch of dead skin on his bottom lip, brows furrowed as he stared at the twinkling lights. After a few silent moments, he peeked over at Harry. “What do you think my first time with a guy will be like?”

Harry looked over at Louis and smiled. “I hope it’s with a guy who really cares about you. I hope you can trust him to guide you through it. I think it’s important to be with someone who will work with you and communicate with you through the whole process. It can be hard to keep the momentum going while still communicating what you need or want. And don’t watch porn before you do it. It’s never accurate and often it gives false expectations of what you should sound like, look like, or do.” He explained, twisting locks of silky brown hair in his fingers.

He let Louis soak all of the information in for a bit. He had learned that sometimes Louis needed to process big information for a while. He’s quick on his feet with wit and humor, but when it comes to heavier topics and more serious conversations, he likes to think things through before responding. It was nearly twenty minutes later into the next episode when Louis looked up at Harry with worry in his eyes. “Harry?”

Harry looked down at Louis and offered a reassuring smile. “Yeah, Lou?” He asked softly, rubbing in between Louis’ brows to relieve the stress crease.

Louis took a deep breath and bit his lip. “I don’t want to have my first time be with a stranger. I wanna trust them and know they care about me,” he started off, sitting up a little and wringing his fingers. “Will you do it?”

Harry raised his eyebrows in surprise. He hadn’t pictured it going this way. He had hoped to be Louis’ first but he thought it would be months before that happened. “You want me to be your first?” He asked carefully, wanting to clarify that this is something Louis actually wanted. When Louis confirmed Harry nodded. “Do you want to top or bottom?”

Louis was able to answer quickly. “Bottom. I feel like you’ll take care of me and know what I need,” he decided, mouth set in a determined line.

Harry nodded again slowly. “Okay. I can do that,” he said softly.

Louis offered a grateful smile and crawled into his lap. “Tonight?” He asked shyly, nosing along Harry’s jaw. He wanted to know what it felt like and he knew he wanted Harry to be the one to help him through this. He was his best friend and he had helped him through so many things in life. From almost failing out of school to his mom’s funeral.

“Yeah. Okay.” Harry agreed, rubbing his hands down Louis’ back and kissing the top of his head. His heart was beating fiercely in his chest, he was sure Louis would be able to hear it.

Louis pressed closer and kissed Harry’s jaw up to his mouth, finding himself relaxing at the familiarity of Harry’s calming scent from his shampoo and the softness of his touch. He finally pressed their lips together, easily slotting together as they’d done so many times over the last few months. He rested his hands on Harry’s shoulders and nudged Harry’s lips open slowly, coaxing his tongue into his mouth and tasting the almond croissant they had enjoyed. He smiled against his mouth and ground his hips down experimentally.

Harry hummed as Louis applied a little friction to his steadily growing cock. He ran his hands up Louis’ thighs and gripped his hips, digging his fingers into the flesh of his curves. He absolutely adored the shape of Louis’ body and secretly, or not so secretly, wanted to lick ice cream off his gorgeous body. But that was for another time. Tonight was about taking care of Louis and making sure this was good for him. He used his hold on Louis’ hips to turn them over so Louis was lying comfortably on his back with Harry hovering over him. “I’m gonna make it good for you, I promise. Want your first time to be perfect,” he whispered and kissed Louis’ neck with warm, wet lips.

Louis sighed softly, feeling content in Harry’s arms under the weight of his body. He found so much comfort in Harry’s touch. He felt like home to Louis. Which was a bit odd, because Louis wasn’t quite sure when that happened.

Leaving kisses down Louis’ body like he knew he loved, Harry trailed down to the edge of Louis’ shirt. He lifted it and tossed it off to the corner. He made sure to kiss each of Louis’ nipples, his tattoos, and the soft line of hair leading to his waistband. With each press of his lips, he could sense Louis melting into the blankets beneath him and his body relaxing. “Good, Lou. Relax,” he whispered, licking a heart shape into Louis’ hip bone.

His breath stuttered as he felt Harry’s wet tongue skate across his skin. Louis loved this. Harry was always taking his time, getting him worked up by slowly kissing him all over before he would just get on with it. Part of him wanted Harry to hurry up and get to the main event, but Louis had a feeling he just needed to trust Harry through this. Harry had done this before and Louis was next to clueless. “Harry,” he breathed, dick twitching in his slacks. “Can you take them off? Want them off.”

Harry’s curls bounced as he nodded his head and undid the buckle on Louis’ belt. “How was work, by the way?” He asked, kissing his fly before slowly sliding the zipper down.

Louis groaned and nodded. “Good. Work was fine. Is this really the time to talk about that, Styles?” He huffed and jerked his hips up to try to get Harry to hurry up with his trousers.

Harry simply chuckled and pulled them down Louis’ legs, trailing his lips along after the trousers slipped down his beautiful golden thighs. “God, I fucking love your legs.” Louis laughed softly and nudged Harry with his toe. Harry looked up at him and smiled fondly before resuming scattering kisses all along Louis’ body.

By the time Harry had deemed Louis even close to ready, Louis was a writhing mess and his dick was achingly hard. “I’m gonna run up to my room and get some stuff. I’ll be right back,” Harry promised softly, pressing yet another kiss to his lips. “Try not to miss me too much.”

Louis whined and rolled his hips. If he wasn’t so far gone, he would’ve made some snappy comment about not missing Harry at all. But instead, he pouted when Harry got to his feet and loosely wrapped a hand around himself to relieve some of the pressure. He could hear Harry running through the hall upstairs, mentally taking note to tease Harry for it later. It was barely a minute later that Harry was crawling back into the fort with a condom and a bottle of lube.

“Sorry,” Harry breathed, rushing up to kiss Louis only to have Louis giggle against his mouth. He loved that Louis could still laugh with him and everything in this moment felt perfect. He hoped Louis felt it too. “Have you fingered yourself before?”

Louis blushed and nodded. “Yeah. I’ve tried it before,” he admitted.

“Good. Know what to expect then,” Harry murmured and slid off his own joggers and t-shirt so Louis wasn’t the only one almost naked. “You ready for my fingers?”

“Please. I’m ready.” Louis wiggled his hips, jerking upwards to get Harry to get on with it. He wasn’t the best at being patient.

Harry chuckled and rubbed Louis’ thigh to calm him down before pulling his boxer briefs down and soaking in the sight before his eyes. Louis was always so beautiful, it truly wasn’t fair. Harry never stood a chance at not getting sucked in by his best friend. He leaned forward and nipped at Louis’ hip bone while squirting lube onto his fingers. The first one went in slowly, letting Louis adjust while Harry stroked his hips and his tummy to keep him relaxed. “That’s it, babe. Doing so well,” he praised and began to ease the first finger in and out. He kept things nice and easy as he slowly thrust his finger and then added another, working his way up to three.

When he was sure Louis would be stretched enough, Harry slipped his fingers out and leaned down to kiss back up Louis’ chest. “I think you should be good. Gonna have you lay just like this on your back so you can see me.” Harry knew that Louis probably needed to be able to see him for his first time. He smiled when Louis nodded and pulled him in for a kiss.

“M ready, babe. I trust you,” Louis whispered, stroking his thumb over Harry’s cheek before he pulled back to get the condom. Louis watched as Harry sat back on his heels and ripped open the foil before rolling it on. With a bit of added lube, Harry lined himself up and stroked Louis’ side.

“You tell me if you want to stop at any point. Do not worry about me. I want this to be good for you. Don’t be afraid to tell me what you need or want.” Harry made sure Louis nodded before he slowly pushed forward. His mouth fell open at how tight Louis still felt. It had been ages since Harry had been with anyone, but he didn’t remember it feeling quite this good. “Fuck,” he whispered, clenching his jaw and easing in further. He looked up to watch Louis’ expression go from curious to slightly pained until he was in fully. “S gonna be a little uncomfortable for a minute or two. Breathe through it,” he coached and reached up to stroke Louis’ dick to keep him aroused.

Once Louis’ expression relaxed, Harry ground his hips in slowly while making sure to gauge Louis’ reaction. Seeing that it didn’t hurt as much, Harry eased out a little before pushing back in. It took a few moments of slow thrusting before he built up a good rhythm. Louis panted underneath him and wrapped his legs around Harry’s hips, brows furrowed as he tried to figure out if he liked the feeling of Harry inside him.

Harry built up his pace, angling his thrusts up towards Louis’ prostate. When he hit it, Louis’ face instantly changed. The crease between his brows disappeared and his mouth fell open.

“Holy fuck! There!” Louis gasped, tightening his legs around Harry and moaning when Harry drove his dick into the same spot deep inside him. That single moment of hitting his prostate made Louis realize that he does in fact like this. That moment of pure ecstasy made his dick drip wetly onto his tummy and his mouth hang open slackly. It felt so good to feel Harry pumping into him while stroking his cock.

Harry nodded at Louis and gripped his hip with one hand while the other attending to his dick. He bit his lip and set his brow with determination as he kept up the same angle and the same pace, steadily slamming deep inside Louis. He felt amazing. Harry could tell how warm Louis was inside, though he couldn’t feel everything through the condom. He longed to be able to feel every part of Louis but he knew that may not happen. For now, this was more than enough. Seeing Louis spread out before him, cheeks pink and eyes glassy blue, was everything. He kept doing what he was doing until Louis was whimpering and moaning under him.

“M close. Oh god. Fuck. Babe, I’m gonna cum,” Louis mewled, eyes hooded and mouth hanging open as Harry pounded into his prostate. Precum dripped from his dick and made the slide of Harry’s hand on him feel even better. He felt like he was sitting on a rollercoaster, slowly creeping towards the top of the climb. Anticipation thrummed through his veins until suddenly, everything exploded.

Harry groaned as Louis squeezed tight around him, watching in awe as Louis’ eyes rolled back and he threw his head back in ecstasy. He was truly a vision. Not wanting to be far behind, Harry picked up the pace and found an angle that allowed him to piston his hips in faster, chasing his own orgasm. After mere moments, Harry gasped and grunted as he came. He could feel sweat drip down his spine and he could tell that his skin was sticky and tacky from exertion. He watched as Louis frowned when he slowly eased himself out and pulled the condom off. “So good, baby. You did so well,” he praised and collapsed next to him, pulling Louis in close.

Louis panted against Harry’s chest, his own heaving from the aftershocks of an orgasm. He couldn’t quite catch his breath yet, and his thoughts were still frazzled and all over the place. His orgasm had really knocked him off his feet and he was just trying to let his brain catch up. The steady caress of Harry’s hand against his side felt like an anchor, keeping him from falling asleep. “Fuck.”

Harry grinned breathlessly and nodded. “That we did.” He laughed as Louis rolled his eyes and dodged his hand for the sake of giving him a kiss. “Was it okay for you?” He asked after Louis had some time to catch his breath.

“More than okay. That was insane,” Louis admitted, eyes growing heavy as he nuzzled his face into the crook of Harry’s neck.

“Good, babe. I’m glad. Let’s get some rest and we can talk some more when we wake up,” Harry suggested and pressed a kiss to Louis’ temple before wrapping him up in a soft blanket in his arms. Within moments, the rhythm of Louis’ breathing indicated that he was asleep. Harry inhaled deeply, pulling breath into his lungs and exhaling slowly as he skated his fingertips over Louis’ side. Closing his eyes, Harry relaxed into the cozy nest he had made for them and began to drift off.

_I get so lost inside your eyes_

The kettle was whistling in the kitchen. Louis could make out the sound of dishes or mugs clinking and he was pretty sure he could hear Harry humming a song. With a grimace, Louis rolled onto his back and eased himself into a sitting position. He had been expecting it to hurt more this morning, but it was just a little bit sore. The kind of sore you feel after you’ve worked out harder than usual, it was almost a pleasant kind of sore. He was a bit cold though, considering it was now November, so he pulled the blanket around his shoulders and crawled out of the fort to find Harry.

Harry smiled softly, humming a melody under his breath that had been stuck in his head for a few days. He could just make out a rustling sound from the other room and popped a bag of tea into the mug for Louis. Sure enough, moments later Louis was padding into the kitchen looking sleepy with soft eyes and messy hair. “Good morning, Lou.”

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Louis mumbled a good morning and accepted the mug from Harry’s outstretched hands. He wrapped his fingers around the warm mug while he let the bag steep, inhaling the steam coming from the mug.

“Did you sleep okay?” Harry asked, pouring himself a cup of coffee with a splash of heavy cream before closing the distance between them to place a kiss on the top of his head.

Louis nodded and closed his eyes, squeezing Harry’s hand. “Yeah, I slept like a rock. I’m still exhausted though.”

“That’s pretty normal to still be really tired afterward. I’m glad it was good. I wanted you to know how good it can be when you have a partner who cares about you.”

“Trying to earn the best friend of the year award?” Louis teased, sipping at the tea and dunking the bag in a few times.

“No. Trying to make sure my best friend knows he’s worth it and beautiful.” Harry shrugged and rubbed Louis’ back as he stepped back to the sink. He had been noticing Louis bringing attention to the friend aspect of their relationship lately. He wasn’t entirely sure what to think of that but he was only mildly concerned. He knew that he loved Louis and he was willing to be patient while Louis caught up to him. “How about tonight we have dinner on the beach?” He suggested.

Louis’ lips quirked up into a smile. “Dinner on the beach sounds good.” He nodded and kissed Harry’s cheek before slipping out the back door to sit on the porch and watch the morning sun reflect off the waves.

After breakfast, Louis took a shower and got dressed before heading into the city to run a few errands. He had a few things he needed to get done at his apartment before he had to go back to work tomorrow so he spent most of the day getting things done and finally cleaning his apartment after almost two weeks of crap everywhere. Later that evening, he packed up some clothes and headed back over to Harry’s place for dinner. It had become a bit of a routine, having dinner at Harry’s home and sleeping over pretty frequently. It was starting to feel intimidating, knowing that his life was starting to blend with Harry’s and he was starting to rely on Harry more.

When Louis pulled up to Harry’s home and let himself in, Harry was in the kitchen preparing dinner. “Honey, I’m home!” Louis called out playfully, kicking his shoes off and tossing them in the general direction of the shoe mat.

“In the kitchen!” Harry hollered back, pulling out the bell peppers from the fridge and a knife. “You’re just in time to help me chop veggies.”

Louis snorted and shook his head. “H, you know I’m a shit cook,” he hummed and plopped down on a stool across from Harry.

“I mean, technically it’s not really cooking. It’s just chopping,” Harry pointed out and slid the cutting board and knife to Louis. “Just a few peppers, please.”

Louis rolled his eyes and nodded. “Fine. But only because I’m hungry.” He grabbed the knife and started cutting up the peppers.

While they worked, Harry hummed one of the songs he had been working on lately. It was about that first night at the club. He wanted to show Louis how he felt about that first night, the night that everything changed. He was looking forward to getting to sing it for Louis but he would wait until it was completely finished and perfect. A smile crept onto Louis’ face as Harry hummed across the kitchen at the stove. He had been noticing Harry had been writing a lot recently. He often spotted him on the deck sitting on the porch swing with his leather-bound notebook in his lap, scribbling things down on the pages. He liked seeing Harry write again. After the last album, Harry had gone through a dry spell where he felt so much pressure to create an even better album that would top the last one. He tried to tell Harry to just write what he wants to write, but Harry needed to figure that out on his own. It made Louis happy to know that Harry was getting back into writing.

Once dinner was done, Harry grabbed a bottle of wine and helped Louis carry everything out to a blanket on the beach. He loved sitting on the beach with Louis. It felt like that was where Louis belonged. With sea salt in the air, the breeze ruffling his hair, and eyes to match the ocean, Louis looked stunning. Whenever they sat on the beach together, Harry couldn’t help but watch the boy. He represented the ocean to Harry.

Louis sat himself down on the blanket and twirled the noodles around the tines of his fork. “I love it out here. You’ve got the best view,” he hummed, gazing out across the sand and waters.

He knew it was corny and definitely cliché, but Harry couldn’t help but grin as he watched Louis. “I sure do,” he murmured and sipped his glass of wine. The two ate in relative silence, listening to the crashing of the waves and calling of the birds. Harry felt like he could live forever in this moment. He never wanted this moment in time to end.

When Louis finished his food, he set aside his plate and leaned back to rest on his elbows as they watched the sunset. The colors of the sky washed over him, highlighting his golden skin with hues of pink, purple, and red as the breeze brushed through his hair and rippled his simple gray t-shirt. Harry set his plate aside as well and laid down next to his best friend. “This moment is everything,” he murmured, glancing over at Louis. Louis hummed and nodded, a soft smile on his lips. “Lou?”

“Yeah?” He responded, looking back to meet Harry’s eyes that were studying him with deep green pools of emotion.

Harry bit his lip and squinted against the setting sun. “I want this. I want this to never end. The past few weeks have been amazing and after last night I feel like we can really make this work.” His voice barely above a whisper. “I’ve been feeling like when I’m with you everything is better. You’re quite literally the sun to me. You pull me in and mesmerize me. I love you. I love you a lot, and I know you might not feel that way just yet, but I would really like if you’d be my boyfriend. Go on dates with me for real. I want to tell my family how happy you make me.” He grinned and leaned over to caress Louis’ cheek. “Please, Louis.”

_I’d walk through fire for you, Just let me adore you_


	4. Lights Up

Louis’ breath caught in his throat and panic flooded through his veins. He wasn’t ready for that. He was just starting to explore this side of him that he had tried to ignore, hearing Harry tell him he loved him was too much all at once.

“Harry, I – I can’t,” Louis whispered, swallowing thickly around the lump in his throat. He pulled away from Harry and squeezed his eyes shut, digging the palms of his hands into his eyes as they trembled.

Harry frowned and rested a hand on Louis’ knee. “Baby, what do you mean you can’t?” He asked quietly, reaching out to hold Louis.

Jerking away from Harry’s hand, Louis sniffled and shook his head. “Stop. I’m not your baby. I’m not your boyfriend, Harry.” His heart pounded in his chest and the rhythmic pulsing of his blood filled his ears.

“Louis, please. I love you,” Harry whispered, blinking away the stinging pain in his eyes. “I love you so much and I just want to show you how amazing you are and how much you deserve true happiness. Let me love you.”

He shook his head and shot to his feet. “Stop it, Harry. I don’t love you.” His eyes prickled with tears so he turned away from Harry, not wanting him to see. He couldn’t do this. He wasn’t ready to be in a relationship and he wasn’t ready for Harry.

The tears fell down Harry’s cheeks, his heart throbbing in his chest. He knew Louis was just scared. He knew Louis better than anyone else, even better than Louis knew himself sometimes, and he knew that Louis had felt it too. He had felt the same warmth in his bones from being together, he just knew it. “Louis, come on. I know you. I know you felt it too.”

Fury flared in Louis’ veins. “No. You don’t know,” he said angrily, clenching his jaw. “Stop trying to tell me who I am.”

“I’m not! I’m not trying to tell you who you are. I’m trying to leave room for you to find yourself! I’ve not once pushed you to do anything you don’t want to do!” Harry insisted, wiping at the tears spilling down his cheeks. “I just want you to be happy. I want you to feel loved,” he sniffled.

“Well, you aren’t going to make me happy!” Louis yelled, whipping around to face Harry. His eyes narrowed and his hands curled into fists. It was a lie. Harry did make him happy. He knew it was a lie, but he couldn’t face it yet.

Harry squeezed his eyes shut. “You don’t mean that,” he whispered, sniffling wetly. An ache filled his gut as he met Louis’ glare. He knew Louis didn’t mean it. Surely, he didn’t.

“I do mean that. I can’t do this with you, Harry. I’m not like that. I can’t date you. I don’t want anything to do with that life. You live in the spotlight and I just want a quiet life without dealing with that bullshit.” Louis crossed his arms.

“Lou, it gets easier. It’ll be hard at first, but wouldn’t that be worth it? Wouldn’t it be worth it to fall in love? To feel whole?” Harry pleaded. “Please, Louis. Just give us a chance.”

Louis shook his head and backed away. “Stop. Just stop. I don’t love you. I couldn’t love you. You’re my best friend.” He spared another look back to the sun that was disappearing below the horizon. “Just leave me alone,” he whispered before turning and running up the beach, vision going blurry as tears formed in his eyes.

Sobs ripped from Harry’s chest as he fell to his knees in the sand. Louis had left him. He had opened his heart and offered it to Louis and Louis had run from him. Louis had feelings for him too, he had been so sure of it. Had he been misled? Did he mistake Louis’ happiness to explore his sexuality as happiness to be with Harry? The thoughts swarmed through his head, overwhelming his mind. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there with his head cradled in his hands as he sobbed. He cried until his head felt like it was stuffed full with cotton. He cried until he could barely catch his breath. He cried until he had no more tears to shed.

_All the lights couldn't put out the dark_ _/ Runnin' through my heart_

The sky was black when Harry finally opened his eyes. He couldn’t see the stars through the smog from the city. Louis was a star, lost in the sky in the thick smoke and unable to find himself. Harry was trying so hard to see Louis but he seemed content to hide. Tearing his eyes from the black gloom above him, Harry wiped his eyes for the last time and took a deep breath.

Slowly he stumbled up to his home, lights glowing through the windows. When he walked through the door he was hit with just how empty his home felt without Louis there. He hoped that Louis would eventually come around and make his house feel like a home again, but he couldn’t be sure. He and Louis had never argued like that before.

His feet felt like there were cinderblocks strapped to them as he lifted each leg to climb the steps to his room. Upon reaching the foot of his bed, he collapsed onto the mattress. He hugged Louis’ pillow to his chest and buried his face in it, inhaling the sweet smell of Louis’ shampoo.

He cried himself to sleep that night, holding Louis’ pillow tightly against his chest as he drifted off into exhaustion.

Across the city, in a little apartment, all of Louis’ own, the golden boy was curled up on his own bed. But he didn’t have anything of Harry’s. He had no pillows, no sweatshirts, no blankets with memories of Harry attached to them. Louis lay there, staring out the window as rain poured down from the sky and trickled down his window. Anger, hurt, exhaustion, sadness, and guilt swirled around his head like a flurry of birds trying to escape the confines of a cage. He couldn’t understand why it had hurt to hear Harry tell him those things. He should have felt happy and overjoyed, but he felt scared. He didn’t know what he wanted or what he needed and it worried him that Harry seemed so sure of that. He was lost inside his own mind.

_Do you know who you are?_

Harry stepped out the side door to the studio only to be met with a flurry of flashes blinding him. He held up a hand to shield his eyes, thankful for the security team that pushed back the photographers so Harry could get to his car. His brows furrowed as he looked around in confusion, trying to understand what the men and women around him were screaming at him.

“Harry! Who was that hot piece of ass you were seen with?” A male voice yelled from the crowd.

Harry frowned and tried to search for the man who had asked. “Who?” More screams and questions being thrown at him. “Who are you talking about?” He called out, unable to hear the answer before his security pushed him into the black van.

Harry looked to John, who he had been writing and recording with today. “What the hell are they talking about?” He asked, peering out the window at the mass of cameras.

“Uh. Probably this?” John suggested and held up his phone to show Harry his Twitter account. The hashtag #HarryStylesSecretLover was trending and the same photo was attached to every tweet. It was a photo from that night at Blue Moon months ago. It was grainy and dark but you could make out Louis and Harry dancing close together, their lips only inches apart.

“Fuck. Oh, fuck.” Harry breathed and grabbed his phone. “Oh my god, no.”

“What’s going on?” John asked. “Who is that?”

“A friend. Shit.” Harry muttered and clicked Louis’ contact. He bit his lip as it rang a few times before being sent to voicemail. “Damn it.” He typed out a handful of texts, apologizing for the photos to Louis. “Why is this just now trending? That photo was taken months ago.”

John shrugged and kept scrolling through the tweets. “Not sure. Must have been someone from the bar that didn’t realize what it was or the media caught hold of it. What’s wrong? This happens all the time, H.”

Harry shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut, covering his face with his hands. “He’s not out,” he whispered. “I just got him outed. Fuck.”

John grimaced and rested a hand on his shoulder. “Should probably go talk to him and explain.”

Harry nodded and leaned forward to let the driver know he needed to be dropped off at Louis’ apartment. He hoped nobody would follow them.

When they pulled up to the building half an hour later, Harry pulled his hood up and slipped on his sunglasses before hurrying out of the van and inside. Panic beat in his heart as he scurried up the stairs to the third floor and pounded on the door. Luckily, Louis was already home from work so when he opened the door Harry let out a sigh of relief only to have the door slammed in his face. “Wait! Louis, please let me in!” He begged.

“No. Get fucking lost, Styles,” Louis shouted through the door, kicking it for good measure.

“Louis, you don’t understand. I didn’t do this. Please, let me try to explain!”

Silence. Harry dropped his head to rest his forehead against the door, silently pleading for Louis to let him in so he could see him. It had been two weeks since they had last spoken, and Harry was horrified that this was the reason he was here. He had wanted to give Louis space to figure things out, and he himself needed the space to cry and sort his heart out. Now it looked like Harry had leaked the photo to the media to get back at Louis. “Louis, please. You’re my best friend. I’m your best friend. We need each other,” he said, his tone softer now.

A few seconds later he heard a sigh and then the door opened. Louis was standing there, arms crossed and eyes red. “Fine. You have five minutes to explain and then I’m kicking you out,” he muttered and turned to lean against his kitchen table. Harry shut the door behind himself and stood in front of Louis.

“I am so sorry. This shouldn’t have happened. I wanted to give you the time that you needed to process things. I didn’t know about the photo until half an hour ago, I promise. I would never out you like that. I can’t even explain how awful I feel that you were outed,” Harry murmured, scuffing the toe of his boot against the floor.

“My sisters had to learn about this from Instagram. For fuck’s sake, Harry, this is why I told you to leave me alone! I didn’t want this. I wanted to figure this out on my own time in my own way,” Louis grit out through clenched teeth. “If my mother was still alive, she wouldn’t have heard it directly from me. Do you know how fucked up that is? That something that personal was posted for millions of people to see? That I got outed to all of my friends before I could even tell them?”

Harry ducked his head and nodded, rubbing his eyes. “I know. I’m so sorry. I never meant for this to happen. I know there isn’t anything I can do to change this, but is there anything I can do to help you?” He asked, pinching his lip between his fingers.

Louis shook his head. “It’s already done. Everyone knows now.” He looked away from Harry and crossed his arms. “I told you I didn’t what to be part of this life. I liked being behind the scenes. I didn’t want anyone to know about me, and now everybody knows. You may be out and open, but I’m not ready for that. I wasn’t ready. But because of you, I have to be now.” He pursed his lips and moved towards the door. “That’s all I have to say to you, Harry.”

Harry blinked back tears. He managed to go a whole three days without crying but now he was breaking his streak. “I’m so sorry. I hope someday you can forgive me for all of it,” he whispered and offered a sad smile as Louis held the door open. “Please reach out if you need me. I’ll be waiting for you.”

Louis frowned and studied Harry’s broken expression. His green eyes swimming with tears, creases between his furrowed brows, and lips so bitten from anxiety that they looked raw. “We’ll see.” He shut the door and turned the lock, leaning against the door as he heard Harry’s feet shuffle down the hall. His head tilted back and rested on the door with a thud. He lasted two whole seconds before he broke down in sobs, sinking to the floor as tears poured down his cheeks.

Louis was beyond angry. He had been thinking for the past week about telling Liam what had happened. He had even been thinking through what he was going to say to him when his phone had blown up from the tweets he was receiving about the photo. And then everything changed. Suddenly he wasn’t the Louis Tomlinson that his friends and family knew. He felt like an entirely different person, one that might not be accepted by other people. The hardest part was having the whole world talking about his relationship with Harry, but not be able to tell his mom. He couldn’t tell his mom that he liked boys or that Harry liked him. He wanted nothing more than to curl up with his head in his mom’s lap like he always had as a kid when he was hurt.

He didn’t know if he could forgive Harry for this. He knew that Harry didn’t send that photo, but it was because Harry was famous that Louis got outed. If it had been anyone other than Harry, he would never have been plastered onto gossip magazines or had his every tweet examined by an army of fans. He could have come out the way he wanted to if he ever decided that he wanted to. But that was over now.

_Lights up and they know who you are_ _/ Know who you are / Do you know who you are?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, I have a hard time writing arguments sometimes because I'm such a non-confrontational person. Oops. Let me know your thoughts if you feel so inclined!


	5. Cherry

“Harry, I know you’re upset. I’m sure this is hard to hear, but I thought you needed to know.”

Harry shook his head, fisting curls in his hands. He couldn’t believe this. It had only been a few months. How could he? Harry had been a mess for two and a half months. When he wasn’t crying, he was writing, and when he wasn’t writing he was sleeping. Two and a half months of waiting for Louis to call him and listen to his apology. But here he was, listening to Mel telling him that Louis had moved on.

“I know, Harry. I’m sorry. But I think he’s trying to figure things out,” Mel sighed, rubbing Harry’s back. “If it’s any consolation, he sounds like a good guy. He’ll be nice to Louis.”

Harry barked out a bitter laugh. “Oh yay, the person I love is kissing someone else and going on dates with another man. Oh, and yay, he’s even a nice guy,” he sneered. He knew he was being a bit of an ass but he was so fucking mad. He had been hoping that once Louis was ready to date that he would call Harry. That’s how this was supposed to work out. It’s how it works out in all the movies, all the fairytales, and all the big love songs.

Mel rolled her eyes. She knew this was hard for Harry to hear and this was just his way of processing things. She had wanted him to hear it from somebody who cared about him, she didn’t want him to be out one night at a bar and see Louis with someone else. She wanted to prepare him.

Harry buried his face in his hands and took a deep breath. “Do you think it’ll last?” He asked quietly, fearing that Louis would find someone else to fall in love with.

“I’m not sure. Louis hasn’t told Niall very much. He just told him that he had been on a few dates with someone. He didn’t tell him much more than that.” Mel shrugged. “You know Louis isn’t as open with us as he is with you. Well, _was_ with you. We found out about you two after you told us, Louis never said anything.”

With a sigh, Harry nodded and cleared his throat. “Yeah, he’s secretive about his love life.” He got to his feet and shrugged Mel’s hand off of him. “Gonna go home,” he said quietly and pulled his shoes on.

Mel offered a sad smile. “Okay. I’m really sorry, H. Let me or Ni know if you need anything. We’re always here for you.”

Niall and Mel had been his rock through the whole thing. They were there for him when he needed a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, and a support system to hold him up. Of course, he had his mom and sister but they were across the world back home. Niall and Mel were the ones helping him stay strong for the past two months and Niall had even helped Harry write a few songs to try to cope with some of the pain and anguish that Harry had been holding in. It had felt good to write, to pour his emotions out of his soul and onto a piece of paper. It’s the only thing that truly helped him feel better when he felt like his heart was cracking into a million pieces. Writing them down felt like finding each piece and taping it back together again.

That night, Harry went home and pulled out his guitar as he sat on the back deck in the cold. He looked out over the beach that reminded him of Louis and strummed a few chords before working on his latest song. He remained outside for a few hours, writing, singing, playing, and crying.

_Don’t you call him what you used to call me._

A week later, Niall invited Harry out for drinks with Liam and Louis. Harry was terrified to face Louis again, but he also wanted Louis to know that he was still there for him. He knew it would practically rip him to pieces to hear about the guy that Louis was seeing, but he needed to prove to Louis that he was still his best friend. Friday night, Harry got dressed in one of his loose printed button-ups and skinny jeans. He shoved his boots on and buttoned a few buttons at the bottom of his shirt before Niall came to pick him up.

They seated themselves at a booth in the corner, away from prying eyes that might see Harry there. Harry ordered himself a beer and trailed his fingers through the condensation on the outside of his glass while he and Niall waited for Liam and Louis to show up.

“You nervous?” Niall asked, taking a swig of his beer.

Harry chuckled, dropping his head. “Is it that obvious?” He muttered, biting at his lip. “I’m terrified.”

Niall offered a reassuring smile and reached over to squeeze his hand. “I’m here for you. Say the word and we’ll get the fuck out of here.”

“Thanks, Niall. I’ll let you know,” he agreed, looking up every time the door opened. As he was taking a sip of his beer, he heard a familiar laugh that he knew belonged to Louis. The beating of his heart quickened and he swallowed his mouthful of beer thickly, palms starting to sweat. He looked over at the door and watched as Louis walked through the door. When he saw another man behind him with an arm around Louis’ waist, Harry’s blood ran cold. He clenched his jaw and looked over at Niall. “What the fuck,” He muttered through gritted teeth.

Niall’s eyes widened comically. “Shit. I swear, I didn’t know he was bringing somebody.”

Harry pressed his lips together in a tight line and nodded. “Yeah. Well here we fucking go,” he murmured and looked back up when Louis walked over to their table with the tall man with black, short hair and a tattooed arm that was wrapped around Louis’ waist.

“Hey, lads.” Louis offered a hesitant smile and sat down next to Niall, across from Harry. “How are you?” He asked, avoiding looking at Harry while Harry was staring at the stranger with the dark hair.

“Uh. Good,” Niall said awkwardly, eyes flicking between Louis and Harry. “You?”

Louis nodded and glanced over at the guy next to him. “I’m good. This is Aaron, by the way.” The stranger, Aaron, offered a wide smile and a little wave.

Niall nodded and looked around Louis to shake hands with Aaron. “Hi. I’m Niall. This is Harry,” he hummed and nodded at his friend across the table.

“I know. I’m a huge fan, Harry. It’s awesome to meet you,” Aaron enthused, reaching across the table to shake his hand.

Harry gave him a stiff smile and a quick shake of the hand. “Hi.”

Louis swallowed thickly and licked his lips nervously. “So uh. Yeah. Liam should be here soon.”

Harry nodded and took a few huge gulps of his beer. He needed to switch to something harder as soon as possible. This was going to be a long fucking night. “I’m gonna go order another drink,” he mumbled and slid out of the booth. He glanced over his shoulder at Louis sitting next to Aaron and took a deep breath. If he had known Aaron was going to be showing up, he never would have come. He couldn’t believe that Louis would bring some guy he was seeing to meet Harry.

Louis watched Harry go and flinched when he felt Aaron’s hand on his thigh. It was harder to see Harry than he thought it would be. It hurt to see Harry after everything that had happened. Things had changed so much since he saw Harry last.

After the photo was spread across all social media his coworkers had found out. One of his coworkers had insisted Louis meet her brother and set him up on a blind date with Aaron. At first, Louis had only said yes to appease his coworker but while he was actually on the date, he found that Aaron was actually really nice. He was kind to Louis and funny and best of all, he distracted Louis from the pain in his heart caused by that night on the beach ages ago.

“Baby, let’s play some pool,” Aaron suggested with a wide grin, pulling Louis out of the booth. Louis reluctantly followed Aaron, but not before sparing a glance back at Harry at the bar.

“Okay,” Louis hummed, letting Aaron rest his hand low on his back at the curve of his bum to lead him towards the pool table.

When he returned to the table with Niall, Harry sighed heavily and sipped at his old fashioned. He slumped into his seat and watched Louis out of the corner of his eye. He hated this. He hated seeing some other man put his hand on Louis. He hated seeing another guy care for Louis when all he wanted to do was be the one to hold him.

Harry watched as Aaron wrapped his arm around Louis and pulled him back into his chest, making Louis laugh. It wasn’t the way that Harry made him laugh. Harry could make Louis laugh until his head fell back and he got the hiccups from laughing so hard. He held onto that as he watched Aaron kiss Louis’ neck and squeeze his bum. “Asshole,” he muttered and turned his attention to the drink in his hand.

The rest of the night, Harry was subjected to listening to Louis talk about how amazing Aaron was. Apparently, his parents owned some gallery in the city and had given it to Aaron as a gift which, in Harry’s opinion, was fucking ridiculous. Who gives their son an art gallery as a gift? A funny coffee mug or quirky t-shirt was a gift, not a whole fucking gallery. Aaron was also annoyingly good at pool, could play piano, and was a good painter. Harry hated him. Every time Aaron would touch Louis, Harry would twitch and try to hide his glare behind the glass of his old fashioned. Fucking prick.

_Does he take you walking ‘round his parents’ gallery?_

Louis picked up his phone, seeing a text from Aaron. He smiled and typed a reply back, sighing as he tossed his phone back onto his bed and stood in front of his mirror. Things with Aaron were good. They were easy and not complicated. He didn’t have anything to be scared of with Aaron. They hadn’t slept together yet but he had a feeling that they would soon. He had taken Harry’s advice seriously, he would only sleep with someone he truly trusted and he was still working on building that trust with Aaron. Before he left to go on their date, Louis slipped on his favorite pair of jeans and buttoned up the floral print dress shirt he had purchased a few weeks back.

He ran out to his car and hopped in, driving over to the gallery where he was meeting Aaron for their date. His parents owned some fancy art gallery in the city. It wasn’t really Louis’ thing normally but he was willing to let Aaron wine and dine him. He didn’t mind that some of their dates were boring. At least they kept him busy and Aaron was hot, so he didn’t mind kissing him. He spotted Aaron on the steps of the gallery with a bouquet of flowers. He smiled and jogged up the steps to him, letting Aaron pull him in for a kiss.

Harry sat in his town car in traffic, frowning at the horrible traffic. It would be another forty minutes before he would get home, so he turned to look out the window to watch the people. He furrowed his brows when he noticed what looked to be Louis. But he was in front of some prestigious, uppity looking building which wasn’t Louis’ style. As the man turned, Harry realized that it was Louis. He watched the young man get pulled in for a kiss and frowned, the echoes of pain rattling his heart.

“Shit,” he sighed and rubbed his eyes. He hated seeing Louis with another man. Louis seemed content, but not happy and Harry wanted more for him. He knew it wasn’t his place to say anything so he popped his earbuds in and cranked up his music to settle in for the long drive home.


	6. Falling

Harry was really fucking sick of this Aaron guy.

Every time he had seen Louis lately, Aaron has been following at his heels like a lost puppy. The guy was nice enough, but Harry still found him annoying and insufferable. He wasn’t the only one. Neither Niall nor Mel liked Aaron either, though Harry was pretty sure that was just because they knew how it made Harry feel to see Louis with someone else. Liam seemed to like the guy, but Liam liked everyone.

Harry missed his best friend. He missed curling up on the couch for movie nights and laughing as they went grocery shopping together and piled the cart full of shit they didn’t need. He missed hearing Louis laugh for him. The smiles they used to share seemed like nothing but distant memories at this point.

_And I get the feelin’ that you’ll never need me again_

It had escalated to the point where Harry had resigned himself to only going out with the full group once a week. He loved going out to dinner and hanging out with Niall, Mel, and Liam but it was too hard to watch Louis with Aaron. Even the name Aaron made him want to throw shit around and break a few things.

Tonight was the weekly dinner out with the boys, and quite frankly Harry was dreading it. It was quite enigmatic. He wanted to see Louis, to get to watch him smile and laugh with the boys but it hurt. He was so beautiful and lovely and it cut deeper than a knife.

The melancholy crept in slowly, like fog drifting across a backstreet road. He missed his best friend, and maybe it was petty but he needed to show Louis that he still cared about him. So, Harry dug a shirt out from the back of his closet. It was one of Louis’ sweaters that he had left there months ago. It was actually originally Harry’s sweater but Louis had quickly stolen it from him, claiming that it looked better on him anyway. It was always way too big on Louis and the arms would hang way past his wrists. On Harry, it fit like every other sweater, but he knew Louis would realize which sweater it was.

Harry smoothed out the wrinkles in the pale green sweater and pulled on a pair of jeans with his go-to pair of boots. His leather jacket fit snugly over the thick knitted material as he wrapped himself up in the jacket to run out to his car in the slightly cooler winter air. He missed winters in London. He missed the slowly falling snow, lazy mornings in front of a fireplace, and building snowmen with Louis back home.

He missed feeling alive. Since that day he had seen Louis and Aaron together at the gallery from the backseat of the car, he felt empty. The cavity in his chest felt hollow and loneliness came in waves, sweeping him out from his feet when he least expected it. Tonight was one of those nights.

As he sat behind the wheel, his body ached from the cold that came along with feeling like you were falling. It’s that feeling when you can’t quite catch your breath as the world flies around you and there’s not a thing you can do to stop your fall. Harry inhaled deeply, his breath rattling in his chest as he blinked back tears.

Hoping for a distraction, he turned the dial on his dash and turned it to one of the classic 80s music stations with the thought that perhaps listening to something light-hearted like Raspberry Beret or Down Under would help him keep his shit together. As the commercial break ended, Harry heard the light plucking of guitar strings as Yesterday by The Beatles came on. He turned the music up to drown out the city sounds and let the voices of one of the greatest bands in the world wash over him.

What he didn’t expect was for his eyes to prick as he sang along to the song, the lyrics flooding through his body as he sung with the radio about losing the love of your life and craving the past. He cleared his voice as it began to shake, gripping the steering wheel as if that would help keep him from crying. It was no use, though. By the end of the song, he was sniveling and quietly sobbing as he drove, passing by couples holding hands on the street and kissing in doorways. What he wouldn’t give to be one of them.

Harry punched the dial and turned the radio back off, clearly, it wasn’t helping to take his mind off of Louis. The drive to the club was a blur of green and red lights and the sounds of the city. He hardly even realized he was there until he pulled up right in front of the place. When he parked, he took deep centering breaths in hopes to calm his beating heart that felt like it was splintered and cutting him open from the inside out.

With a sigh, Harry climbed out of his car and headed inside. Heat radiated from the club as soon as he opened the doors. He could smell the sweat and alcohol in the air and he instantly wished he could go back home. He didn’t feel up for dancing and fake smiles tonight but he was already here.

Louis looked beautiful. His cheeks were a gorgeous shade of pink and his eyes shown under the dim lights. It took Harry back to the night when everything changed. He pictured the scoop neck t-shirt that Louis had been wearing that night and remembered how mesmerizing he was. Even now, Harry found himself standing near the door, in the shadows as he watched the boy laugh at something Niall had said. He desperately missed being the reason for Louis looking that happy, with crinkles by his eyes and his nose scrunched up. He missed that cute nose.

Harry groaned and scrubbed his hands over his face, hoping that he didn’t look like he had just been sobbing in his car like an idiot. He plastered a fake smile onto his face and walked towards the booth Louis, Aaron, Niall, and Liam were at as he met Liam’s eyes on the way over.

“Hey, guys,” Harry hummed and slipped off his jacket before he slid in next to Niall. “How are we all doing?” He asked, glancing over at Louis to see if he had noticed the sweater. He hadn’t. He was too busy laughing at something Aaron said.

Liam grinned. “Fantastic, bud! How are you? How’s the writing going? Niall mentioned you’ve been writing a lot recently.”

Harry noticed Louis had perked up a bit at the mention of Harry writing. He nodded and focused his attention on Liam again. “I’m alright, I guess. Written a handful so far that I think might end up on the album.”

“That’s sick, man! What are they about?” Aaron asked, grinning from ear to ear as he wrapped his arm around Louis and pulled him closer.

Harry barely managed to force a smile onto his face. “What all songs are about. Having loved and love lost.”

Louis frowned and looked away from Harry, focusing his eyes down on the drink in front of him. He had noticed the sweater. He had recognized the sweater the moment Harry walked through the front doors. He remembered cuddling up in that sweater with Harry on the couch. He remembered movie nights and cry sessions wearing that sweater. It killed him to see Harry wearing it now. And it hurt even more to know that Harry had been writing about him.

Aaron grinned and nodded his head. “I can’t wait to hear a few of them! I bet they’re sick. Your first album was awesome, man.”

Harry hummed and got up from the booth. “I’m gonna go get a drink.”

Louis watched as Harry wandered over to the bar, recognizing the hunch in his shoulders. Harry had been crying recently.

“Is he always that aloof?” Aaron asked, leaned in to whisper into his ear with a hand on his thigh.

Louis shook his head. “He’s a good guy. I’ve never known anyone like Harry.” Aaron seemed happy enough with that answer and had turned his attention to the rest of the group as they chatted about the newest movies they had seen. Louis slammed the rest of his drink and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. “Scuse me,” he murmured and got up to go get himself another drink.

Harry turned around with his drink in hand and nearly bumped into Louis. “Shit, I’m sorry,” he murmured and took a step back, studying Louis’ face.

“It’s fine.” Louis shrugged and crossed his arms, biting on the inside of his cheek. “So you’re writing again?”

Harry nodded slowly and stuffed a hand in his pocket. “Yeah. I’ve had a lot of inspiration lately,” he sighed.

Louis looked down at the ground and kicked at a napkin on the floor that was stuck to the concrete by some sugary cocktail that must have spilled. “Good for you. Glad to hear you’re writing.”

Harry scoffed and nodded. “Right,” he muttered and brushed past Louis. That’s all Louis had to say. After everything that had happened, Louis was just glad to hear he was writing. Harry shook his head and set his jaw as he let his shoulder hit Louis’ when he stormed off.

“Harry, wait!” Louis called out, grabbing Harry’s arm. “Just. Wait.” He sighed and studied Harry’s face. His eyes were bloodshot and his nose looked red. The rest of him looked pale, a lot paler than he used to look. “Are you doing okay?”

Harry pressed his lips into a firm line and pulled his arm back. “What do you care?”

Louis frowned and crossed his arms. “I care because you look awful. You look like you haven’t been sleeping and you’re way too pale considering you live on the beach.”

“Yeah, well,” Harry muttered and looked down at his feet. “It is what it is, right? You’re with Aaron.”

Louis nodded slowly and knit his brows together. “Yeah. I am.”

Harry shrugged and took a sip of his drink, turning and walking away from Louis back to the booth.

Louis sighed and ran his fingers through his messily styled fringe. He turned to the bartender and offered a tense smile. “Patron, please.” When he got his glass of tequila, he made his way to the booth to find Aaron in an animated conversation with Liam about something that Louis quite frankly didn’t care about.

By the time Louis was on his third tequila, he could barely handle being this close to Harry with his thoughts swarming and buzzing through his head so loudly he could hardly even speak. In times like this, he distracted himself, so he turned to his newest distraction. “Babe, do you wanna dance?” He asked, having to raise his voice to speak over the heavy bass.

_Don’t you call him what you used to call me._

Aaron grinned widely and nodded, helping Louis out of the booth and letting him lead him over to the dance floor.

Harry scowled at the two as they walked away and slammed the rest of his bourbon, feeling it burn as it slid down his throat.

“Mate, maybe you should slow down,” Niall warned, reaching out to touch Harry’s hand.

He yanked it away and frowned at his friend. “Fuck off. Don’t tell me what to do,” he huffed and got up from his seat.

Niall watched Harry disappear into the crowd and buried his face in his hands. This was torture. He felt like he was the only one who could see how angry Harry was with Louis and how scared Louis was to let himself truly feel something for anyone. It was excruciatingly frustrating to watch two of his closest friends suffer like this. They were both miserable, Louis was just trying to pretend and convince himself that he wasn’t.

Harry's eyes were on Louis on the dancefloor, smiling up at Aaron with his arms around his shoulders. The way he danced with Harry. The hands on Louis’ back slipped lower and lower, slipping to his bum and squeezing tightly. He swallowed another gulp of his drink and glared at the man. ‘Keep it together, keep it together,’ he chanted to himself. When the hands on Louis’ ass slipped under the waistband of his jeans, Harry jolted and spun away to go find another drink.

By the time Niall caught sight of Harry again, he was so drunk that his shirt had ended up completely unbuttoned and he was leading a group of attractive men and women in singing along to whatever the DJ was playing. He looked absolutely plastered, his curls in a messy disarray and his eyes glassy and seemingly unfocused. Niall had the sinking feeling that something bad was going to happen.

Harry’s head was swimming, blurs of beautiful people filling his head but there was only one beautiful person that he really wanted tonight. Some young, hot guy slid up next to him and was saying something to him, Harry could hardly pay attention to the actual words that were coming out of his mouth. It apparently had something to do with dancing because the attractive young man was leading him onto the dance floor and instantly had turned to grind his ass against Harry’s front.

He felt a bit lost, so he looked around to try to find his friends but his gaze stopped cold when it landed on Louis. Hands touching Louis. Lips on Louis’. A man that wasn’t him dancing with his golden boy. Everything turned red when Louis’ ass was grabbed by two hands that were not Harry’s. In anger, Harry spun the guy whose ass was pressing into his crotch and pulled him in for a deep kiss.

From his spot at the booth, Niall’s stomach dropped as he watched Harry drag some guy that looked a bit like Louis into a messy kiss barely a few feet from where Louis and Aaron were dancing. “Ah, fuck,” he sighed and shook his head, chugging his beer.

Harry gripped the man’s ass as their tongues swirled messily together. He didn’t feel right. His breath tasted like cheap booze and cigarettes. No watermelon sugar. He was jolted from his thoughts as he felt someone bump into him and knock him away from the man he was kissing. He furrowed his brows in confusion and realized it was Louis.

“Fuck no. Fucking shit,” he slurred and turned and walked away from the guy on the dancefloor, earning a few profanities thrown after him. He followed Louis out the front door and onto the sidewalk.

Louis looked over his shoulder at Harry and glared. Anger bubbled up in his veins and went straight to his hands that balled up into fists. “Fuck off, Harry,” he sneered with a clenched jaw. He did not want to see him right now. He had no clue how much that had hurt to watch Harry holding some stranger when Louis was right there.

“No! I don’t want to fuck off.” Harry crossed his arms and frowned at Louis, swaying a bit from the alcohol in his system.

Louis’ nostrils flared as he reached out and shoved Harry. “I said fuck off! I thought by now you should know what ‘fuck off’ means!” He yelled, infuriated.

Harry’s mouth fell open and his eyes narrowed to slits. “Don’t you dare bring that up. That was your fucking fault! I fucking cared about you, you shit!” How dare Louis bring up the day that Harry poured his heart out for him. Harry had bared his soul, ripped out his heart, and handed it to Louis on a silver platter and here Louis was throwing it back in his face for the millionth time.

“Oh really? You fucking cared about me? Is that why you’re shoving your disgusting tongue down some stranger's throat?” Louis screeched and shoved Harry again.

“Disgusting? That’s not what you said on the beach! Or in the Blue Moon bathroom! Or in my living room.”

Louis glared at Harry and stomped his foot. “Just because I didn’t see it then doesn’t mean I don’t see it now. I guess what they all said about you was true. You’re just a man whore who tangles people up in your web, fucks them, and then spits them out when you’re through with them.”

“Don’t you fucking dare! I’m not the one that’s going around town trying out every dick for size to figure out which one I like best! Spoiler alert, Louis, it’ll always be me! My cock is the one you’re always going to remember!” Harry yelled, kicking a trashcan on the sidewalk.

Louis scoffed and crossed his arms. “Oh, really? Well, maybe I am trying out every new dick because of you. Maybe it’s your fucking fault because of that stupid photo. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have been outed like that, you sick fuck.”

Harry clenched his jaw and leaned down so his face was level with Louis’. “I told you that wasn’t my fault. Why don’t you just got take your tight little ass back inside to that fucking boring ass Ken doll that you call a boyfriend and see if he can fuck you better.”

Louis’ eyes prickled with angry tears. He shook his head and looked down at the ground. “Fuck you, Styles. You’re the biggest mistake of my life,” he muttered and shoved past Harry and back into the club.

Harry sat there on the sidewalk, the words they had just screamed at each other sinking in. Biggest mistake of Louis’ life. He was the biggest mistake of his life.

He doesn’t remember how he got home that night. Everything after that was a blur. He was fairly sure Niall came out of the club and yelled at him for something, but he doesn’t know what. He remembers crawling into bed, tears stinging his eyes as he cried himself to sleep. He remembers dreaming of Louis and thinking back to when things were better.

_Forget what I said / It’s not what I meant / And I can’t take it back / I can’t unpack the baggage you left_

The morning after was the worst. Memories flooded back of all of the things he said. He didn’t mean any of them. He was just so angry and upset that Louis was with someone else. He was sure it made him an ass, but Louis had said some awful things too. His limbs were heavy as lead and his mind was numb to the pain. The throbbing of the hangover was nothing compared to the gaping hole in his heart.

Harry was sure Louis would never forgive him after the things he said to him. He would never again hear Louis’ laugh ringing through the halls of his home. He would never feel Louis’ eyelashes flutter against his chest after waking up from a nap. Those memories of soft-spoken words and secrets whispered under blankets were all he had left. Ghosts of love lost.

The hole in his chest burned, feeling like his heart was about to crawl out of his chest. It hurt so bad that he can’t feel where his lungs are anymore. He had lost everything that was important to him. His best friend and his love. Harry curled onto his side, clutching the pillow that Louis used to use to his chest and screaming into it. Sobs wracked his body, every limb trembling as he emptied his heart into the pillow that didn’t smell like Louis anymore.

He cried until his lungs burned for air. He cried until the throbbing in his head matched the throb in his chest. He cried until he could barely feel anything but pain and more pain. The tears slipping down his cheeks left stains on Louis’ pillow that wasn’t really Louis’ pillow anymore. It hadn’t been for a long time. And it would never really be his pillow again, not after last night.

Anger surged through him like someone had injected adrenaline straight into his heart. With a choked out, painful scream, Harry grabbed Louis’ pillow and threw it across the room. It knocked something off the dresser with the tell-tale sound of shattering glass. He screamed out again in frustration and dragged himself to his feet to pick up whatever fell off the dresser and broke.

It was the picture of Louis and Harry on the front steps of Harry’s house the day that he bought it. _Shit_. Harry crouched down and went to pick up the picture. He winced as he accidentally sliced his finger on a piece of shattered glass and picked up the photo, smearing blood near the edge of the picture. He remembered that day.

Louis had been so helpful with getting Harry’s things moved into the beach house after his first album had rocketed to the top of the charts. The first thing Harry had done was buy this place. Louis was the first in line to offer his help moving. That day, the two of them ran around the house together, shouting happily as they ripped open boxes and took Harry’s things out. They had been so happy. He longed to have that back but knew that he wouldn’t get it.

With the picture still in his hand and his finger still bleeding, Harry crawled back into his bed and curled up without Louis’ pillow. He pressed the photo to his chest and let the new waves of tears fall over him as he melted into a puddle of despair, sadness, grief, and heartbreak.

_I’m in my bed / And you’re not here / And there’s no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heartbreak is one of those things that's difficult for me to write sometimes. I never had to experience the heartbreak of a breakup, I ended up marrying the first man I dated so I hope I did okay! Let me know in the comments!


	7. To Be So Lonely

Heartbreak is a fickle thing. One minute you’re smiling at an old picture, transported back in time to the moment it was taken. In the moment, you can feel the sun on your skin from that day on the beach and smell the faint smell of sunscreen. You can hear the waves and children laughing in the distance. You can picture your best friend building a sandcastle with his sisters.

It all seems so real and your heart warms with the memory of better times. In an instant, that warmth can turn into harsh pangs that feel like icicles driving into your heart. More memories flood into your mind, of tears slipping down ruddy cheeks, of things left unsaid.

He wished he had told Louis how it hurts. He should have confessed that seeing Louis with Aaron felt like barbed wire wrapped around his heart, being pulled tighter with every shared touch as the barbs cut in and left their ragged scars. It was too late. He had said things he never should have said. The words he had screamed at Louis had cut the tie between them the minute they escaped his lips. Harry knew that now.

He had busied himself with days in the studio, trying his best to focus on his music and not the gaping hole in his chest that still felt raw even after three weeks. They say that time heals everything, but Harry would very much like to call bull shit. His wounded heart festered over time like an infection spreading through his body and taking hold of every part of his being.

Harry wasn’t generally a violent person, so it was shocking to him when that sadness turned to anger and his hands twitched with the need to break something. He luckily had a sparring dummy in his garage from the few months that he had gotten really into boxing. When the fury began to course through him, Harry would grab his boxing gloves and punch, kick, and scream as he attacked the dummy until fatigue plagued his body. Only then did the anger and frustration subside.

It was exhausting, having his moods change so quickly and feeling so lost. He used to think it was Louis who was lost, but he had realized that he was just as lost. Without his best friend, he felt like a seed from a cottonwood tree, floating through the air and getting pushed around by the world. He hated it. He missed being tied to Louis in life and having someone to always turn to. Louis would know just how to make him feel better in times like this, but Louis was the problem.

Harry hadn’t realized how dependent on Louis he had grown until he wasn’t around anymore. Without Louis leaving a mess around his home, Harry’s house felt empty and cold. Without the sound of Louis’ yelling at the TV screen while playing video games, his house felt too quiet. His home felt too everything. Too quiet, too cold, too sad, too big, too hollow. What he wouldn’t give to have Louis back.

Harry knew from Niall that things were going pretty well between Aaron and Louis, which was disappointing and heartbreaking all at once. Apparently, Aaron had introduced Louis to his parents but Harry wasn’t sure if Louis had let Aaron meet his siblings yet or not. Niall never had much information on Louis himself. Harry worried about him.

Harry had taken to watching old videos from nights out with Louis. They hurt just as much as they made him happy. He loved remembering how happy they once were, years ago. He pulled up his favorite video, the one where Louis had gotten really drunk at a house party and had insisted on riding around on Harry’s back.

> _“C’mon, H! You’d make the perfect pony!” Louis slurred, sticking his lower lip out in a pout as he pulled on a loose curl._
> 
> _Harry had laughed, equally as drunk as Louis was. “Louuuuu, you’re too heavy. That ass is too big for me to carry,” he giggled and nudged Louis playfully._
> 
> _The younger Louis gasped and held his hand over his chest like a scandalized aristocrat. “Why, Harold that is the nicest yet meanest thing you’ve ever said to me!”_
> 
> _Harry’s eyes rolled and he wrapped his long, gangly arms around the smaller boy and kissed his cheek sloppily. “It’s because I loooove you! You’re my bestest friend, Lou. Bestest ever in the whole world,” he had sighed and squeezed Louis tight._
> 
> _“Then let me ride on your back! I wanna piggyback ride!” Louis whined and shook Harry’s shoulders._
> 
> _Harry had never been one to be able to refuse Louis, so he had let him climb onto his back with his legs hooked around Harry’s waist and his arms looped around his neck. The video followed Harry and Louis as they ran around the back yard at Liam’s house, screaming happily as they ran laps around the bonfire._
> 
> _Louis looked so happy, cheeks pink from the booze and his eyes sparkling with glee._
> 
> _Someone off camera had given them sparklers and the two of them were trying to write their names in the dark with the sparks flying through the air_.

Harry swallowed what felt like a ragged chunk of glass in his throat and blinked back tears, swiping to the next video. A watery smile graced his face as he pressed play.

> _Louis’ face was close to the camera and it looked like he was jogging down the steps of his apartment building. He smiled breathlessly at the screen and shoved open a door._
> 
> _“H, you’re not gonna fucking believe what just happened!” Louis laughed, having to hold the phone close to his face so the camera got a close up of his forehead and eye brows as he got into his car._
> 
> _“I was on my way up to my apartment, and there’s this huge fucking bear, like one of those ridiculous Valentine’s bears that’s way too big for any normal human being, and it’s just sitting there. It’s like, in front of somebody’s door but blocking half the hallway.” Louis buckled in and pulled back the phone to be in the frame. “So, I’m walking out of my apartment and locking the door when this girl opens her door and sees this thing. She’s all happy or whatever but then she reads the card. And, oh my god Harry, the card from her boyfriend or fuck buddy or whatever is addressed to Kayla.” Louis paused for dramatic effect. “But this girl’s name is fucking Bridget! Her dumbass boyfriend sent the wrong Valentine to the wrong girl!” He laughed and shook his head._
> 
> _“So I’m sitting there, like awkwardly watching her rip up the card and she starts kicking the shit out of the bear. Full on, MMA fighting this hot pink stuffed bear that’s taller than she is. I’ve gotta get around this girl, right? So I tried to sneak around her and I swear she almost punched me as she’s beating the shit out of a stuffed animal. Then she calls her boyfriend and fucking goes off at him. The guy seems like a douche. From what I overheard, the dude had meant to send it to his other girlfriend for their anniversary but gave the wrong address. Guy forked over a ton of money just to send it to the wrong person. Man, it was fucking wild!” He laughed and shook his head._
> 
> _“Anyway, I gotta go to work. Have a good day. Love you, H!”_

Harry wiped the tears from his cheeks and tosses his phone on the couch, leaning forward and burying his head in his hands as his body trembles with the tears. He should probably stop watching old videos. But he missed hearing Louis tease him for his odd sense of fashion or laugh at his silly antics. He would give anything to hear Louis call him Harold again or make fun of him for how slow he talks. He would even take Louis being angry with him if it meant that they could talk again.

They hadn’t spoken at all since the club when Harry fucked everything up. He knew Louis probably wouldn’t answer his phone if he had bothered to call, but honestly, he was just embarrassed. He was ashamed of the things he had said and how angry he had gotten over seeing Aaron and Louis.

Harry had even grown to hate sleeping. He hated crying himself to sleep only to dream of what life could have been like with Louis. In his dreams, Louis shone like the sun with lips like sugar and eyes like the ocean. When he woke, he felt worse than he had the night before. It was a vicious cycle that he ached to break out of.

As he walked through his home or shuffled along the beach, his body screamed at him to rest but he knew what would be waiting for him. Dreams of Louis that sparked false hope in his soul. He knew it wasn’t healthy, but he could hardly take the pain.

_Cause I miss the shape of your lips / your wit / it’s just a trick / And this is it, so I’m sorry_

Harry missed his mum. She had called him after Louis had been outed and they had talked about what had happened. He left her out of the loop about them hooking up and then falling out, he didn’t want her to worry. But he really missed her, and he felt like he needed to hear her voice tell him everything was going to be okay. He took a deep breath and clicked on her contact in his phone, sighing as he waited for her to pick up.

“Harry! My boy, how are you doing?” His mom’s voice came from the phone pressed to his ear and Harry instantly broke down into sobs, the kind that take over your whole body. “Harry, sweetheart, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Harry sniffled, choking out a soft ‘no.’

“Oh, sweetie. What’s wrong?” Anne asked again, her voice sounding too far away.

“Mum? Can I come home?” Harry cried, rubbing his eyes with a soft hiccup.

“Of course you can, dear. You don’t even have to ask. You’re always welcome here. I miss you, baby.”

Harry nodded, though his mother couldn’t see. “I miss you too.”

His mom let him cry for a few minutes while he was on the line with her, listening to her softly soothe him to stop the tears.

“I’m gonna fly out tomorrow morning. I should be there by dinner,” Harry sniffled into the phone. He just needed his mom to hold him and give him her best hugs.

“Okay, dear. I’ll have a roast waiting for you. I love you, Harry. You’re my favorite son,” Anne murmured, softly joking with him to attempt to cheer him up even a little bit.

“I know. You’re my favorite mum,” Harry laughed softly, wiping his cheeks with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. “I love you. I’ll tell you everything tomorrow.”

“Okay. I love you too.”

Harry pulled the phone away from his ear and hung up, feeling like the weight on his shoulders was just a little bit lighter than before. He booked a flight for the morning and put his phone away before heading to his room to pack. He was going home.

The next morning, Harry woke up early to meet the car downstairs that was there to pick him up. He wasn’t looking forward to having to go to LAX to get on his fight, but he would just have to deal with the photographers that would more than likely be there. They somehow always knew how to find him.

He grabbed his suitcase and slid a pair of sunglasses over his eyes, though it wasn’t bright out just yet. He just wanted to hide the dark circles under his eyes. Lord knows the press would have a field day with him looking like shit and it would be all over Twitter in seconds. He settled into the back of the car that came to pick him up and popped his earbuds in with music blasting in his ears.

Harry wasn’t at all surprised to find that there were paparazzi crowded around the gate. He sighed and pulled the collar of his jacket up to hide more of his face. He waited for security to come to escort him into the airport and ignored the photographers who were shouting at him to try to get his attention as he walked briskly into the airport. The security team led him through the airport and he was soon seated on the plane, earbuds still blasting music in hopes that nobody would try to talk to him.

When he landed in London, he breathed a sigh of relief. He was home. He liked California but London would always be his home. He smiled softly at the soft dusting of snow on the ground. He had missed the snow so much. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, letting the flakes land on his face before they melted on his skin. He heard someone clear their throat, so he apologized and climbed into the car to head home to his mom’s house.

It was a relatively short drive to his mother’s house just outside of London and Harry was really looking forward to getting to talk to his mom and hug her. He was also truly excited about the roast she said she was making. When he stepped through the front doors of her home, he inhaled the warm and welcoming smell of a roast in the oven and sighed happily.

“Mom?” He called out and heard her hurrying towards the door.

“Harry! Sweetie, I missed you so much!” Anne grinned and pulled Harry into a bone-crushing hug.

“Missed you too,” Harry hummed, his body melting in his mother’s embrace. God, he had really missed her.

“Come on in, the roast is just about ready. Go on and put your things in your room,” Anne suggested and closed the door behind Harry.

Harry nodded and gave her another hug before he hauled his things upstairs and set his suitcase down on the foot of his bed. His walls were covered in old photos of himself and Louis, and he had to pretty much force himself not to look before he turned the lights off and returned to the dining room for dinner.

It was really nice to get to catch up with his mom, though he really missed having Robin around to chat with. He knew his mom was lonely in the house all by herself, even though Gemma tried to visit every once in a while. The roast was wonderful, as Anne’s cooking always was, and the Christmas-scented candle in the middle of the dining room table reminded Harry of holidays past.

As they neared the end of dinner, Anne finally set her silverware down and looked at Harry intently. “Are you going to tell me why you called me crying last night?” She asked gently.

Harry let out a long sigh and nodded, eyes cast down on his potatoes. “Yeah.” He rubbed his eyes and rested his head in his hands. “So um. Louis and I were a thing, kind of. I know you kind of knew that from the photo that got leaked. Well, I really really liked him. Before the photo was posted, I had told Louis that I loved him and the feelings weren’t mutual. I think he was just scared but he told me that he didn’t like me back and he didn’t want anything to do with the spotlight that comes with dating somebody in the public eye. It really freaking sucked. I thought maybe he just needed space so I didn’t talk to him for a few days but then the photo leaked and he blamed me for outing him. I tried to apologize and tell him what happened but he didn’t want to hear it. So I just tried to give him more space but then he shows up to hang out with Liam, Niall, and I with some other guy on his arm. Apparently, they’d been on a few dates or something. One of the times we all went out I got really drunk and kind of kissed somebody else in front of him. We said some pretty awful things to each other and he hasn’t spoken to me since.”

Anne’s eyebrows were raised as she listened to her son explain. “I see. I’m really sorry, Harry. It’s never easy to watch someone you love with someone else,” she sighed and walked around the table to give him a big hug. “I’m so sorry, dear. I’m sure things will either work themselves out or you’ll find that all of this was preparing you for something bigger and better. I know that doesn’t make you feel any better right now, but it’s true. These things happen for a reason, even though it hurts.”

Harry sighed and nodded, squeezing her back. “Yeah. It hurts.” He buried his face in her shoulder and let out a shaky breath. “I just wanted to come home and get away from all of it.”

“And you can stay for as long as you’d like, sweetie. Stay for however long you need,” Anne promised and kissed his cheek. “Now, how about we make some Christmas cookies?” She suggested, knowing that baking used to really help Harry distract himself and feel better when he was in high school.

Harry offered her a smile and nodded. “That would be great, mom.”

“What’s with this ‘mom’ stuff? You’ve been in the States for too long, my dear,” Anne teased and rubbed Harry’s back before releasing him.

Harry laughed softly and shrugged. “Yeah, probably. Losing my accent over there,” he joked and grabbed the plates to clean up after dinner so they could make some cookies.

He smiled to himself as he and his mother made cookies in the kitchen like they used to years ago before Harry made it big. It felt good, to be back in the kitchen next to her as they rolled dough out and cut out shapes with the cutters. He hadn’t cooked or baked much lately, his home was covered in take out boxes and empty chip bags. He usually ate healthily but with everything going on, he didn’t have the energy or heart to put in the work.

Harry bundled himself up in his coat, mitten, and scarf before he stepped out into the fresh snow to clear his mind. His breath puffed between his lips as he hunched his shoulders and set off down the road. The crisp air hurt in the best way. It stung in his lungs and made his eyes prickle in the chilled air. It was refreshing, like being dunked into a pool during a heatwave.

He figured he would spend a few weeks here perhaps, just take his time refocusing and hopefully it would help him to get over Louis. It was about time he moves on, Louis had. He didn’t want to follow Louis around forever, hoping he eventually dumped Aaron and came back to him. Louis seemed happy and didn’t show any signs of leaving Aaron anytime soon, Harry may as well try to find happiness somewhere else.

Harry was jolted out of his train of thought as his phone rang in his pocket. He checked the screen with a sigh and lifted it to his ear. “Hello.”

“Harry! Good to hear from you!” One of his managers spoke, but Harry could sense this wasn’t just a social call.

“Hi. What’s up?” Harry wandered towards the park at the end of the block.

“Well, we’re just calling because we wanted to see if you were interested in doing a small show while you’re in London.”

Harry narrowed his eyes. “How did you know I was in London?”

“Photos are online, Harry.” Harry rolled his eyes. “-And to be honest, you look rough. Everyone’s trying to figure out what happened. You haven’t been seen anywhere in a long time, and when the public does see you, you look like you haven’t showered or slept in weeks.”

Harry groaned and rubbed his eyes with his mittens. “Okay, so just post some photos of me from the last time I was photographed.”

“Well, people are starting to talk about who might have you all twisted up and we really want the conversation to be around the new album you’re writing. Figured maybe you could do a small show in a pub or something and we’ll leak videos to the press.”

Harry at least appreciated that his team didn’t want to spin this into a whole star-crossed lovers story with another model of some sort. They at least wanted to focus on the music, which Harry could handle. He could handle doing a show, it might even help him feel better. “Yeah, I can do that. Sounds good. I’m here in London for a week or two. Is that enough time to set something up?”

“Plenty of time. I’ll get back to you with the details soon, Harry. Have a good night.”

“Thanks. Bye,” Harry murmured and hung up the phone, wandering over to the fountain that was frozen over.

It was hard to believe it was already the end of November. Time had flown by and pretty soon it would be Christmas. He loved spending the holidays with his family but he didn’t want to have to explain to them why Louis wasn’t with. They always spent Christmas Eve with Louis’ family for his birthday and Christmas Day with Harry’s. This would be the first birthday in years that Harry wasn’t at. He hated it. It didn’t seem right to not be there for Louis on his day, but he also didn’t think he could just show up at the Tomlinson house either.

Harry’s fingers eventually went numb, so he wandered towards town to check if anyplace was open. As he walked the streets of the small town, he spotted a small café tucked off to the side with a neon sign lit up. He saw a sign that said ‘Coffee & Beer for Whatever You Need’ propped up in the window, so he crossed the street and slipped inside the Beachwood Cafe.

The little bell on the door rang as he stepped inside the café. He looked around, noticing only a few patrons in the place and figured they were regulars.

“Go ahead and seat yourself!” A voice called out from the kitchen.

Harry craned his head and spotted a woman in a diner uniform snapping gum in her mouth. He lifted a hand in hello and walked over to a small table by the window. After a few minutes, the woman walked over with her notepad and cocked her hip.

“What can I get for you, love?” She asked in a sigh, chewing her gum like she was bored.

“Um. Just coffee is fine.” Harry offered a small smile and received one in return.

“Be right back with that.”

He watched her go and turned his head to look out at the snow falling on the streets. He loved this time of year. The world seemed quieter with a fresh layer of snow covering everything. He liked the quiet.

When the woman brought the mug of coffee over, Harry accepted it and slid the money across the table. “Just the coffee. Thank you.”

She nodded and left him to sit in silence. Harry warmed his hands on the coffee and let his mind wander in this little café that seemed forgotten about and pushed off to the side. He felt like he could relate to that. Though, he had been the one to fuck everything up, he just had a hard time admitting that he was wrong.

He hated himself for what he had said, but he figured the only way he could make it up to Louis was to let him live his life now, despite how much it hurt. It pained him to know that he had hurt Louis but at the same time he held so much anger in his bones. He didn’t know if Louis could ever forgive him, but he didn’t know if he could forgive Louis either.

That weekend, Harry found himself sitting on an old wooden bar stool in one of the pubs he and Louis used to go to. His hands trembled as he rubbed them on his jean-clad thighs to calm his nerves. He closed his eyes and thought about the nights he and Louis had hung out here, sitting in the booth over in the corner like they did every Friday night. The crowd that had gathered clapped as someone announced that Harry would be performing tonight.

Harry took a deep breath and grabbed his guitar from the case before he walked onto the small, worn-in wooden stage. He pasted on a smile and perched himself on the bar stool in the middle of the stage.

“Thanks for coming ‘round, everyone. Uh. I’ll be playing a few songs for you all tonight. Some of them, you’ll recognize and some of them you won’t,” He spoke into the microphone, looking around at the faces in the bar. A few claps rang out. “Thanks.” He chuckled and cleared his throat, looking down at his fingers as he strummed the intro for Two Ghosts.

A few of the people in the crowd clapped again, recognizing the song. Harry smiled and bobbed his head to the beat in his head. “Same lips red, the same eyes blue, same white shirt, couple more tattoos,” he sang into the mic, letting his eyes slip shut.

He felt his heart swell as he continued singing, fingers moving easily over the strings of the guitar.

“We’re not who we used to be. We’re not who we used to be. We’re just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me, trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat,” He crooned, opening his eyes and looking out over the faces in the bar, wishing Louis were here to hear him.

Over the next hour he played Sweet Creature, Ever Since New York, and From the Dining Table off the old album as well as what he had so far of Adore You, Cherry, and Falling. He had just finished writing the music for his new songs, and part of him was hoping Louis would eventually hear him and know that he was singing to him because he didn’t know how to tell Louis how he really felt any other way.

As he played the last few chords of Falling, he let his head tip forward and eyes fall shut. “Fallin,” he sang, barely loud enough to be picked up by the mic.

_And I’m just an arrogant son of a bitch / Who can’t admit when he’s sorry._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought of this chapter!


	8. She

Harry pulled his jacket around himself tighter as he walked into the Beachwood Café, adjusting the sunglasses perched on his nose. He’d been visiting more often lately, finding that it was the perfect place to sit and write. He liked how few people there were in the evenings, it felt good to find somewhere small and secluded like this and he was able to get inspiration from the people who were there.

On his way to his favorite table, Harry ordered a black coffee that was served in an old chipped mug. To someone else, this place might look like a bit of a dive, but Harry had grown to love being here. His fellow patrons were all interesting, and he loved to watch the other people while he listened to music. He often wondered what path had taken each person here and what their story was.

One woman in particular held Harry’s curiosity the most. In the evenings when Harry was staying late, he often noticed the woman with beautiful curly red hair and dark circles under her eyes. Harry had noticed that she met different men almost every time, each one in varying states of what seemed to be paranoia mixed with excitement. He would watch as the woman spoke to the men, never drinking more than a glass of water while her companions usually ordered a beer.

Harry found himself thinking of her often. He wondered what her name was and who the men she was meeting with were. He figured she was possibly an escort, meeting with men in a public place until she deemed them trustworthy enough to leave with them. He hoped she was being safe. She seemed nice enough.

Harry looked up as the woman entered the café with a beautiful navy velvet dress and high heels. He listened as they clicked against the linoleum towards one of the smaller tables in the corner of the café. She ordered her typical water and sat with her legs gracefully crossed and her hands placed delicately in her lap. She hardly touched her water.

A man walks in with a crisp navy suit and a yellow tie that looks like it’s a bit too tight. Harry watched out of the corner of his eye as the man sits down across from her, fidgeting with the ring on his finger as he greets her nervously. If Harry had to guess, this man was most likely married. His socks were mismatched too. Maybe he just had a kid and is looking for an escape.

The woman gives him a demure smile and reaches across the table to rest her manicured hand on one of his trembling ones. The two speak for a while, maybe half an hour before she places a bill on the table and gets to her feet, holding her hand out for him to take.

Harry wonders about her. She’s beautiful and young and appears to be good with people. He finds himself imagining who she might be and how she found herself in that line of work.

Harry closes his notebook and rests his chin in his palm, staring out the window as he imagines what her life must be like. He wonders if she’s lonely or if the men she meets with provide her with a sense of friendship. He wonders if she loves anyone. The following few nights, Harry dreams of mystery. Curly hair, red lips, and tired eyes.

_She lives in daydreams with me / she’s the first one that I see / And I don’t know why / I don’t know who she is_

Harry finds himself at the Beachwood Café once again that weekend, leather notebook in hand and earbuds pouring music. The boys had been pestering him to go out with them again. It didn’t just hurt to see Louis anymore, it hurt to see his friends now too. Plastering a fake smile on his face had become so taxing that he could hardly stand to fake being alright for more than an hour. It was easier to pull away from them and resign himself to his frequent outings to a small café with few visitors where no one knew his troubles and no one really cared to.

The woman who had been haunting his dreams lately walked in and Harry took note of the flowy black jumpsuit she was wearing with an edgy blazer that seemed tailored for her. Her eyes looked up to meet Harry’s and she raised a curious brow as he ripped his gaze from her and looked back down at his notebook.

“Excuse me,” a husky female voice spoke.

Harry’s head snapped up and he blushed at the woman with red curly hair. “Uh, hi.”

The woman tilted her head to the side and studied him closely. “You’ve been staring at me.”

With a cringe, Harry scratched the back of his neck and pulled out his earbuds. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“That’s alright. In any normal circumstance, it would probably be a bit rude, but I’ve seen you here for a few weeks now and you seem harmless,” the woman hummed and nodded at the chair across from Harry. “May I?”

Harry’s brows furrowed but he nodded and cleaned up the papers he had strewn across the table. “Sure. Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” The woman took her seat and crossed her legs across the table.

“I don’t mean to pry, but um. The past few weeks you’ve been meeting with people here. Don’t you have another…. Man who’s on the way?” Harry asked, trying not to be rude but he really didn’t want to be caught up in the middle of anything when a strange man shows up and the woman he’s supposed to be meeting with is sitting with another man.

The woman laughed and shook his head. “So you have been watching me.” She winked, causing Harry to look down at his coffee with embarrassment. “No, I’m not meeting with anyone tonight. Well, I was supposed to but they just canceled on me and I’m already here.”

Harry nodded slowly, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth. He ran his finger over the chip on the mug’s handle. “I see.”

“You a writer?” The woman asked, nodding at the notebook in front of Harry.

“Kind of. I like to write songs,” Harry murmured, still a bit confused as to why this woman had come over to speak with him.

“I’m Glen, by the way.” She smiled and offered her hand.

Harry couldn’t help but wonder if that was her real name. He reached out and accepted her hand, shaking it before withdrawing again. “Harry.”

The two made small talk for a little while, touching on the weather and the fresh blanket of snow they had gotten the day before as they got to know each other. Harry smiled as he got to know Glen a bit. She seemed incredibly wise, which took him by surprise more than he would like to admit.

Glen brushed her curly hair away from her face and nodded at his notebook. “So are you a full-time songwriter or do you have another job?”

“Yeah. I write and sing a little,” Harry hummed and tilted his head. “Do you mind if I ask what you do?”

She chuckled and shook her head. “I don’t mind. I wouldn’t really have much of a business if I minded.” She smiled as the waitress brought over a glass of water. When she was out of earshot, Glen continued. “I’m a full-time office assistant but I do sex work in the evenings and on weekends.”

Harry had figured as much. “I see. Do you like it?”

Glen laughed again. “I’m not sure that like is the word I would use. But when you’re $100,000 in debt after pursuing a secondary education in the States, you have to make do. There are things I enjoy about what I do. I like connecting with people.”

“Connecting with people?”

She nodded. “Each of my clients is looking for something. I like that I can help them find what they’re hunting for.”

“And what are they looking for?”

“It varies from person to person. I’ve found that most of my clients are looking for connection. So many of them have been through some kind of trauma that they’re trying to heal and I can help with that. Sometimes all they need is someone to show them that they’re cared about and they’re worthy of feeling appreciated.”

Harry bit his lip and sighed. “It’s tough to make someone feel that.”

The woman tilted her head, seemingly studying Harry’s face. He had a feeling she recognized him but she didn’t say anything about it. “It can be,” she agreed. “But them contacting me is the first step. When they set up a meet, they’re at the point where they’re desperate to feel connected. Usually, it’s from a previous relationship. Loving someone and having it end in heartbreak leaves holes in the heart, I think. When I meet with them, I’m able to temporarily take away that pain. It doesn’t last forever, but for the time that I have with them I help them feel cared for and taken care of.”

“I suppose. But doesn’t that really fucking suck?” Harry sighed. “Not being able to feel whole again on your own and relying on a fleeting bandaid to try to feel happy again?”

The woman smiled and took a sip of her water. “Tell me this. When you write, does it fill the holes in your heart or does it put a bandaid over the wound to help you feel better?”

Harry thought for a few moments. “I suppose it’s more temporary. It doesn’t fix the problem, but it does make me feel better.”

“Well there you go, then. I think the bandaids tide you over though. It works and does the job of keeping you going until you’re ready to really fix the problem.”

“Guess so.” Harry tapped his pencil on his chin. “How did you get into the business?” He asked, curiosity giving him the courage to be nosey.

“That’s a story that needs to be told with something more than just water,” Glen hummed and scooted her chair back. “I’ll be right back.”

Harry watched as she walked over to the bar. The mystery surrounding her pulled him in, and he could easily see how she kept up such a successful client list.

When she returned with a glass of wine, Glen sat down once again and crossed her legs. “Well,” she began and took a sip. “God, this wine is terrible,” she laughed and shook her head after taking another sip. “After University I was in pretty crazy debt. With the economic crash in 2008, it was next to impossible to find a job. Luckily for me, the crash in the economy caused a lot of people to be faced with loneliness. I started off working on the streets, which is horribly unsafe until another girl taught me how to be smarter about it. She taught me about vetting clients, choosing safe locations, and I got good enough at it that I didn’t have to sleep with any of them to make money. I work with people who don’t want to be lonely anymore, and that doesn’t have to include physical intimacy.”

Harry nodded as she explained it, pursing his lips. “Do you ever feel lonely though? It’s gotta feel so lonely to always be there for other people like that.”

“It is,” Glen agreed and sighed, taking another sip of her wine.

“Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?” Harry asked curiously.

“That’s a tough one to answer. Not necessarily a boyfriend.”

“Oh. What about, like. Your clients getting attached to you, like too attached.”

“Some clients do. In those situations, I explain to them what the boundaries are and as long as they respect the boundaries then nothing needs to change.” She shrugged.

Harry picked at the corner of his notebook at a loose string. “Have you ever gotten attached to a client?”

Glen looked down at her glass and nodded slowly. “Yes.” She sat there for a few moments, silently contemplating something. “I fell in love with one, actually.”

Harry’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Really?”

She nodded and offered a smile. “Yep. He was a businessman who came to me after his daughter passed away. His wife was an emotional wreck and he needed someone to care about him and be there for him because his wife was having a hard enough time mourning her daughter.”

“Fuck,” Harry muttered. “That’s awful.”

“It was really hard on him. We had a few appointments a week for six months. I had let my guard down and he had told me he was planning on leaving his wife, but he didn’t want to leave her so soon after their daughter’s death. He was a wonderful man with kind eyes and a loving heart. He had experienced things that no father should ever have to experience and I was grateful to be able to help him through the process.”

Harry couldn’t help but frown. It was difficult to think of someone cheating on their wife during one of the worst moments a parent could experience. “Did you ever tell him?”

“I did. He promised to leave his wife for me.”

“And did he?” Harry asked, resting his chin on his hands.

“No. He’s still with her. And I’m still in love with him.” Glen sighed and pursed her perfectly painted red lips. “And it still really sucks.”

Harry let out a loud breath and shook his head. “Shit.”

Glen hummed and nodded. “Shit is right. You see, clients come to me looking to feel something again. But me? I do it to not feel. They come to me with holes left by previous heartbreaks and I help them because I’m trying to forget my own heartbreak.”

Harry nibbled on his lip and nodded slowly, rubbing the stubble on his chin. “Everyone has wounds from previous heartbreaks, I think.”

Glen offered a wise smile and tilted her head. “So, Harry, what wounds do you have?” She asked, her eyes boring into him like she could see the pain in his heart.

Harry breathed out a short laugh and sighed. “I fell in love with someone too. My best friend. Things were good for a while but I fucked it up.”

“How so?

“Well, we got in a fight and some shit kind of blew up. I didn’t speak to him for a little while. I wanted to give him time to process things and figure out what he wanted but I was too late anyways. He found some other guy. I was really jealous. I hate seeing them together. I have to just sit there and watch this other guy make him happy. It hurts and I was an idiot and got really drunk one night when we were all out together. Things escalated, I kissed somebody in front of him and we got into a fight. Bad. Like, screaming at each other and pushing each other in front of a club kind of bad.”

Glen made a face and swirled the wine in her glass. “So did you make up?”

Harry laughed bitterly and shook his head. “No. I was too ashamed of what I had said. I can’t even look at him after I said those things. I said some really fucked up shit and I can’t expect him to forgive me.”

“Well, Harry, I don’t think that’s the point. The point of apologizing to someone isn’t to get them to forgive you,” she pointed out. Harry knit his brows together in confusion. “Well, when you apologize, the point is that you do it because it doesn’t matter if they forgive you or apologize for whatever they did in return. You do it because you care about the other person and you want them to know that you regret what you did. He doesn’t have to forgive you for saying those things. But he does deserve to hear that you feel sorry for it.”

Harry sat back, shocked into silence.

“Oh, and you’re a fool if you let your pride get in the way of the truth. If you really want him that bad, then just be honest with him about how sorry you are and tell him how you truly feel. The rest is up to him,” Glen hummed with a smirk.

“Huh.” Harry furrowed his brows, staring down at his notebook as he digested her words.

Glen got to her feet and straightened out her jacket. “Don’t be an idiot, Harry.”

Harry’s mouth open and closed like a fish as he choked out a response. “Uh – Thank you.”

Glen smiled and nodded at his notebook. “Good luck, Harry. I hope you figure things out.” With that, she walked out of the café in a slow saunter like a prowling cat.

_Lives for the memory_ _/ A woman who's just in his head / And she sleeps in his bed / While he plays pretend_

Harry wandered home shortly after Glen left, meandering through the streets as he thought about what Glen had told him. She was right. He did need to tell Louis he was at least sorry. Louis had been his best friend and he deserved to know that Harry regretted his words. Harry knew it wouldn’t be enough for Louis to ever leave Aaron, but he figured that didn’t matter as much. He just needed Louis to know that Harry didn’t think those things he had said to him outside the bar.

His breath puffed in the cold London air and his fingers were numb from the cold. He didn’t mind, though. He would take being cold over the overwhelming heat of California any day. He couldn’t wait to eventually move back to London as soon as he didn’t need to be in LA anymore for music. He quickly made his way up the steps to the house and up to the bathroom to warm up in the shower.

There, under the hot spray of the shower, Harry decided he would return home to California to speak with Louis and finally apologize. He only hoped that Louis would even let him in the door to listen to what Harry had to say. He only wanted his best friend back, and he would just have to learn how to be okay with Aaron being in Louis’ life. He wanted happiness for Louis, and if he found that happiness with Aaron then Harry was just going to suck it up and support Louis. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this song was a tough one to figure out what to do with. I kinda thought Harry needed someone to slap him upside the head so I thought Glen would be the perfect character to do that. Let me know what you think!


	9. Sunflower

Harry kept his head down as he walked through the crowd of photographers that seemed to camp out at LAX, ignoring the screams and requests for him to just look their way. As he climbed into the car that was waiting for him, he sent a text to his mother to let her know he had landed safely. His knee bounced anxiously as he stared out the window while they drove through the city, colorful neon signs lighting up the early morning.

By the time the car dropped him off at his house, the sun had risen in the sky and was now hanging low in the sky as the sound of birds filled the air. He stepped out of the car and took a deep breath of the salty sea breeze, mind going to the memories made on the beach as it always did. Harry pursed his lips and pushed those thoughts out of his mind. He needed to focus on being a friend to Louis right now, not a jilted ex-lover. He ran into the house and took a quick shower before rummaging through his dresser to find something decent to wear. It took nearly an hour, but he settled on a pair of soft jeans, boots, with a t-shirt and a bomber jacket.

Harry glanced at the clock showing 10 in the morning. Perfect. Louis should be up by now, but probably not already occupied by anything else. He grabbed his keys and phone before hurrying to his car, fumbling with his keys nervously. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been this nervous. He was sure he had never been so anxious, even through his first performance in front of an arena, even on the day his album was released, and even when he had first told Louis how he felt.

His heart beat heavy in his chest, making him feel like he’d had six shots of espresso. He could feel an ache in his stomach that he couldn’t tell if it was hunger or fear. As he drove closer and closer to Louis’ apartment his mouth ran dry and he could hardly think straight, his mind racing with thoughts of Louis.

Finally, he was there. Harry took a deep breath and rested his forehead on his steering wheel, his knuckles going white from his grip on the leather. “Breathe. Breathe,” he reminded himself and closed his eyes as he inhaled deeply through his nose and exhaled slowly from his mouth as he had learned in counseling. Feeling only marginally better, he swung his car door open and hurried through the parking lot towards the side entrance. He had no idea how he was going to get upstairs. Surely Louis wouldn’t let him back into the building if Harry buzzed him.

Just in time, an older woman opened the door with her hands full of bags. Harry rushed over to her and held the door open, receiving a sweet thank you from the elderly woman. He was in luck. He gave her a smile and wished her a good day before slipping inside the building. He clicked the elevator button, rocking on his heels and bouncing on the balls of his feet nervously. He had never in his life had to do something like this and he just didn’t want to fuck it up. He glanced at his watch. Half-past ten. Harry frowned and pushed the button again. He waited another minute and huffed in frustration. Still nothing.

Harry rolled his eyes and ripped open the door to the stairwell, running up the stairs all the way up to Louis’ floor. His heart was pounding rapidly once he reached the right floor and his breath was ragged as he walked towards Louis’ door. He stopped in front of the door that he was too familiar with and pressed his shaking hands to his cheeks before extending a hand and knocking three times.

He waited.

Nothing.

Harry knocked again, louder this time.

Again, nothing.

“What the hell,” Harry groaned, looking around the hallway for any sign of anyone at all. The floor was completely empty, it seemed. He sighed and knocked one last time.

Still. Nothing.

Harry’s posture fell as he stepped away from the door. What an idiot. Of course Louis wasn’t home. Or maybe he was and just wasn’t answering the door because he knew it was Harry. He turned and buried his face in his hands as he headed towards the elevator.

Behind him, the door swung open. “Harry?”

His shoulders tensed. What the hell was he doing here? Harry slowly turned around, setting his jaw at the image of Aaron standing in the doorway without a shirt and a towel slung low on his hips. What. The. Hell.

“Hey, how are you? Man, I saw the video from your show over the weekend, you fucking crushed it. Loved the new songs,” Aaron beamed and held the door open. “You wanna come in? Louis should be out of the shower in a minute.”

Harry’s hands clenched into fists and he had to shove them in his pockets to keep from doing anything stupid. “Um. Sure,” he mumbled and followed Aaron inside, glancing around. The apartment looked almost exactly the same as when he was last here, pictures of him and Louis on the bookshelf, a stained rug under the small table and chairs in the corner, and best of all, there was no trace of Aaron’s things anywhere.

“Sorry, the place is kind of a mess. I tried to convince Louis to let me declutter, but he won’t let me get rid of anything,” Aaron hummed and poured two cups of coffee. Louis hated coffee. “You want me to pour you one?” He asked.

Harry could admit that Aaron was a really nice guy, but he didn’t seem to know Louis. If he knew Louis at all, even a little bit, he would know that Louis absolutely despised coffee. He much preferred tea. “Nah, I’m good.”

Aaron nodded and went to knock on the bathroom door. “Louis? I’ve got a cup of coffee out here for you!” He called and came back to Harry. “So what are you doing over here?”

“I needed to talk to Louis.” Harry shrugged, shifting nervously from one foot to the other. This was definitely not how he expected this to go.

Aaron bobbed his head and sipped his coffee, leaning against the table. This was awkward. After a few very uncomfortable minutes, Louis emerged from the bathroom as steam poured out around him.

Harry’s eyes shot to Louis’ figure and he bit lip, tugging on each of his fingers in an attempt to soothe himself. Louis looked beautiful as always, soft skin like honey and blue eyes bright. From where Harry was standing, he could see Louis’ eyelashes damp with drops of water hanging precariously from his lashes. Fuck, Harry had missed him.

_My eyes / Want you more than a melody / Let me inside, wish I could get to know you_

Louis stopped in his tracks, staring at Harry. “What are you doing here?” He asked, not sparing a glance towards Aaron.

“Hi. I really need to talk to you,” Harry murmured. His heart practically pounded right out of his chest as he watched Louis study his face carefully before nodding slowly.

“Okay. Aaron, would you give us some privacy?” Louis barely even looked over at Aaron, still staring right at Harry. Neither one of them looked away from the other as Aaron hurried to throw on his jeans and a t-shirt before slipping out the front door.

Louis crossed his arms and stared at Harry, a coldness in his eyes that didn’t use to be there. “What do you want?”

Harry took a deep, shaky breath and lifted his eyes to Louis’. “I want to apologize,” he murmured. “I’m so sorry for the things I said to you and the way I’ve treated you the past few months. I’ve been a horrible friend to you and you deserved better. I shouldn’t have been such a dick.” He sighed, scrubbing his hands over his face.

“I should have communicated more with you. I was trying so hard to give you space, to make sure you knew that I would fully support you no matter what, and I realize now that it had looked like I just dropped you after our talk. I’m so sorry for not being there for you as your best friend. I’m sorry for the way things happened at the club, too. I should’ve told you sooner how much it killed me to see you with Aaron. Every time I saw his hands on you I felt like he was trying to steal something from me. I know now that you’re not mine. He wasn’t stealing you from me because I didn’t have you to begin with. I’m so sorry that I treated you as an object, like something I could own. I’m an absolute dick for it,” he laughed wetly and blinked back overwhelmed tears.

“I also wanted to apologize for all those things I said to you on the sidewalk. I was an arrogant asshole and at the time I think subconsciously I wanted to make you feel as bad as I had felt in that moment. I hope you’ll believe me when I tell you that I don’t think you’re a terrible person for seeing someone else. You have every right to explore your sexuality and I have no right to have a role in that. I know I’ve said it already, but I’m really sorry you were outed. I never wanted that for you. I truly only want the best for you and I know I haven’t been showing that lately.”

Harry took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his curls. “You’re a wonderful person Louis, I wish I had been better at showing you that. I hope someday you’ll find a way to forgive me and maybe we can try being friends again. I don’t expect an answer today, I just knew that you needed to hear from me how horrible I feel and how much I regret what I did to you.”

Louis’ brows stayed knit together as his eyes darted across Harry’s face, taking in his features. “You said some really terrible shit to me.”

Harry grimaced and nodded, looking down at his beat-up leather boots. “I know.”

Louis turned from Harry, his back to the other boy as he walked towards the window in his living room, leaving Harry awkwardly standing by the door as he waited for Louis to say something. Anything.

“I don’t have an answer for you yet. There’s been so much that’s gone on, I can’t just forget all the things that happened between us. We’re not what we used to be. You fucking killed me when you just up and abandoned me while I was trying to figure my shit out. Seeing you kiss someone else, right in front of me felt like a kick in the face. Do you even know how horrible that made me feel?” Louis frowned, pacing from the living room to the door where Harry was standing.

“Honestly, yes I do. I felt that way every time I saw you and Aaron together.” Harry pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and rocked back on his feet.

Louis stared at Harry for a second before resuming his pacing. “Is this just some kind of ploy to get me back? Are you just coming here to tell me pretty words that you think I want to hear just so I come running back to you? Because I’m not going to do that, Harry. You hurt me. Just because you say you’re sorry doesn’t mean I’m just going to drop Aaron and kick him to the curb.”

Harry nodded and smiled sadly. “I know, Louis. I wasn’t expecting that from you at all. I’m not here to make myself feel better or try to win you back. I was wrong to treat you the way that I did and I needed you to know that. When I was in London I met a woman. She was so wise and kind and she reminded me that I wasn’t the only one hurt in this situation. I had never once asked you how you felt, I was too busy feeling sorry for myself and feeling wronged. I want you to be happy. If Aaron makes you happy, then I’ll support you. I’m gonna move past this, Lou. If being with Aaron is what will bring you joy, then as your former best friend I support you and I will be there for you. I’ll even meet with him and hang out with him to welcome him to our friend group.”

Louis shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose. “That’s not necessary, Harry,” he sighed and looked out the window. “I don’t know what to say yet. I need time to think about all of this.”

“I know you do. I just needed to tell you I’m so incredibly sorry. I didn’t act like someone that was in love with you, I acted selfishly and I’ll take full ownership of my actions,” Harry murmured. “I still love you, but I understand that I need to remember how to be your best friend.”

Louis let out a soft sigh and gestured to the door. “Harry, can you please go? I just. This is a lot. I need time.”

Harry offered Louis a sad smile and nodded. “Of course. I’ll be here when you’re ready. I’ll be better this time.” He bit his lip and took the final steps towards the door. “Please text me,” he murmured before stepping out of Louis’ apartment and back into the hallway.

Hearing the door click shut, Louis finally allowed himself to fall to his knees in the middle of his living room, sobs wracking through his body as tears poured down his cheeks. He was at such a loss at what to do. Harry had ripped his heart out when he stopped talking to Louis when he was needed most. Louis had been so fucking scared to fall for Harry and he had just needed Harry to hang in there and stick by his side as he came to terms with who he was and what he truly wanted. When Harry had left, it felt like he’d taken part of Louis’ heart with him and left Louis to try to tape the shattered pieces of his heart back together.

Then here he was, showing up at Louis’ door saying all of the things Louis wanted to hear. But things were different now, Louis had a boyfriend. One that was so good to him and so normal. But so not Harry. His stomach twisted as anxiety and fear rolled over him. He couldn’t make the wrong decision and he felt as though he was on the precipice of something great. One wrong step and everything could come falling down around him.

Louis shivered as the salty tears spilled down his pink cheeks and got to his feet, vision blurry as he ripped off his clothes and climbed back into the shower, despite having been there right before Harry showed up. He cranked the hot water as hot as it would go and sat down on the floor of the shower, legs pulled up to his chest as he wept into his hands. He wished him mum was here to give him advice.

_And I don’t wanna make you feel bad / But I’ve been trying hard not to talk to you / My Sunflower_

It had been nearly two weeks since Harry had shown up at Louis’ door, laying it all out on the line. Harry hadn’t heard much from Louis but he would see him tonight at their lads’ night at Niall’s home. Saying Harry was nervous would be a huge understatement. He hadn’t seen Louis in twelve days and had only received one or two texts from him in that time. He hadn’t a clue what conclusion Louis had come to, if he had forgiven Harry or not. He hoped that Louis could forgive him, but he also knew that he needed Louis to apologize as well. Harry wasn’t the only person at fault in this entire situation and he had to stand his ground on that.

As Harry got ready for the night, he sang part of a tune he’d been working on over the past few days. He thought of tall flowers standing in rows amongst a field of bright yellow flowers that swayed in the wind. He smiled as he plucked a mustard yellow sweater from his drawers and pulled it on with a pair of light jeans.

_Sunflower, sunflower_

Harry walked through Niall’s front door, smelling pizza from somewhere, he assumes the living room. “Guys, I’m here!” He called out and shrugged off his lightweight jacket, hanging it up on one of the hooks in the entry.

“Harold!” A slurred drunken voice comes from the living room. “Come on in, mate!”

Harry chuckled and shook his head, rounding the corner and smiling. “Jesus, Ni. Did you pregame or something?” He teased and reached down to ruffle Niall’s hair and mess it up.

“Eh. Only a bit,” Niall hummed and raked his fingers through his messy hair to fix it.

Harry glanced over at Louis and gave a soft smile. “Hey, Louis.”

Louis gave him a tight-lipped smile and lifted his beer to his lips. “Hi.”

“Where’s Aaron?” Harry asked, plopping down next to Liam and grabbing a slice of pizza.

Louis shrugged, taking a swig of his drink and wiping his mouth. “Couldn’t make it. He has some art gallery project thing or something,” he hummed, eyes skating of Harry. “Jesus, Harold. You trying to be seen from space?”

Harry cracked a grin, whatever had been tight in his chest loosened up. Louis was teasing him again, like old times. “No, Louis. It’s called fashion. You should try it sometime,” he laughed with dimples cratering into his cheeks. It had been a long time since they had joked around like this.

Louis laughed softly and shook his head, a small shy smile gracing his lips as he studied Harry’s face. Harry looked right back, watching Louis’ lashes flutter and his pink lips purse slightly as he tried to hide his smile. 

“So what’re we up to tonight?” Liam asked, slinging his arm around Harry’s shoulders as he craned his neck to look over at Niall. “Games or movie?”

“Niall’s already too drunk and dumb to play a damn thing, let’s just watch a movie or something,” Louis cackled, throwing a bottle cap at Niall.

“Heeeeyyyyy, I’m not dumb,” the Irishman pouted and tossed the bottle cap back at Louis. “I’m happy.”

“Oh, yeah?” Harry hummed, holding two ringed fingers up. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

"Fuck off." Niall rolled his eyes and kicked Harry’s shin. "I bought a ring.”

All three boys’ eyes widened comically as they all turned to look at Niall.

“Niall, what the fucking fuck? Why on earth are you only telling us now?” Louis demanded, getting up and sitting next to Niall.

Niall shrugged and smiled loosely. “I wanted to do it on my own. I’m gonna ask Mel to marry me,” he sighed happily.

All three men were silent for a moment before they all broke out into cheers and jumped on top of Niall, hugging him tightly.

“Congrats, Ni. I’m so fucking happy for you,” Harry murmured and gave him a wide smile. “I can’t wait to be Mel’s Man of Honor,” he joked and smacked a kiss on Niall’s cheek.

Niall snorted and wiped his cheek. “Fucker, you’re not gonna be her Man of Honor. I already called dibs on you. All three of you, actually. When she says yes, you three are gonna be standing next to me. I’m not asking you lot, I’m telling you.”

Louis grinned and nodded eagerly. “Fucking of course, Niall. Of course we will be. You’d be lost without us!”

Harry looked over at Liam and saw tears shimmering in his eyes with pride and pure joy. Liam had always been a softy, a big muscled softy.

“Well, I guess this means we’re watching Father of the Bride,” Harry decided and got up to put the movie in. “Gotta love some ridiculous 90s wedding drama. I’ll make the popcorn.”

While Harry was in the kitchen, he could still hear the boys chatting with Niall about the ring and how he was planning on proposing. Harry truly couldn’t be happier for Niall. Mel was perfect for him and they made each other better together. His only hope was that eventually he could be as happy as they were.

He returned to the living room four minutes later with a big bowl of buttered popcorn. Liam had moved over and stolen Harry’s spot next to Niall, leaving the only remaining spot next to Louis on the loveseat. “May I?” He asked, nodding at the cushion next to Louis.

Louis nodded and moved his legs out of the way. “Sure.”

Harry sat down and set the bowl on the table before pushing play on the movie. His thigh was pressed against Louis’ and their elbows brushed as they both got comfortable. He tried not to let it be known that it felt like there was electricity charging between them where their bodies touched, but he didn’t know if he was doing a very good job at it.

An hour into the movie, the sun was down and the room was dark. Louis’ eyes looked heavy as he blinked sleepily. Harry swallowed thickly and hesitantly reached his arm up to rest it along the back of the couch behind Louis’ head. He watched Louis out of the corner of his eye as he slowly leaned his head back to touch Harry’s arm.

Neither of them spoke as Harry let his arm slide down the back of the couch to rest over Louis’ shoulders. It was familiar, but it reminded Harry of the first time. Louis’ body weight shifted on the couch as he pretended to stretch, his torso settling closer to Harry and his thigh pressed firmly against Harry’s.

_Sunflower, sunflower_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a few more songs left!


	10. Canyon Moon

Louis’ birthday was in one day and Harry had absolutely no fucking clue what to do. Things between him and Louis had been much better this past week and a half, but they still weren’t back where they were a year ago. For the past eight years, they had spent the 24th of December together at Louis’ home, celebrating his birthday with the Tomlinson family. Harry knew he wouldn’t be invited along this year but he just felt like he couldn’t not do something for Louis’ birthday. It was tradition.

Harry sat on the porch swing overlooking the ocean, pencil between his teeth as he rocked back and forth trying to come up with something he could do. Louis hadn’t mentioned Aaron at all since that night at Niall’s so Harry had no idea if Aaron was planning anything for Louis’ birthday and he really didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes or get in the way of Aaron’s plans. He figured he would get Louis a gift and drop by his apartment to give it to him before he was on his way home.

He spent the day running errands, driving around town and searching for the perfect gift to give Louis. Louis was such a difficult person to shop for, he always had been too. Harry struggled every year to find something that he felt was good enough for Louis and he was a bit of a perfectionist so the gift had to have meaning and it needed to be absolutely perfect.

When he found it, he grinned widely and bought it in an instant. He knew Louis would like it, though he was a bit worried to see how Aaron would react to the gift. He pushed those thoughts aside and drove home to work on a few more songs before his flight left that evening for London. It had only been a few weeks since he had last been there, but he couldn’t wait to be back in London with his family.

_I’m going, oh, I’m going / I’m going, oh, I’m going / I’m going, oh, I’m going home_

Harry stepped through the front door of his flat, brushing snow off his wool coat and shivering from the chill of the London air. His teeth chattered so he rubbed his hands together and breathed warm air over his numb fingers. He really should have made sure somebody came here and turned the heat on for his arrival. He kicked his boots off, cringing at the freezing cold wood floors as he hurried over to the thermostat and cranked the heat up. He wandered towards the living room and turned on the fireplace. He crouched in front of it as the flames emerged from the fake wood behind the glass and held his hands up as heat slowly radiated from the fireplace.

It was only three in the afternoon, but Harry was exhausted and thoroughly chilled through the bone. A nap sounded wonderful right about now. Harry hauled his suitcase up to his bedroom and tossed it on the floor before hurrying back downstairs to the roaring fire that was heating up his living room. His eyes drooped sleepily as he made a pile of blankets on the floor and burrowed into the soft material around him as the fire crackled next to him, lulling him to sleep for what he hoped would be a quick nap.

Harry used to spend Christmas Eve with Louis’ family but this year he had planned on taking the day to adjust to being back in London and the next day he would visit his family at his mother’s house. It felt odd to not be with Louis this year like the day wasn’t quite right without being surrounded by the Tomlinson girls all fighting for attention from their older brother and his best friend. It was so quiet without the thumping of feet, both big and small, and without the laughter of family.

When Harry woke from his nap to the sound of pounding on his front door. He looked out the window, the sky was dark but the flat was finally warm. “What the hell,” he mumbled and got to his feet, stumbling over to the front door.

Harry unlocked the bolt and swung his door open. There on his doorstep was a shivering, angry-looking Louis with eyes rimmed red and brows furrowed. “Louis?” He squinted and rubbed his eyes sleepily. “What are you doing here?”

Louis huffed in annoyance and pushed Harry into the apartment, brushing past him instantly. He mumbled to himself and huffed again.

“Uh, Lou? Seriously, what’s going on?” Harry asked, at a loss as to what exactly was happening, why Louis was here, and why he seemed so damn upset.

Louis turned on his heel to look at Harry, pointing an accusing finger at him. “You. You weren’t there.”

Harry stared at Louis with knitted brows, mouth opening and closing with absolutely no answer.

Louis raked his fingers through his hair, hands shaking as he paced back and forth. “You weren’t fucking there. It’s my birthday and you weren’t there.”

“I’m really sorry, Louis. I wasn’t exactly invited,” Harry mumbled and watched Louis pace in the entrance of his flat.

“Harry, you weren’t there. You weren’t there and I wanted you to be there. I missed you. I missed you with your stupid curly hair, your stupid dimples, and your stupid, stupid big heart,” Louis huffed, his body shaking with excess energy. “Fuck, I’ve missed you for months. I wanted you there for everything. I tried so fucking hard to just not think about you but you just wedged yourself into my life and it’s not the fucking same without you.”

Harry listened to Louis’ ramblings, a strange feeling stirring in his gut.

“I tried so damn hard to just move on. To forget you and just live my life but it wasn’t right. Nothing was right. You hurt me so bad and then I just freaked out and couldn’t handle it. I said all that shit to you to try to convince myself that I didn’t feel anything for you. I spent months, Harry, _m_ _onths_ trying to get you out of my damn head. But I can’t. You just. You’re stuck.”

“Louis, what are you trying to say?” Harry interrupted, wringing his hands and twisting the rings on his fingers.

Louis spun around on his heel to face Harry with a determined look on his face, stalking over to Harry and yanking him down for a forceful kiss. He threaded his fingers through Harry’s hair, pressing too hard against Harry’s mouth.

Harry’s eyebrows shot up and his eyes widened, too shocked to return the kiss.

Louis pulled back a few inches, his heart beating through his chest. “Christ. I’m saying I’m fucking sorry and I fucking love you,” he mumbled.

Fire shot through Harry’s veins as his brain finally, _finally_ kicked into gear. His breath caught in his throat as he lifted his hand to the back of Louis’ neck and pulled him back in, fitting their lips together as his eyes slipped shut and the beating of his heart filled his ears.

Louis leaned into Harry’s hold, lips moving feverishly against the taller man’s. His brain was finally quiet for the first time in nearly six months as he gripped Harry’s shoulders and nipped at his plump bottom lip. Fucking finally.

Harry’s body shook, emotions shooting through him as his nerves lit up. A hand skated down Louis’ back before grabbing a handful of his bum, shivering in delight. The boy in his arms hummed, one hand moving to hold Harry’s head by the back of the neck. His tongue darted out and pried Harry’s lips open, immediately sinking into the sensation of their tongues rolling together. Harry used his hold on Louis’ ass to hoist him up and immediately Louis’ legs were clamped tightly around his waist.

Louis’ breath hitched when his back hit the wall, Harry caging him in against the wall in the dining room with a firm grip on him. _Yes_. Yes, fucking finally. He slid his hands down Harry’s chest, reaching for the hem of his sweater. He yanked the sweater up his torso, only getting caught once as he ripped it over Harry’s head, annoyance flashing through him at having to break apart.

Harry’s eyes were wide with lust, bare chest heaving against Louis’ as they stared at one another. “Bedroom,” Louis murmured, tightening his legs around Harry. The man nodded furiously and lunged back in for another kiss, carrying Louis towards his bedroom with one hand out to make sure they didn’t bump into anything.

Louis’ eyes slipped shut again, groaning against Harry’s lips as his cock hardened in his jeans. He heard the opening of a door and then Harry was kicking it shut behind them as he carried Louis to his bed. He lowered them both over the bed, crawling on top of Louis without hardly separating their lips.

Louis dug his nails into Harry’s chest before pushing him back to tug his own hoodie up and over his head, throwing it off to the side. He pulled Harry back down with the hand on the nape of his neck and rolled his hips up to rub himself against Harry’s crotch.

Harry broke away, trailing his lips over Louis’ jaw and down to his neck. He licked a fat stripe against Louis’ jugular and nipped at the sensitive skin there, pulling a whine out of the boy beneath him. Louis’ nails dragged down Harry’s back, most likely leaving marks down the expanse of his strong, pale back. His hips bucked up against Harry’s and a groan fell from his mouth as he tilted his head back.

“Fuck, Harry. I want you,” Louis managed to get out, biting his lip harshly as he humped up against Harry’s clothed cock.

Harry nodded eagerly, eyes hooded as he pulled back and tore his jeans down his thighs, grunting as they got stuck around his ankles. He looked up at Louis sprawled out on his bed, looking like a sinful angel splayed out just for him. His chest heaved, muscles quivering in excitement as he kissed down Louis’ chest, licking a stripe from his sternum to his belly button with his breath puffing against the cool trail of saliva on his tummy.

“Harry, please,” Louis whined, bucking his hips as he worked at his button. Harry pushed the smaller hands away and unzipped him before pulling them down his toned, beautifully soft legs. He needed to get inside Louis as soon as possible or he may just cum right here and now.

Harry reached into the bedside table and pulled out lube and a condom, dropping them on the bed next to Louis before leaning down to mouth at his cock. He forgot how wonderful Louis tasted, like salted caramel and something deeper. He snapped open the lube and spread some on his fingers before immediately probing at Louis’ entrance. He slipped a finger in, kissing up Louis’ body wetly.

Louis bit his lip at the finger inside him, his entire body feeling so charged with electricity he almost couldn’t help it. He slipped his fingers through Harry’s hair and pulled him up for a kiss, licking into his mouth almost immediately.

It didn’t take Harry long to open Louis up and within minutes he was rolling a condom on and lining himself up. As he slowly pushed inside, Louis’ mouth fell open and a gasp escaped his lips. He felt so wonderfully full. He hardly needed any time to adjust, just too eager to feel good and feel Harry inside him after so long.

Louis rolled his hips up, instigating Harry to _fucking_ move. With a groan, Harry pulled out before thrusting back in, sweat dripping down his hairline.

Harry missed this so much. He missed feeling Louis underneath him, falling apart as the smallest touch and so eager for Harry. He quickly found a fast rhythm, pumping his hips as he pistoned into Louis relentlessly.

High-pitched whines and moans fell from the boy beneath him as he angled upwards to find that spot that made him go wild. Harry kept that angle as he fucked into Louis, his back stinging as Louis’ nails dug into him.

Their bodies moved together easily, a mix of sweat, skin, lips, and hands everywhere as they moved amongst the expensive sheets on Harry’s bed.

Harry let out a groan as Louis’ body clenched around him, tightening like a vice around his cock. “Fuck, baby,” he breathed and latched onto Louis’ collarbone, licking and sucking at his skin wildly. He sucked another mark in the middle of his chest before latching his lips around Louis’ pert little pink nipple.

Louis keened and arched his back, mouth open as he panted and barrelled towards his orgasm. “H! ‘M gonna cum,” he mewled, toes curling behind Harry’s back.

Harry hummed, switching to the other nipple as he thrust in and out against that spot deep inside Louis, gripping his waist and leaving marks on his curvy hips that he just wanted to lick and bite. “Cum, baby. Cum for me,” he muttered, licking over the nipple in his mouth and thrusting harder against the gland inside the boy.

Louis lost it, orgasm blowing through him like no other orgasm he’d ever experienced before, his back lifting off the bed. Cum shot onto his chest, coating him white as he cried out in ecstasy.

Harry watched Louis cum in awe, hips stuttering into Louis as he chased his own orgasm. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he panted, holding Louis’ hips down as he fucked hard into him. Within seconds he was cumming with a guttural groan, his strong chest heaving as his head dropped back.

Louis’ legs fell from around Harry’s hips, his thighs quivering from the sensation. Harry fell on top of him, moaning softly as he came into the condom. Louis laughed breathlessly, brushing his fingers through Harry’s curls gently.

After a few minutes recovering, Harry eased out of Louis and collapsed on the bed next to him, pulling off the condom and tossing it in the trash. They lay next to one another, chests heaving and bodies glinting with sweat.

Harry looked over at Louis, admiring his blissed-out state of pink cheeks, puffy lips, and pretty lashes fanning across his cheeks. “Lou?”

Louis’ eyes fluttered open to look at Harry. “Yeah?” He breathed.

“Aaron,” Harry trailed off, guilt hitting him in the gut for not asking about him sooner. If he just caused Louis to cheat on his boyfriend he would never forgive himself.

Louis shook his head. “We broke up two weeks ago,” he admitted. “After the movie night.”

Harry stared at Louis, rolling onto his side and propping his head up on his hand. “You did?”

“Yeah. I did.” Louis nodded, using one of the socks on the bed to wipe himself off. “I didn’t love him. He was a nice enough guy but I realized I was just using him as a distraction, it would never be more than that.”

Harry nodded slowly, dragging his gaze across Louis’ face. “What you said earlier…”

Louis reached out, resting his hand on Harry’s cheek and brushing his thumb across his skin. “I meant it. I love you,” he whispered.

A grin spread across Harry’s face and his dimples appeared. “Say it again.”

Louis giggled and leaned in, pressing his lips against Harry’s. “I love you.”

Harry wrapped his arms around Louis in a hug and rolled over with Louis on top of him. “Fuck, I love you so much, Lou.”

Louis hummed, closing his eyes and exhaling a pleased sigh. He couldn’t quite wrap his brain around the very sudden change of events, he just knew he was happy and he felt like he could breathe for the first time in a long time. He leaned up for another soft kiss.

“Kissing you feels like coming home,” Harry murmured and trailed his fingers over Louis’ bare back.

Louis smiled and nodded, resting his chin on Harry’s chest as he looked up at him.

“I have a birthday present, you know.” Harry gently rolled Louis off of him and dug through his suitcase for the little wrapped up box. He grabbed it and flopped back down on the bed, handing it over. “Happy birthday, Louis.”

Louis grinned and accepted the box, leaning against Harry’s chest as he opened the present. He ripped off the wrapping paper and tossed it on the ground. He opened the box and held up the necklace inside. “It’s a sun?”

Harry nodded, wrapping his arm around Louis. “Yeah. It’s a reminder. For you to remember who you are. This sun represents how bright and beautiful you are. It shines bright all the time, even on cloudy or rainy days it still shines when you can’t see it. You are the sun, Louis.”

Tears pricked at Louis’ eyes as he tried to blink them away. “Harry,” he murmured, running his thumb over the golden sun pendant on the delicate gold chain. “It’s beautiful.”

Harry kissed the top of Louis’ head and held his hand out. “May I?” He asked and offered a smile when Louis handed it over and shifted to give Harry room. He draped it over Louis’ neck and clasped it behind his neck, kissing his skin softly.

Louis pushed Harry back down into the mattress and cuddled up to him, sighing as he closed his eyes. “Thank you,” he whispered.

_You gotta see it to believe it / Sky never looked so blue._

Harry let out a groan as he woke, stretching his legs and arms to relieve himself from the ache in his muscles.

“Stop moving,” Louis mumbled, lips pressed against Harry’s chest.

Harry looked down at the soft boy in his arms and smiled lazily. He’d been waiting so long for this and it felt perfect. “Baby, it’s already nine. I have to be at my mum’s soon,” he murmured. “I should take a shower.”

Louis whined and rolled onto his back, draping his arm over his eyes. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“Why don’t you come with me then?” Harry asked, easing himself into a sitting position. “My mom would love to see you again. She’ll be happy to know that we’re not fighting anymore.”

Louis nodded and stretched his arms above his head, wrinkling his nose at the feeling of dried cum on his skin. “I need a shower.”

Harry held out his hand and got to his feet. “C’mon, you can shower with me.” Louis let Harry lift him to his feet and followed Harry to the bathroom.

The two sat at the dining room table, Harry in jeans and a Christmas sweater and Louis in a pair of chinos with a navy button-up that complimented his eyes. Louis sipped his tea, humming happily before taking a bite of the eggs Harry made them.

“Harry, I want to apologize for what I said at the club a few months ago. I know I didn’t really get to that part last night. I never believed those things about you and I never believed you were the biggest mistake of my life,” Louis admitted, tracing his finger over the lip of his mug.

“I know. I felt the same way. I get it Lou, it was the heat of the moment.” Harry nodded, watching Louis closely. “I forgive you.”

Louis offered a soft smile and ducked his head. “So what are we now?” He asked.

“Well,” Harry cleared his voice. “I um. I would really love if you’d be my boyfriend. I wanna be able to tell my family that we’re together. We won’t go public yet.”

“I’d really like that,” Louis murmured and got up, making his way around the table to Harry. He brushed his fingers through Harry’s hair and leaned down to press a kiss to his soft lips. “I’d love to be your boyfriend.” Warmth spread through him, sending tingles to his toes and flutters in his stomach.

Harry smiled over at Louis and grabbed his coat before stuffing his keys and his phone in his pocket, humming the melody to his latest song. As he drove through the neighborhood, he smiled at the snow that fell in soft flurries in the streets. He wasn’t the biggest fan of winter in general, but Christmas was his favorite season with white snow, Christmas trees, and lights strung about the city.

When they pulled up to Anne’s home and parked among the other cars on the road, he squeezed Louis’ hand and smiled. “You ready?” He asked and lifted Louis’ hand to press a kiss to his knuckles.

Louis took a deep breath and nodded. “I guess so. Let’s go tell everyone.” He offered a nervous smile.

Harry led Louis through the front door, calling out to his mother.

“Harry dear, I’m so glad you’re here! I was just about to start the – oh!” Anne’s brows shot up as she rounded the corner. “Louis, it’s so good to see you!” She beamed and walked over, pulling the boy into a tight hug.

“Mum, Louis and I are dating,” Harry hummed, watching as his mother grinned cheerfully.

“Oh, thank God,” Anne laughed and kissed Louis’ cheek. “I was getting worried about you two.”

Louis blushed and returned the hug. “I’m lucky he’s persistent and never gives up.”

Anne smiled and nodded. “That you are. Now come in, Everyone is in the living room. Harry, could you be a dear and help me with the ham?”

Harry watched Louis give him a little wave before he went into the living room, sighing happily as he walked over to his mom’s side to give her some assistance.

“So, you figured things out then?” Anne hummed, hugging Harry gently.

“We did. I think we’re going to be okay now.”

Harry watched from his place across the room, fondness blooming in his chest. Louis was sitting next to Gemma, animatedly telling a story that Harry was sure was about Harry being a dork and Louis fondly teasing him. He sighed, heart content. He wanted to remember this moment forever, the image of Louis’ eyes crinkled in the corners, his head tilting back as he laughed, and the fondness in his eyes as he looked back at Harry. His boy, his life, his love.


	11. Treat People With Kindness

The day after Christmas, Louis and Harry climbed in the car with warm mugs of cocoa and holiday music echoing through the car as they drove the busy streets to Louis’ stepdad’s house. Louis had wanted to drop by to see his sisters and update them on the situation between himself and Harry.

As they pulled up to the house and parked in the snowy driveway, Harry could already hear the screeching of little voices and laughter coming from in the house. Harry grinned over at Louis, draping his arm over his shoulders as they walked up to the front door. They didn’t even need to knock before the front door was thrown open by Phoebe. Squeals echoed around the house as the gaggle of girls ran to greet Harry, jumping into his arms.

“Girls!” Harry laughed happily, nearly knocked over as Daisy, Phoebe, and Doris leaned into his arms. “Oh, I missed all of you. Where’s little Ernie and Lots?”

Doris giggled up at Harry from where he was hugging his knees and tugged on his jacket to get his attention. “Ernie and Lot inside!” She babbled, making grabby hands up at him.

Harry smiled, bending down and hoisting the young girl onto his hip and pecking a kiss to her chubby cheek. “Well then, inside we must go,” he hummed and led the charge back into the house.

Louis followed closely behind, smiling ever so fondly at his man as the group wandered into the old brick house to locate the other two. Lottie came around the corner with Ernest in her arms, grinning when she saw Harry. “Harry, you missed Louis’ birthday by a few days,” Lottie joked and came over to pull him into a hug.

“Lots, it’s good to see you. Missed you all.” Harry leaned down to Ernie’s level and kissed the top of his head. “So what have I missed in the crazy lives of you girls?”

Harry and Louis sat in the living room, surrounded by Louis’ siblings all trying to talk over one another to talk about their latest boyfriends, new jobs, or sleepovers they’d had lately. Harry slipped his fingers between Louis’ and offered a smile to Louis’ stepdad as he joined the group. When Lottie asked Harry what was new, Harry looked over at Louis and smiled.

“I’ve started seeing someone,” Harry said slowly and grinned at the blush spreading across Louis’ cheeks.

“Who?” Daisy asked, looking between Harry and Louis with suspicion in her bright blue eyes.

“Your brother.” Harry looped his arm around Louis and kissed his temple as the sisters began chattering excitedly.

After a late lunch, the family bundled up in warm clothes and made the short hike to the hill near their house for an afternoon of sledding and cocoa in the flurries of snow that speckled the ground. Harry loved the pink flush that spread across Louis’ cheeks and found his nose, his eyes shining in the winter sun.

Harry sipped from his warm thermos of cocoa, hunching his shoulders in the chill and squinting against the bright snow as he watched fondly while the children piled onto their sleds and screamed as they raced down the slope. Louis stepped beside him and looked up at Harry. “Hey,” the shorter boy hummed.

Harry smiled and wrapped his arms around Louis from behind, hooking his chin over his shoulder as they watched the kids. “Hey there, good lookin’.” Harry pressed a gentle kiss to his neck and sighed happily. He couldn’t wait to have this himself with Louis. He looked forward to watching their kids run through the snow and laugh as they played in the cool winter air. He wouldn’t voice it yet, but he wanted nothing more than to live the rest of his life with Louis. “I love you.”

Louis craned his neck back and offered him a smile. “Love you too,” he murmured and rubbed Harry’s arms that wrapped around him. “Come on, I wanna sled and I’m dragging you with me.” He pulled Harry towards the edge of the hill and sat down on the front of the sled with Harry behind him, a leg on each side of Louis as he pulled him against his chest.

Harry used his hands to drag the sled to the slope, laughing gleefully as the sled began to pick up speed as they raced down the hill with snow flicking up around them. Louis’ laugh was light and airy, tinkling like bells. At the foot of the hill, their slid hit a snow mound and they flew into the bank of snow with giggles and lovesick smiles. Harry laughed from his spot beneath Louis, the smaller boy had landed on top of him and they lay chest to chest.

Louis giggled and leaned down to nuzzle their noses together, their breath visible between them as they laughed breathlessly. He smiled and pressed a kiss to Harry’s lips, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend.

“Hey, no PDA!” Phoebe shouted from the top of the hill, jokingly covering Doris and Ernie’s eyes.

Harry laughed and sat up with Louis still in his lap. “Come on, babe. Before scandalize the children.” He patted Louis’ thighs and pecked his cheek before Louis got to his feet and helped Harry up. They trekked back up the steep hill and Louis got onto the sled with Doris and Ernie while Harry stood next to Dan.

“I’m really glad you two found each other,” Dan spoke, watching his children as he sipped his thermos of tea. “Louis seemed off on his birthday but he seems like he’s better now.”

Harry nodded. “I’m glad things worked out. He makes me really happy.”

Dan pulled Harry into a quick hug before he pulled back again. “Jay would’ve loved to see you two together. She always had a feeling you two would figure things out eventually. Treat him well. He’s had a rough past few years. If you hurt him, it’s my job as the only father figure in his life to threaten you into fear.”

Harry chuckled and nodded. “I guess it is your job. I promise I won’t hurt him. I plan on spending the rest of my life showing him how amazing he is. He’s the sun.”

_I got a good feeling / I’m just takin’ it all in / Floatin’ up and dreamin’ / droppin’ into the deep end._

That night, Harry took Louis to stop by the Beachwood Café for a warm cup of coffee before they returned home. The neon light flickered, sending a cascade of yellow and blue across the sparkling snow as Harry held the door open for Louis and followed him inside. Harry looked around and spotted a familiar head of red hair. Harry smiled to himself as he led Louis up to the counter, catching Glen’s eye across the room.

The woman raised a brow and flicked her eyes to Louis. Harry nodded and wrapped his arm around Louis’ waist and Glen’s polite demure smile morphed into a deeper, authentic grin. She winked at Harry before turning her attention to the client in front of her as she sipped her water.

“How did you find this place?” Louis asked, oblivious to the interaction between Harry and the red-haired woman.

Harry hummed and laced his fingers with Louis’. “I wrote a lot here. Some very interesting patrons here and there aren’t many people who would know who I was,” he explained and smiled as the waitress handed over their cups. “Thank you, Diane. You have a wonderful holiday weekend.”

The plump woman nodded and gave Louis a wink. “Caught yourself a good one, dear. Hold onto him tight or I might steal him from you,” she joked and accepted the tip Harry handed her. “Happy holidays.”

Harry nodded and stepped back out into the snow with Louis. “That red-haired woman was the one I told you about. She talked with me and was a big reason I finally got my head out of my ass and apologized. She’s incredibly kind and wise but she’s also mysterious and guarded.”

“The woman with the curly hair with that crusty old guy?” Louis asked and Harry nodded. “She’s pretty.”

“She is,” Harry agreed and explained her story and the conversation they had shared a few weeks back while he and Louis found their way back to the car and into the warmth of heated seats and Christmas music.

When they arrived home, Louis hopped in the shower while Harry cleaned the kitchen. Harry hummed one of his newest songs as he cleaned the table and counters and wiped them down with cleaner. His head bobbed to the beat in his head, fingers tapping on the countertop while he tidied up the mess they had made from dinner the previous night. As he stood in front of the sink doing dishes, he heard a soft whistle. Harry glanced over his shoulder, expecting to see Louis ready for bed in his pajamas but what he got was an eyeful of Louis’ curvy body in red lace. His eyes widened as the pot in his hand dropped into the sudsy water in the sink, splashing soap and warm water all over himself.

Louis giggled from where he was leaning against the frame of the arch between the dining room and kitchen, his hip cocked and his legs crossed at an angle that made his curves downright sinful. He trailed his hand down his waist to his hips and blinked up at Harry. “Do you like?”

Harry’ mouth opened and closed, struggling to even find words. “F-uck. Lou,” he breathed, eyes darting over the boy’s body in red lacey panties with a red Christmas bow tied around his waist.

“Aren’t you gonna open your present?” Louis hummed, playing with one of the ends of the bow as he tilted his head at Harry.

Harry snapped out of his trance and shut the water off, wiping his hands off on his jeans as he scurried over to Louis. “Oh my god, Louis.” He stopped in front of the boy and swallowed thickly, reaching out a hand to rest it on Louis’ waist.

Louis grinned up at Harry and leaned up to press a kiss to Harry’s jaw. “Open me,” he whispered, and with that, hands were on him as Harry gripped Louis’ waist and hoisted him up into his arms without another word.

Harry gripped Louis’ cheeks through the soft red lace, his mind fuzzy and clouded with the need to get Louis in his bed as soon as possible. He carried Louis to his room and dropped him on the bed. “You look so fucking good,” he breathed, ducking down to lick into Louis’ mouth as the other boy wrapped his arms around Harry’s shoulders.

Louis preened at Harry’s words and slid his fingers through his curls. “Thanks, babe. But please get your shirt off, you’re getting dishwater on me,” he laughed and pulled Harry back gently. Harry nodded frantically and ripped the sweater up and over his head, tossing it off to the side before diving back in to kiss at Louis’ neck.

“Sorry, I didn’t get you anything. No time,” Harry mumbled against his skin, licking a stripe over a hickey he had left the day before.

Louis hummed, tilting his head back and biting his lip. “S okay. Can make it up to me by giving me the present in your pants,” he breathed, and even he could admit it was a lame line but he couldn’t bring himself to care that much when Harry’s tongue was doing _that_ to his neck.

Harry huffed out a breath, making the slick skin on Louis’ neck tingle. “Give you more than just that,” he mumbled and kissed his way down Louis’ naked chest, swirling his tongue over the perky pink nipples standing proudly on the boy’s chest.

With a mewl, Louis arched his back and reached down to rub Harry over his jeans. He moved his hand slowly and teasingly, feeling the length of Harry get harder in his jeans at the attention. Harry groaned and manhandled Louis onto his stomach, pulling a moan from him as he eyed Louis’ ass in the gorgeous red lace. “I could just eat you up,” he breathed, kissing Louis’ cheek and squeezing hard with his hand on the other cheek. “In fact, I think I will.”

Louis panted into the pillow beneath him, arching his back and rolling his hips down to grind against the mattress. He felt Harry pull aside the lace and press kisses to each cheek, but avoiding where Louis really wanted him. “Harry, come on,” he breathed, receiving a pinch on the cheek. “Please?” He tried and let out a shuttered whine when he finally felt Harry’s wet tongue slide over him.

Harry loved eating ass, he always had but when it was Louis under him, he _lived_ for it. He didn’t take long before he wiggled his tongue in, furrowing his brows and pulling back. “Did you already open yourself up?”

Louis blushed and nodded, biting his bottom lip pink and puffy. “Yeah. In the shower.”

Harry smirked and pressed a soft kiss to his hole, humming happily. He flattened his tongue and licked over Louis again, feeling him tremble beneath him. He loved how beautifully responsive Louis was. With a squeeze to his cheek, he wormed his tongue back in and rubbed it against Louis’ walls, spit spilling down the crease of his bum.

Louis’ mouth hung open at the sensation, feeling so wet as Harry’s slick tongue fucked into him. He could feel sweat prickling at his hairline and he clenched his fists into the sheets as he ground his hips down against the mattress for some friction.

Harry grunted, moving his hands to hold Louis’ hips still with a firm grip. He doubled his efforts, licking and kissing and fucking his tongue into the boy beneath him as his own cock hung heavily between his legs.

When he was happy with how wet and open Louis was, Harry pulled back and wiped his chin and mouth off before crawling up Louis’ body and rubbing his crotch against his naked bum. “Such a pretty present,” he breathed, kissing the back of Louis’ neck.

“H-Harry, I wanna ride you,” Louis whimpered at the feeling of Harry’s rough jeans rubbing against his soft, sensitive skin. He watched Harry climb off him and kick off his jeans, trailing a finger over his lace-covered cock that lay leaking against his tummy.

Harry bit his lip at the sight on the bed, laying down with his back against the pillows. “Come on then, baby.” His lips quirked up into a smirk as Louis rushed to straddle him, grinding his ass down against Harry with his hands braced against his chest. “You keeping the panties on or taking them off?”

“S your present, what do you want?” Louis asked, rolling his hips loosely while Harry decided.

“Keep them on. They’re fucking hot,” Harry murmured and grabbed at Louis’ hips. “So fucking hot.”

Louis hummed and nodded, pulling Harry’s boxers down enough to let him spring loose. Within seconds, he had Harry positioned at his entrance with his panties pushed to the side as he slowly slid down onto him, a moan getting pushed out of him.

Harry watched Louis with rapt attention, skating his fingers over the curve of his waist while the boy sunk down until he was fully seated with his ass pressed against Harry’s pelvis. He bit his lip when Louis began moving, reveling in the drag of Louis’ velvet walls around him, clamping down tightly.

Louis worked to build up a steady rhythm, bouncing on Harry’s cock with his hands gripping his shoulders to keep himself steady. His head fell back, whimpers falling easily from his parted pink lips. Little ‘uh’s getting pushed out every time he dropped down onto Harry’s dick.

With aching thighs, Louis worked faster, his dick bouncing with the momentum of his moving hips. He swiveled his hips, catching himself in the prostate with a loud moan as he squeezed his eyes shut tightly. “F-uck,” he whimpered, panting with a heaving chest as he made figure-eights with his hips to chase his orgasm.

Harry could see Louis was beginning to tire after a bit and held his hips still before planting his own feet on the bed and using the leverage to thrust up into the boy with vigor. Louis gripped the bed frame with one hand, mouth hanging open as Harry pounded up into him and used his other hand to rub himself.

It wasn’t long before Louis could feel heat building in his belly, a telltale sign of what was to come. “Harry, I’m close!” He moaned, his toes curling against the sweaty sheets beneath them.

Harry panted, brow set in determination as he fucked up into Louis. He could feel his own orgasm building quickly as he thrust into Louis’ soft heat and rubbed his thumbs over his hips from where he was gripping him. With a groan, he felt his orgasm wash over him, burying himself deep inside Louis. His head fell back, spurting into Louis.

Louis’ mouth hung open as Harry filled him for the first time, the sensation pushing him over the edge with a high-pitched gasp as he squirted up onto his belly and chest, making a mess over them both. As the waves of pleasure rolled over him, he collapsed against Harry with his cheek over his heart.

Harry rubbed his hand against Louis’ back as he rode out the feeling, reveling in the skin that always seemed so soft and smooth. He smiled lazily when Louis looked up at him and kissed the tip of his nose.

“Merry Christmas, Harry,” Louis purred and nuzzled their noses together.

_Givin’ second chances / I don’t need all the answers / Feelin’ good in my skin / I just keep on dancin’_

After four months, you’d think Harry would be a little more used to this. Louis’ soft lips were parted as light puffs of air fanned over Harry’s chest. His lashes fluttered when Harry’s hand skated up his back, a small mumbling noise falling from his lips.

Harry smiled softly down at Louis and kissed the top of his head as he slept. Every time he looked at Louis, a wash of absolute adoration came over him. He was the luckiest man in the world, to get the privilege to wake up next to Louis and share life with him.

As Louis wrinkled his nose and buried his face further in Harry’s neck. God, he was cute. Harry dragged his nails over Louis’ back, watching his lips twitch into a pleased smile. He glanced at the clock, noting that they only had an hour. “Lou, it’s time to get up.”

Louis whined and shook his head, pulling the blankets up over his head in denial.

“Babe, c’mon. We gotta go in an hour. You still need to shower, especially after last night.” Harry chuckled and carefully slipped out from under Louis. “If you get up now, we can share the shower.”

Louis folded the blankets back, squinting at Harry with sleepy eyes. “Fine. But you’re gonna carry me then.”

Harry rolled his eyes fondly and pulled the blankets back the rest of the way, lifting his sleepy boyfriend into his arms. “You’re such a drama queen,” he teased lightly and carried him into the bathroom, setting him down on the bathtub. He started the shower and turned it to just the right temperature for them both.

“Yeah, but you love my anyway,” Louis yawned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he watched Harry’s naked form.

Harry stuck his hand into the shower under the spray, satisfied with the temp. “Alright, come on,” he hummed and crooked his finger at Louis.

Louis stepped in first with Harry right behind him, sighing as the hot water poured down on them. “Mmmm, feels good.”

Harry grabbed Louis’ shampoo and squirted some into his hand, massaging it into Louis' scalp and smiling as he purred at the touch. He leaned down and kissed his shoulder before turning for Louis to return the favor of shampooing his hair. He loved lazy morning showers together, taking care of one another, and sharing sweet kisses under the hot spray of water.

Once clean, the two helped one another pick out outfits. Harry pulled on his jeans and a loose floral print blouse while Louis slipped into his chinos along with a nice t-shirt with a deep scoop neck to show off his collarbone tattoo. “Ready?” Harry asked, wrapping his arms around Louis from behind and hooking his chin over his shoulder.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Louis murmured, anxiety bubbling in his stomach.

“You’ll do great,” Harry assured and led Louis out to the car that was waiting for them downstairs that would take them to the studio.

When they pulled up, they were immediately ushered into the studio by security. Harry could feel the nerves coming off of Louis and reached out to grab his hand with a soft smile. Things went pretty quickly as the crew around the rushed to get things set up as well as a whole team there just to make sure Louis and Harry’s hair and makeup looked good.

“This is dumb, why do I even have to wear makeup?” Louis muttered, annoyance flashing in his eyes as the same girl freshened up the powder on his face for what felt like the tenth time.

“Your skin looks different in the camera under all the lights. The makeup kind of helps with that,” Harry explained, his hair being hairsprayed yet again.

“Alright, people we have three minutes!” One of the ladies in charge announced, clapping her hands to urge people to move impossibly faster.

The couple was ushered into a holding area, the same lady running them through how things would go along with a few last-minute reminders.

“Three, two, one!”

Louis could hear clapping from where they were standing, looking up at Harry nervously and receiving a soft squeeze of his hand in return. Someone gestured at them to go, and Harry led Louis out onto the stage.

Bright lights hit Louis, making him squint a little as Harry waved and grinned widely at the crowd. Louis pressed his lips together in a tight smile and gave a little wave as they walked over to the couch across from their host’s.

David Letterman smiled at them both, clapping his own hands as well as they took their seats. Cheers rang out from the audience as he shook both of their hands. They would be appearing on his new show premiering on Netflix in a couple of months to announce that Harry was working on his newest album as well as introduce Louis to the world.

“It is such an honor to get to meet you both,” David began. “Harry, you’ve really paved the way for breaking down a lot of gender stereotypes, and it’s an honor to get to have you on the show and discuss the album with you.”

Harry nodded, smiling over at their host. “Thank you, I’m so happy to be here. We both are,” he hummed, looking over at Louis.

“Yes, Louis. It is so nice to have you on the show as well,” David spoke, running his hand over his beard.

Louis offered a small smile. “Thanks. Good to be here.”

“Now, let me ask you something. Did you ever see this coming? Announcing our relationship with Harry Styles of all people to the world?” David asked, a playful smile pulling on his lips.

Louis laughed, his nerves easing up a bit. “No, I did not. Never.”

“Tell me what that’s like.”

Louis shrugged and looked over at Harry. “It’s fucking wild. Wait – Can I swear on your show?”

David laughed and nodded. “I sure fucking hope so.”

Louis grinned. “Well, it’s fucking wild,” he repeated. “Like, to me it’s just Harry. He’s a weirdo, but to the world, he’s the big hot shot celebrity. It’s weird to watch the world fawn all over him and be so interested in every detail of his life. Honestly, our relationship is quite boring now.”

“Boring, you say? Dating a famous musical artist is boring?”

“No, dating _Harry_ is boring,” Louis chuckled, though he was mostly joking. “We’re that domestic couple that likes to sleep all day and the most interesting thing we do is have movie nights with our friends.”

“I have a hard time believing that’s the most interesting thing,” David laughed.

Harry shook his head. “It is though. Until now we’ve been pretty closed off to the world. It’ll be nice to be able to bring Lou with me to award shows and cool events now. I can’t wait to show him off and tell everyone how cool and hot my boyfriend is.”

Louis smiled over at Harry and rolled his eyes fondly before giving his hand a soft squeeze.

“So, we know what Harry does for work, but Louis what do you do for work?”

“I work in a marketing firm as a recruiter.”

“And what made you wait to come out to the world?” David asked, though for the most part he already knew the answer.

Louis looked down his hands and nodded. “People aren’t always kind to others who are different. When Harry and I first started kind of seeing each other I wasn’t out yet and I ended up getting forced out of the closet because a photo was taken of us together. People ripped me to shreds at first. Everything about me was critiqued and ridiculed, from my hair to my clothes and my weight. Everyone had something to say.”

“We’re choosing now to announce this because we’re really serious about this. We know that marriage is down the line and we were tired of hiding for fear of what people would say or do when they found out about Louis. I’ve always been a very out and proud kind of person but Louis’ a bit more private usually. Honestly, we’re just hoping that this conversation can encourage others and remind them to treat people with kindness.” Harry added.

The conversation eventually turned to Harry’s new album and Louis got to mostly sit and enjoy hearing Harry talk about what his plans were for the album. He made sure to chime in every once in a while, but for the most part, he gave Harry the spotlight and supported him from the sidelines as he preferred. When they wrapped up filming, David gave them both side hugs and wished them well as the two were escorted back to their car.

Louis sighed as he made himself comfortable in the car to bring them back home and smiled up at Harry. “I love you,” he murmured and leaned his head on Harry’s shoulder.

“I love you too, babe.” Harry kissed the top of Louis’ head and nuzzled his nose into his hair with a happy hum.

“Beach sex?” Louis asked in a murmur, smirking up at Harry with mischief sparkling in his eyes.

Harry’s dimples cratered into his cheeks as he grinned down at Louis. “Hell yeah.”

_Maybe we can find a place to feel good_ _/ And we can treat people with kindness / Find a place to feel good_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter to go...


	12. Fine Line

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading this little fic of mine! I've really enjoyed writing this and reading all of your comments on all of these chapters. I'm sad to see this fic come to an end but I'm hoping you all enjoy!

The wood planks in the deck creaked under Harry’s feet and the cool air rustled the dry leaves still hanging onto the branches of the maple trees, filling the space around them with the music of autumn. Harry had always loved this time of year in London, the breeze was crisp and the trees around them burst with color. A soft smile crept across his face as he closed his eyes and rocked back and forth, his head tilted back as happiness swept over him.

Harry listened to the scampering of little feet, an eruption of giggles, and the squeals coming from a pile of leaves. His hand was squeezed, and weathered fingers played with the gold band on his finger. Harry tilted his head, eyes opening to look at the love of his life. He was just as beautiful as he was when they first met. When Louis smiled, the crinkles by his eyes deepened and his pale blue eyes came to life.

He heard Louis sigh happily next to him, his thumb running over the gold band as they rocked back and forth on the large deck in front of their house. From their perch on the deck, they watched their grandkids playing in the leaves that their son had recently raked into piles across the front garden. Harry’s gaze fell on their eldest son, thinking back to the day they had adopted him.

_Harry laughed as Louis bounced on his feet, a wide smile pulling on his lips at the anxious anticipation that was thrumming under Louis’ skin and making him a bundled ball of energy. He wrapped his arms around him as they stood in the lobby of the adoption agency, biting his own lip in muted nervousness. He couldn’t believe they were finally adopting. They’d been talking about growing their family ever since they got married and today was the day. Today they would go from two to three, from couple to family._

_He could feel the tension in Louis’ shoulders, like a piece of wire that’s been coiled so tightly that it might break. Harry nuzzled his nose against Louis’ neck and pressed a soft kiss in the crook between neck and shoulder. Little feet pattered against the linoleum, both men holding their breaths until a little boy waddled around the corner with an older woman holding his hand._

_Louis crumpled to the ground, tears pouring down his cheeks as the little boy with olive skin and dark hair looked up at the counselor in confusion. Harry crouched next to Louis and rubbed his back, staring in awe at the small toddler._

_The woman in the peach blazer led the little boy over to Harry and Louis and smiled. “Cyrus, this is Harry and Louis. They’re going to be bringing you home,” she hummed and knelt down to give him a hug._

_Harry smiled wetly, eyes shimmering with tears. “Hi, Cyrus. We’re so happy to meet you,” he breathed, heart pounding in his chest as the boy looked up at them with beautiful hazel eyes._

_Cyrus giggled and waved shyly, hiding his head in the counselor’s lap._

_Louis wiped at his tears and took a deep breath, his breath rattling in his chest. He was trying so hard to keep it together, but this was their son. He had always dreamed of having a big family and this was the start of it all. This sweet boy standing in front of him would depend on them for the rest of their lives, needing their love, devotion, and strength._

_The little boy hesitantly toddled over to Louis and reached out his pudgy little hand to pat Louis’ cheek. “It okay,” he babbled which only made Louis release more tears and Harry’s heart to squeeze in his chest._

_Louis laughed softly, wiping at his tears. “Thank you, little man,” he sniffled, resting his hand on top of Cyrus’ on his cheek._

_Harry and Louis had some paperwork that they needed to sign before they could go home with Cyrus, so they sat down by a little table for Cyrus to play at while they went over a few more things with the counselor. Harry could hardly concentrate, too busy watching the boy playing with blocks and feeling a sense of amazement and anxiety over being a parent from this day forward. With the paperwork complete, the counselor wished them well and set up a time for her to visit in the next few weeks._

_It took them almost five minutes to get Cyrus buckled into his car seat, struggling with the car seat itself as well as a wiggling toddler. Louis couldn’t help but laugh, already feeling fond of the boy’s silly antics. With the boy finally buckled in, the new fathers climbed into the front seat and set off for their home. Between them on the center console, their fingers tangled together as Harry rubbed his thumb over the gold band on Louis’ finger and flicked his eyes to the rearview mirror at the toddler playing with a stuffed bear in his seat. His heart was full to bursting, never having been as happy as he was in that moment._

Harry watched as Cyrus scooped up his daughter from the pile of leaves, kissing her cheek and laughing as he pulled a leaf out of her hair. A smile played at his own lips as he lifted Louis’ hand to his lips and pressed them to the back of the wrinkled hand that had held him up so many times and picked him up when he fell. His life with Louis hadn’t been easy, there were many ups and downs and obstacles that were thrown in their way. There were times when he had almost hated Louis.

When Louis lost his job and had struggled briefly with mental health, and it had put a serious strain on their relationship that at the time, they didn’t know if they could come back from. But Harry had stuck by Louis’ side through it all. He stayed when Louis didn’t want to be touched, he stayed when Louis didn’t get off the couch for three months, and he stayed when Louis would get so angry that he’d cuss at the top of his lungs and throw things.

He was broken from his thoughts as their daughter Olivia approached their rocking chairs. “Dads, we’re thinking of going for a walk, wanna come?”

Harry nodded and grunted as his bones ached, slowly rising from his chair and turning to help Louis do the same. Louis winced, holding his back and shuffling to his feet. “Yeah, we’ll tag along. Gonna have to go slow for us old folks,” Louis joked, reaching for his cane. When he’d first gotten it, Harry teased him relentlessly, calling him Gandalf, but Louis had really needed it after his knee had given out.

Louis reached for Harry with his free hand, twining their fingers together. With their clan of twenty, they made their way down the long driveway. Harry and Louis had adopted four children and as it turns out, wanting large families ran in the family. With all of their children combined, they had sixteen grandkids. Their youngest grandkids had linked hands and were running down the pebble drive, their giggles echoing off the trees.

Harry was so glad their family was so strong. His own extended family when he was young had been messy, with aunts who had fought with their husbands constantly and cousins who hated one another. After he’d made it big, they had all reached out searching for notoriety but Harry had learned to ignore them. That wasn’t the case with the Styles-Tomlinson family. The oldest of their grandkids were all in their twenties and they still would meet up over winter and summer holidays for dinner or drinks.

On their walk, they passed by a beautiful fountain of stone. The cool gray rock was covered in soft green moss, from years of bubbling water rushing over the stone. Harry paused beside the fountain, looking up at the horses at the top of the fountain as he smiled softly and wrapped his arm around Louis’ shoulders.

_“Harry, for fuck’s sake would you hurry up!” Louis called, grinning over his shoulder at the man behind him who seemed to be deep in thought. He bounded ahead of Harry, tongue out as he tried to catch snowflakes as they drifted down from the sky._

_Harry rolled his bottom lip between his teeth, clenching and unclenching his hands by his sides. His heart beat rapidly in his chest, heaving with every nervous breath he took. It was another twenty minutes before Louis froze on the path through the park._

_“H, shit. Look at this,” Louis gasped, mouth hanging open as he took in the glow from the hundreds of tea candles scattered through the clearing around the fountain._

_Harry took a deep breath, walking a few more steps before kneeling behind Louis as he was still distracted. He licked his lips and pulled out a black velvet box, opening it as he got situated on one knee. “Baby,” he said softly, grinning as Louis spun around with a shocked look on his face. “Louis. You are the most amazing person I have ever known. You’ve been my best friend for ten years and for ten years you have made me happier than I ever could have imagined. You are the sun. Bright, beautiful, warm, and the center of my universe. Louis, I love every part of who you are and I’m really hoping you’ll make me the happiest man in the world by saying yes.” Harry held his breath in anticipation, watching the emotions flash across Louis’ face._

_“Harold, I hate you,” Louis laughed, tears shimmering in his eyes as he shook his head. “You fuckin’ ruined my proposal.”_

_Harry grinned widely. “Oh my god,” he snickered, hand going to cover his mouth. “You were going to propose?”_

_“Well, yes you dummy. I was gonna wait until we got back. I had a whole plan set up and everything,” Louis rolled his eyes fondly and crouched down in front of Harry. “I love you, but you ruin everything.”_

_“So, is that a yes?” Harry asked, eyes sparkling in the flickers of the tea lights._

_“Yes, Harry. It’s a yes,” Louis whispered, reaching out to brush his finger over Harry’s cheek. “It’s always a yes.”_

_Harry’s dimples deepened as he took hold of Louis’ hand and slid the ring onto his finger. Louis pulled him into a kiss and cupped his cheek, lips soft and warm in the cool winter air. Harry slid his fingers through Louis’ hair and smiled against Louis’ lips. “You can still propose, you know. I won’t mind,” he teased and nuzzled their noses together._

_“Oh, I will Harold. I’ll propose the shit out of you,” Louis laughed, looking down at the ring on his finger. “I love it, by the way. It’s absolutely perfect.”_

_Harry pressed another kiss to Louis’ cheek and hummed happily. “Good. I took fucking forever to pick it out,” he chuckled and got to his feet, knees cold and sore from being on the icy rocks around the fountain. He held out his hand for Louis and the two strolled back to their home, pressed close together as they walked through the light dusting of snow._

_When they returned home, Harry grinned as he saw twinkling lights strung up on the front porch. He looked over at Louis, receiving a cheeky grin as he nodded towards the house. “After you, Harold.”_

_Harry pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, holding tight to Louis’ hand as he climbed the steps and opened the front door. His mouth fell open, dimples cratering as he surveyed the room that was draped in strands and strands of twinkly lights. As he stepped further into the room, he noticed a platter of watermelon and two champagne flutes filled with sparkling champagne._

_“Okay, so I know it’s not really a surprise anymore, but I’m still gonna give my speech because I wrote a whole thing and I still want you to hear it,” Louis hummed, fidgeting with his new ring as he knelt in front of Harry. He took a deep breath before pulling out a little navy ring box. “Harry, ten years ago when I met you, I didn’t think much of you.” Harry snorted out a laugh but silenced himself at Lous’ playful glare. “Anyway, I remember meeting you when we were sixteen and thinking you seemed like a nice lad but a little awkward. There was still something charming about you, so I asked if you wanted to have lunch with me and the lads. What I didn’t know at the time, is that you would be the most important decision of my life. That decision to ask you to sit with me led me to my best friend. It led me to finding myself with your help and it led me to the greatest happiness I’ve ever known. Two years ago, we were laying on the beach eating watermelon and champagne when I realized I was in deep. I was terrified to let you in because I was scared to even let myself in. When I lost you, I was so angry that I had fucked things up, but it did help me discover more of who I was. Two years ago, I learned just how much I loved you, but I didn’t have you when I finally came to that realization. I wasted months not being with you and I don’t want to waste any more time without you as my husband. Harry, will you please marry me?”_

_Harry laughed wetly and nodded. “Obviously,” he teased and was practically tipped over as Louis flung himself at him, arms wrapped around Harry as their lips moved eagerly against each other. Louis pulled back and slipped the ring onto his finger. “There, now we’re even.”_

“That was one of the best days of my life,” Louis murmured, resting his head on Harry’s shoulder as the two stared at the fountain where their lives changed forever.

Harry smiled softly and nodded, arm snaking around Louis’ waist. “Mine too,” he whispered and kissed Louis’ temple.

One of their daughter’s sons ran over to them, pulling on their hands and whining about hurrying up. Louis laughed softly and ruffled his fingers through Alex’s curly mop of hair, leaning his weight onto his cane as the family wandered further down the path. The group looped through the park and followed the trail back in the direction of the Styles-Tomlinson home. With Louis’ knee being as messed up as it was, they couldn’t walk for long stretches of time. Harry knew it frustrated Louis that he wasn’t in as good of shape as he used to be and with the bum knee, his mobility was limited.

When they arrived back at their home in the countryside, Harry helped Louis up the steps as best he could and held the front door open for him. Harry couldn’t help but grab a handful of Louis’ bum as he walked past, receiving a playful glare and a middle finger in return. Harry chuckled and followed his husband inside to get a warm cup of tea to warm up after being outside in the cool autumn air.

Their daughter Jo eased Louis into his recliner while Harry was in the kitchen, easing his sneakers off his feet and pushing his slippers onto his feet with a smile. “Feeling better, Dad?” She hummed and grabbed the quilt that Anne had made for Louis and Harry as a first-anniversary present.

Louis nodded, sighing as he pulled the quilt up his lap and offering Jo a smile. “Thank you, sweetie. Getting old fucking sucks.”

Jo snorted and sat down on the couch next to her eldest son. “Language, Dad.”

“He’s sixteen. He’s practically an adult,” Louis laughed and grinned up at Harry as he joined them with two mugs filled with steaming tea. He accepted one in his favorite mug and winked. “Thank you, love.”

“You’re welcome, baby,” Harry hummed and winced as he slowly eased himself into his recliner next to his husband with bones that ached and creaked. He lifted the mug to his lips and sipped the hot liquid carefully, the steam fogging up his glasses and the smell tickling his nose.

_Harry warmed his hands on the Styrofoam cup in his hands, his body trembling with shock. He couldn’t believe this was happening. His eyes squeezed shut as he listened to a muffled voice speaking over the intercom, taking deep breaths of sterile air and letting it fill his lungs before he exhaled slowly from his mouth._

_The air felt cold and chemically in his throat and stung his lungs. It hurt, but it helped Harry to feel alive. His body felt numb everywhere but his lungs and he could feel his heart beating heavily in his chest, echoing through his hollow body._

_The heel of Harry’s boot bounced against the flooring, the tapping noise annoying other visitors in the waiting area, he was sure. He didn’t care. Let them be annoyed. His world was falling apart and crumbling around him. He had lost Louis once, he couldn’t bear to lose him again._

_“Mr. Styles?” A nurse called and Harry’s head shot up._

_Harry licked his lips and rolled his bottom one between his teeth as got to his feet and discarded his now cold cup of tea. He could hear his boots clacking against the linoleum, but he could hardly feel his legs as she led him down a series of hallways. Crying. Laughing. Whispers. The sounds of families pouring out from each room they passed._

_The nurse was explaining something to him, but her voice sounded far away and distorted. It didn’t matter. He could ask her about it later. He needed to see Louis first before anything anyone said to him would sink in. Nothing had made sense since he received a call late that night. Nothing would make sense without Louis._

_They rounded a corner and the hallway noises became more hushed, families whispering to one another in rooms with sleeping patients who may never wake up. They stopped in front of 4036. Harry’s hands trembled so he stuffed them in his pockets as the nurse led him inside. There were wires everywhere. His eyes followed the white, black, and blue wires that looped from the machines to a pale arm on the bed._

_Louis looked so vulnerable and weak. His usually golden skin looked dull and sickly and his fringe was tangled in a mess. Dark purple and blue webbed across his nose and under his eyes in splotches. Harry blinked back his tears and moved with legs that felt like cement to his husband’s side._

_“I’m so sorry,” Harry whispered, sinking to his knees next to the bed. He buried his face in the blue hospital blanket and squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m so sorry.”_

_There was no reply._

_Tears pooled behind his eyelids until they spilled over, leaving dark blue splotches on the blanket. It had been all his fault. If he hadn’t have yelled at Louis, he never would have left. Harry had just been so angry at Louis for being so god damn messy, always leaving Harry to clean up the house. When Louis had gotten home from a night out with Liam, Harry had been waiting in the kitchen with a pile of dirty dishes that Louis had left. He had been so mad at Louis and things had escalated quickly with alcohol in Louis’ system. They had screamed at each other, eyes narrowed and faces red with anger._

_Louis had been so upset with him and so filled with anger that he had grabbed his car keys and stomped out the door, leaving Harry standing in the middle of the kitchen with his hands clenched in angry fists. He went to bed angry that night, annoyed that Louis had just left him like that and didn’t even tell him where he was going, though he assumed it was to Liam’s house or Niall’s place._

_The call he had received the next morning turned his blood cold as ice in his veins. Louis’ car had been found in a ditch, according to the police officer. Louis was rushed to the hospital and was in surgery when they had called, minutes later Harry was in his car racing to the hospital._

_Harry’s hands trembled where they gripped the blanket. He had been crying for nearly an hour and his knees would have bruises on them after kneeling next to the bed for so long. He was sure that by now, he was all out of tears and was just shaking at this point._

_A cold hand touched his and Harry’s body went rigid as he looked up, eyes red and lids heavy with exhaustion. Relief washed through him as green eyes met blue. “Lou,” Harry breathed, getting to his feet with a wince._

_The boy whimpered, unable to speak through the tube in his throat. His hand squeezed Harry’s hard, like he was trying to say something. Harry reached over and pushed the call button, holding Louis’ frail hand to his lips and kissing his wedding ring. “I’m here, sweetie. I’m here. You’re going to be okay now.”_

Almost losing Louis in his car accident had been one of the hardest experiences in Harry’s life. It had taken Louis a few months to be back on his feet again and it had been almost a year before Louis was comfortable driving again. Harry’s thumb traced the scar on Louis’ arm from the accident. It was from a piece of glass slicing his forearm open, presumably from shielding his face.

Louis looked over at Harry and smiled, patting Harry’s hand and sighing happily as they watched the youngest grandkids playing with an old set of Legos from when Cyrus was a kid. The older grandkids were gathered around the dining room table, bent over a game of Catan as they laughed and joked around loudly. Their children were scattered throughout the living room, catching up with the siblings they hadn’t seen in a while.

Harry loved watching his family, pride filling his chest at the family he and Louis had created. They had both always dreamed of this and it made his heart swell with joy to see it become a reality. He chatted along with their second son Jayce, catching up on how the kids were doing in school and how the new job was going.

“Harry? What day is it?” Louis asked with a frown.

“Saturday,” Harry answered, watching Louis nod as he turned back to his conversation with their first daughter Olivia.

As it neared five, Harry rose to his feet with a groan and shuffled to the kitchen to prepare dinner. He hummed along to an old CD of Ed Sheeran’s as he pulled out noodles, cheese, and pasta sauce to make his famous lasagna. He bobbed his head to the music, smiling at the conversation the grandkids were having in the dining room.

When the family sat down for dinner that night, they passed around plates for Harry to serve up slices of lasagna and Louis took care of pouring the wine. It was routine for them, so pleasantly familiar that it felt like home. The candles on the table flickered and reflected off their glasses as soothing music filled the air in the background.

The sky grew dark as the group ate, splashes of orange and pink turning to purple and black as the night took over. This used to be Harry’s favorite time of day. He and Louis would sit for hours in the back garden, cuddled up under a blanket with tea or hot chocolate while they watched the sun set behind the trees. At some point, Louis' memory had begun to fail at this time of day, and it stopped being his favorite when Louis began to struggle with sun-downing.

After dinner, Olivia helped Harry and Louis carry all of the dishes to the sink, laughing and smiling cheerfully with her siblings. Louis’ brow was furrowed as he hesitated in the kitchen, blue eyes paler than they were when they were younger. “Harry? What day is it?”

Harry bit his lip and rested a hand on Louis’ arm. “It’s Saturday, baby,” he murmured and kissed his cheek. Louis nodded slowly and set the dishes he had in his hands in the sink. Olivia sighed softly and offered her father a slight smile before returning to the dining room.

One by one, each of Louis and Harry’s sons and daughters gathered up their families and spouses. They passed around hugs and kisses on the cheek, thanking Louis and Harry for hosting their monthly family get-together. Harry smiled from the front porch, one arm wrapped around Louis as the other one waved as headlights disappeared down the drive.

Harry stood in front of the sink in the bathroom to wash his face and moisturize and turned the gold band on his finger, smiling softly down at the aged gold and diamonds turned dull from years of wear.

_Harry bounced on the balls of his feet and fidgeted with his tie for probably the hundredth time this morning. His hands were sweating, and his stomach ached with nerves. He hated waiting. With a deep breath, he slid his sweaty palms down his beige linen pants and shook them to try to release some of the pent up energy coursing through him. He knew Louis was probably even worse than he was right now, he always did have more energy and had a harder time controlling his excitement._

_“Harry? It’s time,” Anne hummed and peeked her head in the doorway. A soft smile crept across her face as she walked over to her son and stopped in front of him._

_Harry’s dimples cratered into his cheeks as his mother smoothed her palms over the loose white button-up and straightened out his vest and tie. He pulled her in for a tight hug, heart swelling with pride and anticipation._

_Anne returned the hug and pulled back after a few moments. “I love you, sweetheart. And I am so proud of you. I couldn’t be happier for you,” she murmured. “Now come on, you don’t want to keep him waiting any longer.”_

_Harry laughed softly and nodded. “He’d kill me if I made him wait any longer,” he agreed and linked his arm with his mom’s as they descended down the stairs of his home and paused behind the back door where Louis was already waiting for him._

_They had argued for months over where to get married. Harry had wanted to get married in London where their families all were located, but Louis had insisted they get married on the beach behind Harry’s home that they were now sharing. It was where it all started, after all. They had invited only their closest friends and family to keep it small and intimate._

_As Harry descended down the steps, his smile grew to a wide grin when he caught sight of Louis. He looked beyond handsome in his matching linen pants cuffed at the ankles, white loose button-up with a pale blue tie, and no shoes on his feet._

_Louis looked up at Harry and bit his lip excitedly, the crinkles by his eyes deepening. He pulled Harry in for a hug and buried his face in his neck. “I can’t wait to marry you,” he whispered._

_Harry nodded and hugged Louis to his chest tightly, careful not to mess up his hair and risk a sarcastic reply from his future husband. “Neither can I.”_

_“Boys, it’s just about time,” Mel reminded, ushering Anne towards the door as she would be escorted down the beach first by Gemma._

_The two grooms linked fingers as they stood at the back of the line to walk down last, right behind Doris and Ernest with the rings and flower petals. Harry’s heart was beating rapidly in his chest, but it was full of love and pure joy as his mother and sister walked out onto the porch when the song changed. After Gemma and Anne had gone, Mel lined up Niall, Liam, and Louis’ sisters that made up the wedding party._

_Mel winked at Louis and Harry as the wedding party stopped in front of the driftwood arch draped with chiffon and palm fronds. “You two are next.”_

_Harry and Louis stood behind the door and waited for the song to change. As the beginning notes of Sweet Creature drifted across the beach, Mel swung the door open and stood behind it out of the shot of the photographer. Harry grinned and led Louis out of their home and down the steps of the back porch. Their bare feet kicked up sand and disturbed the pale yellow petals that blew over the aisle, getting in between their toes. Their small group of guests stood in their chairs with smiles and tears in their eyes as the two walked down the aisle towards their forever._

Harry slid his ring off and set it on the vanity, wetting a washcloth and pressing the damp hot towel to his face with a heavy sigh. He massaged some gentle face wash into his wrinkled skin and rinsed it off before rubbing in a bead of moisturizer. He smiled as Louis walked into the bathroom and slid his ring on before they brushed their teeth in comfortable silence in front of the mirror.

Harry helped Louis change out of his trousers and sweater and into a pair of loosely fitted pajamas before pulling on his own. With a hand on Louis’ back, he helped his husband ease onto their mattress with a pained groan. He slid into his side of the bed and pressed a kiss to Louis’ cheek.

“What day is it?” Louis asked, eyes distant as he peered around their room.

Harry stroked Louis’ cheek with his thumb and offered a bittersweet smile. “It’s Saturday, sweetie,” he murmured. “I love you very much, my dear.”

Louis seemed happy enough with Harry’s answer and nodded. “I love you too, Harry. Thank you for our amazing life together. I’m glad I got to spend it with you,” he murmured and kissed Harry gently.

Harry nodded and nuzzled their noses together. “Me too. Forever and always.”

_We’ll be a fine line / We’ll be a fine line / We’ll be alright_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... thoughts?
> 
> I'm sad to say goodbye to this fic and the relationship between Louis and Harry but I hope you all liked how I chose to end it! Keep an eye out for future fics from me, I encourage you to pop over and check out a few of my other works if you liked this one!


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